I have missed you guys. Probably more than you can imagine. Thanks so much to those of you who have been checking in with me. I am not ignoring anyone.... I've just been busy.
Sometimes I feel like I fill my life with all-day activities so that I don't have to take any time to really THINK about my life. In truth, I have been blessed. Yes I have had some incredibly soul trying times throughout my life. I have been in abusive situations. I have abused myself. But in the end, I come out feeling like it has all been worth it. But underlying everything is the reality that the things that affect me, the ones that eat away at me will always be there. Do I keep ignoring them? Do I "confront the demons"? I really don't know the answer to either one of those questions. I just put one foot in front of the other and move forward. Day after day. Some are good, some are not. Life isn't easy and I don't expect it to be, but every once in a while I would like to have that illusion.
Not to sound uncaring or self-centered because I was sincerely affected by the recent death that I posted about a couple of weeks ago, but at that point in time, I think that I was so distraught because one of the first things that I thought was that I could have been that girl. The one who thought that life was too impossible to go on. When I was younger I thought about ending my life almost daily. Some days it was all I could think about. When I finally got out of the situation I was in growing up, I didn't know how to handle myself. So I went right out and hitched myself to another kind of abuse. It was almost as if I didn't want to have a happy home life. Destruction and chaos was all that I knew and the only times I felt comfortable in my own skin was when I was back in those kinds of situations. That cycle of ups and downs and arguing and breaking things and anger were like home to me. Looking back on those years, I can't believe that the person in those hazy memories is me.
I am so glad that I got out.
In the ensuing years I have struggled with pulling myself out of the morass that was slowly sucking me under. I often worked over eighty hours a week at three different jobs while attending college. After over a decade of struggling, I am finally at a point in my life where I don't feel like I have to work two or more jobs. I have a career. One that I am surprisingly successful at. I have a mortgage and two cars and we take vacations. Even though I still work more than many, it is because I deem it to be so. Not because I won't be able to pay the electric bill if I don't.
This post is following my feelings right now. Rambling and inefficient. I know what I want to say but not how to properly compose those thoughts in an orderly manner, so forgive me this indulgence.
To get to the point, I am still one step ahead of those old demons from so long ago. And now I finally feel like I am inching further and further ahead of them. I am still too scared to turn around and tell them to eat my dust, but one day soon, that is what I hope to accomplish.
I am so glad that I didn't stand still and let them swallow me whole.
On a lighter note, I recently found out that my mom started reading my blog. Stressed me out a bit when my dad mentioned it. I sent her an e-mail kind of dancing around the fact that I knew she wouldn't be thrilled with the way I butcher the English language and she sent this note back to me:
"I love your blog, you are a very talented writer. I think it is hilarious."
How fucking cool is that?
ADW
Monday, January 21, 2008
Sunday, January 6, 2008
?????
I remember your big blue eyes.
The first time I met you, I wondered if there really was a color that blue outside of a crayon box.
You grew up right down the street.
You grew up in my house.
My grandmother was your grandmother, if not by blood, then by love and affection.
Such a sweet and beautiful girl with the sunniest smile;
I had never seen you unhappy.
Who knows what happens in someone else's mind?
The last time I saw you was in August and you were working at a chance booth at the Corn Festival.
Your eyes sparkling, your long blond hair gleaming in the afternoon sun, you flashed those killer dimples at me and told me of your excitement about school.
You were starting in the law enforcement program at the area vocational school.
You watched my children for me.
You played with them.
It seemed like a circle, beginning with you as the baby and then, there you were, taking care of my babies.
I thought about you and your mom often and fondly.
You lived a mile away, but time and circumstance kept us from seeing one another very often.
That and the shared memories of the woman who helped mold both of our lives.
I think that after her death, it was easier to stay away than to talk about the old times.
Your aunt called me on Thursday morning.
Your mother's sister.
She said that you were gone.
Half asleep, I didn't fully comprehend her meaning.
Not until she told me that you took your own life.
I cried into the phone.
"What?"
Still not believing.
You took a rope and hung yourself from a tree.
Parked your car and walked into the woods.
Why?
A life so short and full of promise.
Ended needlessly.
Now your family is left to pick up the pieces.
