Easter Blah Blah

I am sad. Again. I feel like a broken record. Some days I just feel broken. But it's Easter. And my family IS NOT here. And I miss them. A lot!!

I know that I keep saying this, but I have a shitstorm of stuff in my life right now and there is no end in sight. And it seems like every time I rise professionally (which I have and will tell you about soon!!!!!), my personal life takes another hit. Maybe it's because I am less inclined to put up with bullshit, the busier I get. Maybe it's because I am older. Maybe I am a stone hearted, razor-jawed bitch, but there it is.

So here I can say everything I want to say. And right now, the most important thing for me to say is:

I am unhappy.

Deep down, black hole, no end in sight unhappy. I should be happy. I know I should. But I am contrary that way. I never do as I should. I don't follow the rules. And I am unhappy.

I have made it well known in my life how very unhappy I am. I have asked for things to ease that ache inside and I get nothing. Well, I got to go see Wicked. Woo Hoooooo! That helped ever so much. Sarcasm? Why yes, thank you for asking.

So I am setting out to make myself happy. And if that means some major changes in my life.... well so be it. Because I can't rely on anyone else to love me the most. I am the only one who can do that. It hurts quite a bit to announce that to the world. But it also feels right saying it. I am sick of giving to everyone around me without at least getting any appreciation for the sacrifices that I make. I am tired of being the one who holds it all together because I am the only one who cares. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. Two often used phrases that never lose their meaning for me. I try to let the people in my life know how much they mean to me and I swear to the Almighty that maybe someone could appreciate me for once.

Or take care of ME. That would be great. Someone who actually devoted some time to seeing to my needs without ULTIMATELY trying to ensure that their needs are met at the same time. I am the definition of sacrifice. I have worked so very hard for a very long time now (over half of my life) and I have always done so for the benefit of other people. I know it sounds selfish, but the last time I checked, I was a person too. So what about me?

Oh and to all of those people out there who say that you are no longer a person when you become a mother.... You can go suck a dick! I hope you choke on it. I AM a person with needs and wants and feeling and dreams. Ha! Dreams!! I haven't believed in dreams for longer than I care to admit. Mine died a long time ago along with my childhood.

Fuck! Bitter? Table for One?

Rambling, incoherent thoughts are apparently the M.O. for the day, but I could give a fuck. My blog. My words.

On a lighter note, I am going on a trip where I get to meet some of my favoritests bloggers EVAH!! Care to take a guess?

Fuck you Ohio snow..... it'll be quite sunny very soon. Gotta love Continental direct flights.....