Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Cocksuckers Everyone of Them

I just felt like putting cocksuckers in the title. The truth is, I am at that "don't care about anything, lie down on the couch, while life passes me by" phase of my emotional cycle. I have a huge amount of stress at work. There is a project that I know I am not going to win and several more on the line. I was recently told that only 5% of the sophomore sales people (that would be me) make it to their third year. I am going from an amateur to a professional with a HUGE increase in my quota. HUGE. Things are just going sideways and it's making me crazy. There is NO control in that aspect of my life right now and I am in a difficult and demanding profession.

Then there is the personal life. This last year has been extremely hard on my marriage. If the things that happened this year had occurred at an earlier time I would have already walked away. Instead I am trying. And trying and trying and trying. The one good thing in all of this is that my husband seems to be the only person in my life that actually gets me. He knows how fucking crazy I am. He accepts, or tries to accept, that side of me. That is part of the problem. Sometimes I want someone who just tells me that everything will be all right. Just because I am not very romantic does not mean that I don't appreciate the gesture every once in a while. And like a blogging friend of mine, I want him to want to do the dishes and pick up the slack when I am depressed and having a bad time of it. I don't want to have to ask every single time. Plus I am still mad at him because he made me cry. In over seven years, this is the first time that something he did made me cry. Sure I have cried OVER things that have happened in the past, but his actual actions and words upset me so much that I cried. I NEVER FUCKING CRY. It is not in my job description.

By the way, apparently three bottles of wine is one too many. Could someone please put that on a T-shirt and send it to me so I can remember that the next time. And when you puke red wine out of the passenger window of a black vehicle while driving on the highway, it leaves a big pink streak down the side.

On an even lower note, my bestest friend BBS has 6 ulcers. Six acid-producing, gut clenching, painful ulcers. This is not good. At 25, one should not have that much stress. Her life, is personal, but since you have all come to know her somewhat, please keep her in your thoughts and if you pray, your prayers.

I am thinking about telling her that the ulcers will be good for her weight loss regimen and offer to take a couple of them off her hands, but I think I will wait a few days first.

Oh and my in-laws can suck my dick. Seriously. Fuck off with all of the nonsense. I am taking my dad's advice and not letting anyone ruin my Christmas. The only person who can get in the way of my happiness is me.

Fuck I am good. The above sentence should also be on a T-shirt. Or maybe a fortune cookie.

Anyway, peace out fuckers.

29 comments:

Avitable said...

I think we should all get together and just have a huge pity party/lynch mob and see how much of the world we can raze before they can stop us.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Wow, I had no idea prostitution could be so stressful. I would think all that laying on your back would be relaxing. Oh well, I hope things work out for you.

George said...

Bless you ADW ... use your kick boxing training to let the stress out ... any exercising will help

Get well

ADW said...

Avitable - I love razing. Let's get to it.

Dyck - the things you learn by blogging. Prostitution is indeed stressful. If I don't double my Johs next year, my pimp will cut me. Cut me bad

George - Come to think of it, I have not been able to exercise like I was. You're right.

fatwonkkid said...

ulcers are also good if you like to bleed out your ass...

ADW said...

Fatty - so is spending time in the big house....

marky said...

Everyone in this picture needs to give some GRACE, give some GRACE.

Miriam said...

I hate that we're all so stressed. Tis the Season though!

And hey that "blogging friend" you speak of sounds familiar! It may not be me of which you mean to speak but it is true in my household!

Also-I miss you. Tons.

http://lspoon.wordpress.com

abstractjenn said...

6 ulcers - I'm thinking of BBS. Arrgghh I hate it that you are so stressed - you are right about your happiness. Your inlaws can just bite it don't let them ruin Christmas or your birthday. Speaking of your birthday you should have some good mail pretty soon....
Keep your chin up ADW (don't you hate it when people say that?) I'll tell you a quick joke.

God is talking to Peyton Manning and he says Peyton what do you believe in? Peyton says hard work and an honest days work. God says great and asks him to sit on his left.

God talks to Tony Romo and asks him the same thing. Tony says I believe in Team work and hard work. God says great have a seat at my right.

God looks over at Tom Brady and says Tom what do you believe in?

Tom looks at God and says "I believe you are in my seat"

xoxoxo

ADW said...

Marky - GRACE ha!!

Mim - miss you too. The next time I am gallivanting through the NC, maybe I will stop on in.