Your mother and brother and sisters.
Your nephew and nieces.
Your other friends and family who will always remember the beautiful girl with the big blue eyes and dimples.
Goodbye sweetheart.
I have no answers, only questions for you.
My greatest wish is that our grandmother was on the other side waiting for you with open arms and a smile.
I just came home from the funeral of a sixteen year old girl who took her own life. I knew her as a child and she was one of the sweetest little things. My grandmother practically raised her when she was little and she even went on vacation with her a few times.
As a young woman, I am not sure that I had ever seen a more beautiful girl. She was remarkable.
She took her own life this past week. I don't know why. I don't know if anyone does.
Often in our little blogging world, we talk about depression and the ways we have to deal with it. We bitch and moan and cry and complain. Today I had to look at the body of a young woman whose life was cut so short by her own hand. I saw, with my own eyes, the bruising around her neck where the rope bit into her skin.
Now I sit here at my computer doing the only thing I know to deal with the sadness. The tears roll down my cheeks unchecked. Time moves backwards to the last time I saw this girl and in my mind, I keep asking myself why she would do this. In my heart, I know that there is not one good reason for ending your own life. In my head, I am sixteen again with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I realize that in life, we are ultimately the deciders of our own fate. Those decisions are rarely taken away from us. But I know this one thing. I know that in death, we lose the power to make anymore choices.
There are sympathies and platitudes for this kind of thing. Her mother is not doing well. Everyone can see it. I can only hope that her death does not lead to another one.
My heart is aching. It actually physically hurts. I have to return to work tomorrow after a long vacation and I just don't know how it will be.
I think I am going to take a break from blogging. It might be a week. It may be a month. I may not come back. Maybe with a little time and perspective, I can be that person that I was before Thursday. We'll see.
The first time I met you, I wondered if there really was a color that blue outside of a crayon box.
You grew up right down the street.
You grew up in my house.
My grandmother was your grandmother, if not by blood, then by love and affection.
Such a sweet and beautiful girl with the sunniest smile;
I had never seen you unhappy.
Who knows what happens in someone else's mind?
The last time I saw you was in August and you were working at a chance booth at the Corn Festival.
Your eyes sparkling, your long blond hair gleaming in the afternoon sun, you flashed those killer dimples at me and told me of your excitement about school.
You were starting in the law enforcement program at the area vocational school.
You watched my children for me.
You played with them.
It seemed like a circle, beginning with you as the baby and then, there you were, taking care of my babies.
I thought about you and your mom often and fondly.
You lived a mile away, but time and circumstance kept us from seeing one another very often.
That and the shared memories of the woman who helped mold both of our lives.
I think that after her death, it was easier to stay away than to talk about the old times.
Your aunt called me on Thursday morning.
Your mother's sister.
She said that you were gone.
Half asleep, I didn't fully comprehend her meaning.
Not until she told me that you took your own life.
I cried into the phone.
"What?"
Still not believing.
You took a rope and hung yourself from a tree.
Parked your car and walked into the woods.
Why?
A life so short and full of promise.
Ended needlessly.
Now your family is left to pick up the pieces.
Your mother and brother and sisters.
Your nephew and nieces.
Your other friends and family who will always remember the beautiful girl with the big blue eyes and dimples.
Goodbye sweetheart.
I have no answers, only questions for you.
My greatest wish is that our grandmother was on the other side waiting for you with open arms and a smile.
I just came home from the funeral of a sixteen year old girl who took her own life. I knew her as a child and she was one of the sweetest little things. My grandmother practically raised her when she was little and she even went on vacation with her a few times.
As a young woman, I am not sure that I had ever seen a more beautiful girl. She was remarkable.
She took her own life this past week. I don't know why. I don't know if anyone does.
Often in our little blogging world, we talk about depression and the ways we have to deal with it. We bitch and moan and cry and complain. Today I had to look at the body of a young woman whose life was cut so short by her own hand. I saw, with my own eyes, the bruising around her neck where the rope bit into her skin.
