Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Over It

I Hate Everyone!!!!!

Over it.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Not Quite a Lady... Bug

I'm still pissed about missing Adam's Halloween Party.  I didn't get to lick his nipples or see Britt sing karaoke again or meet Dave2 or throw up in his bloody pool, or pee in his bushes.


I am a little salty because the reason I didn't get to go were Dog #1 and Dog #2 and some emergency surgeries.  I now know how much love costs. Five Hundred and Eighty Fucking Five dollars.  And Ninety Pissing Six cents.

I did get to go out for halloween though.  I had to dress up before Trick or Treating because I wouldn't have had time otherwise and everyone on my street sat at the top of our cul de sac with a portable fire pit and we all handed out candy in a line.  I had a few Captain and Diets and the extreme pleasure of seeing SuperCunt's eyes bug out of her head when she got a load of my costume.  I haven't gotten all of the pictures yet, but here is one I did manage to get my hands on:

As you can all see, I was a Slutty Bug.  My husband was a hillbilly hunter, but instead of a big buck, he got a big fuck that night, so I think we're all good.

Please note the glazed look in my eyes and my attempt to cover up my ass while half-humping my scruffy half.

Of course he is smiling because I was rubbing my dots all over his banana.

But the best part of my costume was my ruffled underoos.  I totally found an adult version of the little tot drawers with the lacy ruffles on the bottom.  Mine were black with red lace and totally matched my outfit, but the effect was mah-ve-lous.

After we left the party we went to a bar where a bunch of guys my hubs went to high school with were playing and we danced and danced.  There was a four way make out which my friend Cool Girl missed because she disappeared.

At the end of the night (read - when they kicked us out of the bar), we went outside to look for Cool Girl and her car, but it was nowhere in sight.  Not where we parked it.  Fuck.  I thought her husband was going to wig.

Then I saw the car facing the opposite direction from which we parked and my girlfriend in the back seat.  There was an argument ALL weekend about whether or not she moved it.  But the best comment was when she kept saying OVER and OVER all weekend long:

"I can't believe I missed the make out session.  I can't believe it.  Why didn't you guys come get me?"

...Uh because you dis-a-twatting-peared and we couldn't find you.  We probably figured you were on stage hitting the lead singer in the ass with his own tambourine again...

I know you are going to read this fucker!!!