Blow Job Olympics

I've recently taken to texting a friend some of the random little nuggets of insanity that pop up in my head from time to time.  No pattern, no explanation, but funny.  At least to us.

Her favorite line is "I never claimed to be a slut in this life!"  Which is a pretty funny line, but today, while driving to a baseball game, I managed to come up with one that is even better.

"If giving blow jobs was a sport, I'd be a gold medalist."

Now, I'm not saying anything about myself.  Necessarily.  I'm just saying that the thought managed to seep its way into my consciousness.

But really, when you think about it, the idea has merit.  I mean it takes talent, enthusiasm, imagination and flexibility to really pull off a good one.  In fact, a few months ago, a friend and I had the opportunity to hang out with a pretty famous comedian after one of his sets.  While we were talking the question of how to sustain a marriage came up - the friend was a newlywed.  And without missing a beat, I said "learn to love giving head."  And I meant it.  You can't look at it as something you HAVE to do.  You have to enjoy yourself.  Your partner can certainly tell the difference and it works the same for women and men.  Regardless of who is on the receiving end, if the giver isn't into it, it really doesn't work.

What do I know though?  It's not like I'm the poster girl for solid relationships, married or otherwise, but I really like the thought.  Maybe it's because I recently watched "Old School" for like the four hundred and seventy second time, but that scene with Andy Dick really stands out.  Not only is it hilarious, but it makes sense.  Learning how to please your partner should really end up pleasing you both.  And I think that anything worth doing is worth doing really, really, really well.

So where does this bring us?  I have no freaking clue.  I'm just rambling right now, trying to make sense of my upside-down world.  

Still.......  Think about it.  When was the last time that you threw yourself into anything with passion and abandon?  When was the last time you really wanted to please someone else without worrying about how you were benefiting from the act?  

Maybe these are just random life lessons for myself.  Maybe the strange things that pop into my head should really stay in my head where they belong.  But fuck it.  I remember when I started writing this blog.  It was a place for me to put those random thoughts.  I place where I could write anything I wanted and not have to worry about other people reading it and taking offense.  Right now, I could give two shits who I offend.  This is for me and about me.  And yes, it's a little hypocritical since I am talking about doing things for others selflessly, but this is still my outlet.  I stopped writing for a year.  A whole year.  Because I was afraid that I would get shit from someone else about what I was writing.  Who I was writing about.

But now, I am free.  Free to do what I want, when I want without the fear of the cycling insanity that used to be my life.  So if I want to write about blow jobs or circus clowns or marrying my cat, I will.  And nobody can stop me because I answer to two people.  Me and Jesus.  And I'm pretty sure HE has more important things to worry about than fellatio.

Good night and good lovin'.

A