Now I sit here at my computer doing the only thing I know to deal with the sadness. The tears roll down my cheeks unchecked. Time moves backwards to the last time I saw this girl and in my mind, I keep asking myself why she would do this. In my heart, I know that there is not one good reason for ending your own life. In my head, I am sixteen again with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I realize that in life, we are ultimately the deciders of our own fate. Those decisions are rarely taken away from us. But I know this one thing. I know that in death, we lose the power to make anymore choices.
There are sympathies and platitudes for this kind of thing. Her mother is not doing well. Everyone can see it. I can only hope that her death does not lead to another one.
My heart is aching. It actually physically hurts. I have to return to work tomorrow after a long vacation and I just don't know how it will be.
I think I am going to take a break from blogging. It might be a week. It may be a month. I may not come back. Maybe with a little time and perspective, I can be that person that I was before Thursday. We'll see.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!
I've gone and done it! I FINALLY found a Wii. I was half-heartedly attempting to procure one before Christmas for our "family" present, but with work and illnesses and holiday pageants and parties it just wasn't meant to be. After Christmas, I became more dedicated and made a plan of action and here it is:
- Call every store in the area once a day to inquire if they got any Wii's in that morning or the evening before and the following is the list of the stores that I called:
- Walmart - 4 of them
- Target - 3 of them
- Costco - 1 of them
- Best Buy - 2 of them
- After a lot of phone calls, I hit pay dirt with the nearest Walmart. The guy told me that they had just gotten a shipment in and they had one left but he couldn't hold it for me.
- I threw on a hoodie and some shoes (no shower, brushed teeth and hair in a ponytail) and rushed though the snow to the store.
- I raced down the aisles and arrived to find the VERYLASTFREAKINGWiiINTHESTORE
- I growled Wii!!!! at the poor fellow and he rang me up.
- I spent the next 6 hours trying to find an extra controller
- I got that but not the 2nd nunchuk thingie
Now it is 2:00 in the morning and my husband is still playing the thing. I think I touched it for all of 10 minutes before I got bored and dizzy with some Mario World game where a giant planet spins around in 3-D circles. Blech! As soon as I find the new Zelda game though, the family better back the fuck off. I am addicted to Zelda and I am not ashamed to say it, so there.
Random shit:
- I have to go back to work on Monday after 2 weeks vacation - glorious
- I stopped by my sister-in-law's house today (husband's brother's wife who I love!) and we bitched about the in-laws. We have already decided that I am hosting Easter so we don't have to go to my MIL's house
- Christmas was AWESOME with my family UNTIL the in-laws came over that evening
- My SIL from out of state and her husband are ice cold assholes. They brought a DOG to my house and then proceeded to hook up some Rock Star game for their Xbox (which they brought as well) and played it from the time they arrived until they left. Neither one of them said ONE word to me. I actually spoke to them both and got monosyllabic responses from the two of them. Idiots. These two should donate their brains to science to see if it is possible to make a full brain from two half-wits.
- I waited a week and told my husband what I thought of their behavior. He noticed it as well and agreed with my perception of their fucktarded social skills and lack of respect. I also told him that they are not welcome back. Period.
- I am now 30 and the only difference is that I am no longer in my 20's. Here's a toast to this decade being better than the last.
- I was supposed to have people over on New Year's Eve, but with all of the illnesses going around not many people made it. I did drink three bottles of champagne with a girlfriend and was not buzzed one bit.
- I think being on my period keeps me from getting intoxicated.
- I want a hysterectomy. I will donate my womb to someone. It works really well. I just don't want it anymore.
- I am not a cat person, but I have to say that our cat Butter is the coolest pet ever. My cleaning gal tried to steal him from us. He thinks he is a dog. Plus he follows me around the house. I like him better than either one of our dipshit, smelly dogs. HE does not make a mess or track mud through my house like those two.
- I have no resolutions for the new year. I don't believe in making something I know I will break anyway. I am who I am and only I can change me.
- The above is a mantra, not a resolution.
- Cramps suck butthair dingleberries. There is not enough over the counter shit to take care of them. I get prescription drugs. Then I forget where they are and suffer anyway. I may be a masochist.
- 2:00 AM is not the best time for incoherent rambling.
- I know I haven't been blogging or visiting enough lately, but I am on VACATION!!!
I will stop by soon and visit y'all. Plus I put an e-mail link on my about me page, so you can now send me messages if you feel the need.