Jenn - I love being a whore for shit. I can't wait. And the joke..... well, I understand where it comes from, just remember that Lebron James said it first. (=

abstractjenn said...

Yeah yeah I know....but Tom Brady is way cuter.

Yoda said...

I'll send you a T-shirt that sez:

Three bottles of wine is TWO too many!

LOL!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Someone wants two ulcers for x-mas, and I'm just the guy who can make that happen . . .

Mr. Fabulous said...

I like Avitable's idea. Let's take as many down with us as we can.

Glamourpuss said...

Golly. Things sound very trying indeed. Stay on the couch for as long as it takes.

Big hug.

Puss

metalmom said...

Which sentence needed to be on a shirt? Was it "My in-laws can suck my dick"? That would be cool.

Poppy Cede said...

ADW... sigh. I am starting to feel like my words mean nothing because I've had to say them to so many bloggers lately.

I hope that you keep putting one foot in front of the other and believing you'll make it through so that you actually can it through all this shit.

Poppy Cede said...

*can GET through

zen wizard said...

Okay, I put it on a T shirt.

themuttprincess said...

Hope your quota is met. I think you can do it.

3 bottles of anything seems to be a tad too much.

Enjoy YOUR Christmas!!!!!!!

Franki said...

I need that shirt too. That last bottle landed some stranger in my bed.

I fucking hate it when that happens.

P.S. I don't believe in crying either.

VE said...

Could be worse...I just read an article about a guy that died at cubicle desk and went 5 full days before somebody discovered he was dead! Talk about your pathetic job/life!! Whatever you do, it always works out in the end...well, except for those homeless people and the fact that in the end you die of course...Never mind...

ADW said...

Jenn - beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.

Yoda - Just one darling.

Dr. K - you are a giver that is for sure.

Fab - how can you agree with him when he won't compete in the dance off?

Puss - love right back atcha.

MetalMom - OMG I love that!!

Poppy - I will and thanks so much for the love.

Zen Wizard - How awesome is that? Now I need someone to buy it for me. *wink, wink*

Mutt - You are right about the 3 bottles.

Franki - dontcha just hate that?

VE - that is just freaking scary.

Miss Britt said...

Oh sweetheart. I really hate that you know what I'm going through. I do.

And I hope that you can have a good day here soon.

Shoot me an email, we'll swap strategies, OK?

Tug said...

Good thoughts, positive vibes, throw in a prayer - I'm there!

Marianne said...

pfphfphfh, and some idiot out there would say you have an attitude problem.

Not I. I think you're one smart cookie. Hang in there and lay off the red wine for awhile.

~~Hugs~~

BBS said...

Thanks for the ulcer shout out..I hate dieting, and I have come to hate ulcers even more..Wow, they hurt! Anyways, on to you.
You are honestly one of the strongest women I have ever met in my life, and I meant that from the bottom of my heart..You have overcome so much and are such a great person, mom and friend and I want you to know that I really respect that about you! I know that you will be able to hold it all together and I look up to you for that! Relationships are work every single day..My ulcers are living proof of that. I know how hard you work, and how nice it would be to just come home with some shit not to worry about..Sadly, if us women don't direct our men's every single move, nothing would ever get accomplished. Lay on that couch as long as it takes..Don't let anyone ruin your holiday spirit..Enjoy every minute of the chaos, It will all be over much too soon. I have an idea! Let's replan our Chicago trip ASAP..How about early March or something like that?!? Sound like a fucking plan, girlfriend.
Miss you tons and love you more!
xoxo
Talk soon.
Pierce wants me to tell Peanut Butter and Super Diva hello, did you get our Christmas cards?!?
BBS
:)

Memphis Steve said...

Holy crap, I didn't know you were in sales and under so much pressure. And I'm guessing that if BBS has 6 ulcers, maybe she is in sales, too? How can hot girls EVER have trouble making sales? All the pharmecutecal (I can't fucking spell that) companies hire you hot girls 'cause the doctors are so weak and pathetic that they just lay themselves at your feet and buy whatever you bring in the door. And them pharmacy women, they make mega-moola!

Anyway, when are you coming over to beat me up and make yourself feel better? Do I get some kind of bonus if I let BBS beat me up, too?

QAZWSX said...

SHUT URE GREETING PUSS YOU DAFT ASSHOLE. GO AND GET LAID YOU TWAT.