Oh and I hope all spammers get anally raped by a jackhammer in the New Year.
The End
Sunday, December 30, 2007
From Fabulous to Fucked Up in Two Days
My parents left on Friday morning. By noon on Sunday, my life has been spun around. It's nothing serious, but it IS irritating that you can write someone out of your life completely and then turn around and have them pop up, out of the blue, and throw a bagful of wrenches at you.
My Incubator (AKA the hyena who gave birth to me) sent a message to me through one of my sisters. God this is such a convoluted mess, but please bear with me.
1. Incubator and my dad marry and have two children: ADW and Tree
2. Incubator pulls a preying mantis and they split up.
3. Incubator gets custody (AKA child support) of ADW and Tree.
4. Incubator remarries
5. Incubator and StepTard have three children: Jay, L and III
I also have two sisters from my dad and mom, but that is another story.
The only sibling that I speak with from step 5 is my sister L. We are fairly close and I usually see her 3 or 4 times a year.
L called me up today with a fantastic tale, but to understand the new saga, you have to get a little backstory. About 6 months ago, Tree and I went to visit L. Apparently the incubator had approached L with some paperwork that she wanted us all to sign off on. This paperwork was for a deed to some property that was placed in our names.... sort of a place where you have memberships and the elected of the owners govern the rest of the owners kind of thing. How my name, as a minor, ever got placed on that piece of paper is beyond me. I suspect that there was some kind of tax break or clause (Incubator is crazy, but wicked smart and a huge schemer) and that is why all five of us were placed on the paper as property owners. Anyway, The Bator asked L to please have Tree and I sign off on the deed so that she could then sign it over to Jay and her new husband.
Answer? Anybody? Bueller?
Yeah. Fuck off cuntface. Tree and I both laughed. Poor L was stuck in the middle, since these are the only parents that she has and she still tries to maintain a relationship with them even though they are complete cockwads to her.
So the signing off on the deed was a no go.
Fast forward to today.
L calls me with yet another request for Tree and I to sign off on the deed. Of course the Bator couldn't call us herself. I have not uttered one word to her since my grandmother's funeral and I do not have anymore words for her that aren't of the curse variety. She knows this. In fact, if I could have, I would have had her sent to prison on manslaughter charges of neglect. I even contacted the local Sheriff's department and State Police to see if there was anything that I could do. To even have moved forward on the issues would have been next to impossible, so I just focused on grieving and my family. I should have made the bitch rot in prison.
Anyway, this time the story is that she wants my brother III off of the deed and in order to do that, Tree and I have to sign some paperwork in the next six days and have it notarized. M'kay, follow along:
1. I do not sign random paperwork..
2. Especially not from crooked asshatchets like the bitch that birthed me.
3. The previous paperwork was, I GUARANTEE, written by her in some gobbledygook legalese that she probably made up. I laughed when I read it sitting in L's kitchen the first time.
4. No way in hell is that cracked out Ogre getting access to my signature. Ever.
5. How come this time the deed needs to be signed off on for a different reason? In another 6 months, what's the reasoning going to be? Someone is dying of typhoid fever and they need our signatures to save them?
6. 487 other reasons not to trust this person
L told them all of this. My brother called her up and told her she was a "stupid bitch." Yeah, abusing the ONLY member of your family that Tree and I have anything to do with in order to get us to do what you want is not really the greatest idea you moron.
Anyway, I told L my answer. Period. No go.
An hour later my phone rings. Guess who? That's right ladies and gentlemen..... dummmmmm, dum, dummmmmm....... The Incubator.
My husband answered the phone and brought it upstairs all excited by the drama. He proceeded to tell me that "Now you can tell her what you think of her." I responded by saying, with the mouthpiece and receiver wide open, that I had already said everything that I needed to say and had nothing further to discuss. Then I pressed the end button on my cordless phone.
Fifteen minutes later, my phone rings again. I let it ring. I checked the message about an hour later and the gist was that if we didn't want to sign off on the deed that we could start paying the dues and she would assume that we would want to start taking responsibility, etc, etc, etc.
Can anyone say bluff? I NEVER signed a document as an adult giving anyone permission to place my name on anything but my mortgage. If she wants to have a pissing contest, we can go right ahead because I drink Captain and Diet and I can outpiss a fucking camel.
In fact, I NEVER signed any documents for this deed now that I think about it. Interesting.
I will keep you appraised of the drama, but I have one thing to say:
Bring it on Bitch!!!
My Incubator (AKA the hyena who gave birth to me) sent a message to me through one of my sisters. God this is such a convoluted mess, but please bear with me.
1. Incubator and my dad marry and have two children: ADW and Tree
2. Incubator pulls a preying mantis and they split up.
3. Incubator gets custody (AKA child support) of ADW and Tree.
4. Incubator remarries
5. Incubator and StepTard have three children: Jay, L and III
I also have two sisters from my dad and mom, but that is another story.
The only sibling that I speak with from step 5 is my sister L. We are fairly close and I usually see her 3 or 4 times a year.
L called me up today with a fantastic tale, but to understand the new saga, you have to get a little backstory. About 6 months ago, Tree and I went to visit L. Apparently the incubator had approached L with some paperwork that she wanted us all to sign off on. This paperwork was for a deed to some property that was placed in our names.... sort of a place where you have memberships and the elected of the owners govern the rest of the owners kind of thing. How my name, as a minor, ever got placed on that piece of paper is beyond me. I suspect that there was some kind of tax break or clause (Incubator is crazy, but wicked smart and a huge schemer) and that is why all five of us were placed on the paper as property owners. Anyway, The Bator asked L to please have Tree and I sign off on the deed so that she could then sign it over to Jay and her new husband.
Answer? Anybody? Bueller?
Yeah. Fuck off cuntface. Tree and I both laughed. Poor L was stuck in the middle, since these are the only parents that she has and she still tries to maintain a relationship with them even though they are complete cockwads to her.
So the signing off on the deed was a no go.
Fast forward to today.
L calls me with yet another request for Tree and I to sign off on the deed. Of course the Bator couldn't call us herself. I have not uttered one word to her since my grandmother's funeral and I do not have anymore words for her that aren't of the curse variety. She knows this. In fact, if I could have, I would have had her sent to prison on manslaughter charges of neglect. I even contacted the local Sheriff's department and State Police to see if there was anything that I could do. To even have moved forward on the issues would have been next to impossible, so I just focused on grieving and my family. I should have made the bitch rot in prison.
Anyway, this time the story is that she wants my brother III off of the deed and in order to do that, Tree and I have to sign some paperwork in the next six days and have it notarized. M'kay, follow along:
1. I do not sign random paperwork..
2. Especially not from crooked asshatchets like the bitch that birthed me.
3. The previous paperwork was, I GUARANTEE, written by her in some gobbledygook legalese that she probably made up. I laughed when I read it sitting in L's kitchen the first time.
4. No way in hell is that cracked out Ogre getting access to my signature. Ever.
5. How come this time the deed needs to be signed off on for a different reason? In another 6 months, what's the reasoning going to be? Someone is dying of typhoid fever and they need our signatures to save them?
6. 487 other reasons not to trust this person
L told them all of this. My brother called her up and told her she was a "stupid bitch." Yeah, abusing the ONLY member of your family that Tree and I have anything to do with in order to get us to do what you want is not really the greatest idea you moron.
Anyway, I told L my answer. Period. No go.
An hour later my phone rings. Guess who? That's right ladies and gentlemen..... dummmmmm, dum, dummmmmm....... The Incubator.
My husband answered the phone and brought it upstairs all excited by the drama. He proceeded to tell me that "Now you can tell her what you think of her." I responded by saying, with the mouthpiece and receiver wide open, that I had already said everything that I needed to say and had nothing further to discuss. Then I pressed the end button on my cordless phone.
Fifteen minutes later, my phone rings again. I let it ring. I checked the message about an hour later and the gist was that if we didn't want to sign off on the deed that we could start paying the dues and she would assume that we would want to start taking responsibility, etc, etc, etc.
Can anyone say bluff? I NEVER signed a document as an adult giving anyone permission to place my name on anything but my mortgage. If she wants to have a pissing contest, we can go right ahead because I drink Captain and Diet and I can outpiss a fucking camel.
In fact, I NEVER signed any documents for this deed now that I think about it. Interesting.
I will keep you appraised of the drama, but I have one thing to say:
Bring it on Bitch!!!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Where to Begin?
I really don't know where to start in describing the wonderful Christmas/birthday that I had this year. Abstract Jenn sent me some wonderful artwork (Thank you so much I love it and have to find THE MOST PERFECTEST SPOT for it) and even thought I didn't know gorillas had access to the Internet, one sent me a box of my favorite chocolates along with the following message:
"Happy birthday bitchcakes. You're old now. Time to let yourself go!"
One more truffle, and my ass is going to burst the seam in my stretchy pants.
Here are some bullet points from the past few days:
"Happy birthday bitchcakes. You're old now. Time to let yourself go!"
One more truffle, and my ass is going to burst the seam in my stretchy pants.
Here are some bullet points from the past few days:
- My brother-in-law told us all about how he shit his pants on the way home from a Japanese steakhouse. The smell of crap made my sister, who was driving and is pregnant, puke her guts up all over the dash of the car. Afterwards, he figured since he already crapped himself that "fuck it" he was gonna piss too. When they got home, they stripped down in their back yard and hosed themselves off. My husband laughed so hard he started crying.
- Someone accused my mom of being a little "tipsy" last night. She said the we would know when she was drunk because her clothes would start coming off. I didn't have the heart to point out that she took her shirt off in exchange for one of my tank tops because she got a little warm...
- We played Apples to Apples on Christmas Eve. If you have never played the game, it is a cockful of fun. We came to the conclusion that Schindler's List trumps any other card played.
- Somehow, this morphed into our naming of the Turkey ceremony where my dad and I decided to name the Turkey Oscar Schindler. My mom and sister were horrified. I pointed out that we were just honoring a man that saved thousands of Jews during the Holocaust..... Then my mom pointed out that we were ROASTING the turkey in an oven. OK. Not my greatest moment of triumph, but the name stuck.
- We then decided to name the Ham. Actually I decided that. I named him Saffron Longshanks.
- In two days, I made the following items: 20 lb turkey, 10 lb ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potatoes, asparagus, butternut squash casserole, green bean casserole, more fucking cookies, salad, rolls, blah, blah, blah.
- I received a knife set from my husband for Christmas. I have wanted a really good set of knives for a long time. I sliced a finger open before they were completely out of the packaging. Dumbass me.
- My short attention span contributed to my picking up the turkey lid that I sat on top of the stove while checking the turkey, with my bare fingers, burning my thumb and three of my fingers.
- My mom and I snuck out into our garage about an hour before dinner prep and polished off two bottles of champagne.
- I got a sot's pint of Captain Morgans in my stocking. My husband is such a funny man.
- It was a wonderful Christmas and even the in-laws coming over later that evening did not ruin it. Our friends, who live next door, came over with their daughter and ate dinner with us. It was fun and peaceful at the same time.
- I won $2 on a scratch off ticket.
- My mom and I spent all day today shopping out little hearts out.
I have been offline for most of this week and probably won't have much time to spend online until next week.
I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas and that you have an even better New Years. Stay safe and enjoy the people you love.
ADW
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Pissed Off
My three year old told his sister that she was "pissing him off" the other day. My husband and I had to walk away so he wouldn't see us laugh. The kid looks like an angel, but can come up with some doozies.
I came home last night to the family straightening up the house. When I walked in, the little one was hiding behind his dad. My husband nudged him forward and told him to tell me what he did. He hemmed and hawed, but wouldn't say it outright. Finally, the hubs told me to look in the bathroom. Apparently, Peanut Butter was supposed to be "cleaning" the bathroom. Instead he decided to put band aids all over this Indian Elephant that I have sitting on top of the shitter. He knocked the statue over, so when I walked in, I saw the elephant missing the top of his head, but he was covered in band aids. It was so absurd that I started laughing. I just couldn't help myself.
I am so up and down these days. I get a little despondent every time Christmas rolls around. I miss my grandmother all of the time, but especially during the holidays. She was the only one who made them special for me growing up, so I recognize my feelings for what they are: normal.
I also feel so blessed to have so many wonderful readers and friends that I have met while blogging this past year. I can honestly say that when I started writing it was more for me to have an outlet than anything else. Now, after nine short months, I am amazed at the love that I have seen in the blogging world. Through the comedy and tragedy, the laughter, tears and terrors, one thing stands true. There ARE people out there who truly care. I have received Christmas cards from quite a few of you and you have no idea what that means to me. In this information and technology age where IRL stands for "in real life", I don't know that that is true when describing us. Whether it is someone posting about abuse, the loss of a loved one, or just driving down the road singing to old pop songs, we all recognize a little bit of ourselves in others.
We may be white, black, Asian, hairy, skinny, chubby, Republican, Democrat, Green, Independent, Atheists, Christians, Muslims, Agnostics, single, married, with kids, without kids, cat lovers, dog lovers, ice cream lovers, gorillas or monkeys, but we have all connected. I have never had a bad day and not been able to read some hilarious post, or get an e-mail or IM from a buddy that didn't make that day a little more tolerable. That is the best gift of all. An open heart and a willingness to listen to my tyrannic bullshit blathering. My long-winded diatribes filled with every combination of cuss word known to man where people not only understand and are sympathetic, but they applaud my moxie. Yeah, I said moxie... you wanna make something of it?
So to all of you out there, thank you so very much. To the bloggers I have gotten to know well, I really do adore you. To those I am just getting to connect with, I am excited to learn more about you. And to the lurkers, leave a comment. I may be a stone cold bitch, but I have ALWAYS been nice to my first time commenters. It's the sophomore comments that can get a little hairy. To those of you who read and think that you can't blog, go ahead and give it a try. There's nothing to lose and a whole world of friendships and perspectives to gain.
I guess I am in a reminiscent mood and not at all like my title up there. I truly believe in the Christmas spirit. I think that there is so much that we can do for others out there and all it takes is a kind word. So here is what I want you all to do. Go off to a blog site that you haven't been to before, preferably one that is newer. Leave a comment for them. Now, now children, you have to be nice. Tell them that they are doing a good job and encourage them to blog more. It will make someones day and is just a little something nice that we can do.
Now I am off to bake more cookies and sing Silent Freakin' Night at the top of my lungs. My kids and the pets will most likely hit the ground and army crawl away quicker that you can say Tango Charlie, but ask me if I care.
I came home last night to the family straightening up the house. When I walked in, the little one was hiding behind his dad. My husband nudged him forward and told him to tell me what he did. He hemmed and hawed, but wouldn't say it outright. Finally, the hubs told me to look in the bathroom. Apparently, Peanut Butter was supposed to be "cleaning" the bathroom. Instead he decided to put band aids all over this Indian Elephant that I have sitting on top of the shitter. He knocked the statue over, so when I walked in, I saw the elephant missing the top of his head, but he was covered in band aids. It was so absurd that I started laughing. I just couldn't help myself.
I am so up and down these days. I get a little despondent every time Christmas rolls around. I miss my grandmother all of the time, but especially during the holidays. She was the only one who made them special for me growing up, so I recognize my feelings for what they are: normal.
I also feel so blessed to have so many wonderful readers and friends that I have met while blogging this past year. I can honestly say that when I started writing it was more for me to have an outlet than anything else. Now, after nine short months, I am amazed at the love that I have seen in the blogging world. Through the comedy and tragedy, the laughter, tears and terrors, one thing stands true. There ARE people out there who truly care. I have received Christmas cards from quite a few of you and you have no idea what that means to me. In this information and technology age where IRL stands for "in real life", I don't know that that is true when describing us. Whether it is someone posting about abuse, the loss of a loved one, or just driving down the road singing to old pop songs, we all recognize a little bit of ourselves in others.
We may be white, black, Asian, hairy, skinny, chubby, Republican, Democrat, Green, Independent, Atheists, Christians, Muslims, Agnostics, single, married, with kids, without kids, cat lovers, dog lovers, ice cream lovers, gorillas or monkeys, but we have all connected. I have never had a bad day and not been able to read some hilarious post, or get an e-mail or IM from a buddy that didn't make that day a little more tolerable. That is the best gift of all. An open heart and a willingness to listen to my tyrannic bullshit blathering. My long-winded diatribes filled with every combination of cuss word known to man where people not only understand and are sympathetic, but they applaud my moxie. Yeah, I said moxie... you wanna make something of it?
So to all of you out there, thank you so very much. To the bloggers I have gotten to know well, I really do adore you. To those I am just getting to connect with, I am excited to learn more about you. And to the lurkers, leave a comment. I may be a stone cold bitch, but I have ALWAYS been nice to my first time commenters. It's the sophomore comments that can get a little hairy. To those of you who read and think that you can't blog, go ahead and give it a try. There's nothing to lose and a whole world of friendships and perspectives to gain.
I guess I am in a reminiscent mood and not at all like my title up there. I truly believe in the Christmas spirit. I think that there is so much that we can do for others out there and all it takes is a kind word. So here is what I want you all to do. Go off to a blog site that you haven't been to before, preferably one that is newer. Leave a comment for them. Now, now children, you have to be nice. Tell them that they are doing a good job and encourage them to blog more. It will make someones day and is just a little something nice that we can do.
Now I am off to bake more cookies and sing Silent Freakin' Night at the top of my lungs. My kids and the pets will most likely hit the ground and army crawl away quicker that you can say Tango Charlie, but ask me if I care.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Lady of the Manor
Well Lah-di-fucking-dah!! I have gone and done it now. Yes folks, I have taken your advice. *GASP* You read me correctly. I have hired someone to come and muck out the stall that is my house. We have a kick-ass new cleaner at our office and I will be the fourth person to have her come clean my residence. After the last few weeks, I have had more than a few people tell me that I am a dumb ass jizz stain if I don't get someone to come help me out. So there you are. Happy now?
But what, oh what, will you bitch about now ADW, you ask? Well, these are the following things left to bitch about:
- Inlaws
- My vagina
- Waxing
- Idiots
- Dickweed drivers
- Snow
- Ohio sports teams guaranteed to choke even if they make the playoffs
- My husband
- My kids
- My pets
- My neighbors
- People who should be there when you need them, but aren't
- Small Penises
- Speaking of the above: SPAMMERS
- Russians and why they never visit me
- Tom Cruise
- Dildos
- Cooking
- Anal Bleaching
- Hooters
- Mastubation
- Camel Toes
Need I go on?
The list is endless. And it's not me, it's them.
Oh and over the course of 36 hours I baked 35 dozen cookies. And I am not done. Here is my cookie list:
1. Chocolate Chip
2. Double Mint Chocolate
3. Pecan Tassies
4. Kolaczkis
5. Cinnamon Chip Cookies
6. Sugar Cookies
7. Gingerbread Men
8. Peanut Butter Cookies
9. Peanut Butter Blossoms
What I have left to make:
1. Buckeyes
2. Russian Tea Cakes
3. Oatmeal Raisin Cookies
4. Andes Mint Cookies
5. More of the ones I already made.
See!!! I cook. Suck on that one.
But what, oh what, will you bitch about now ADW, you ask? Well, these are the following things left to bitch about:
- Inlaws
- My vagina
- Waxing
- Idiots
- Dickweed drivers
- Snow
- Ohio sports teams guaranteed to choke even if they make the playoffs
- My husband
- My kids
- My pets
- My neighbors
- People who should be there when you need them, but aren't
- Small Penises
- Speaking of the above: SPAMMERS
- Russians and why they never visit me
- Tom Cruise
- Dildos
- Cooking
- Anal Bleaching
- Hooters
- Mastubation
- Camel Toes
Need I go on?
The list is endless. And it's not me, it's them.
Oh and over the course of 36 hours I baked 35 dozen cookies. And I am not done. Here is my cookie list:
1. Chocolate Chip
2. Double Mint Chocolate
3. Pecan Tassies
4. Kolaczkis
5. Cinnamon Chip Cookies
6. Sugar Cookies
7. Gingerbread Men
8. Peanut Butter Cookies
9. Peanut Butter Blossoms
What I have left to make:
1. Buckeyes
2. Russian Tea Cakes
3. Oatmeal Raisin Cookies
4. Andes Mint Cookies
5. More of the ones I already made.
See!!! I cook. Suck on that one.
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