Monday, December 24, 2012

Why Cleaning is Bad for Your Health

Anyone who knows me at all, knows that I am an extremely clumsy person. 

I fall UP stairs.  I trip over my own feet.  I slip on dry pavement.  I need stitches after a papercut...  well you get the point.

Yesterday I decided would be a good day to clean my house.  Getting ready for Christmas, running errands, doing laundry, blah blah blah.  And I hate cleaning.  I take one look at the accumulated dust and destritus of our daily lives and would rather join the Polar Bear Club and take an icy dip in Lake Erie than slog through the piles of dirty clothes, cat hair and dishes that I let pile up while I am running around all week long.

But you can't put cleaning off forever, or you will end up like one of those hoarders, dead underneath a pile of junk mail and potato chip bags after they have all risen up to attack you because you didn't take the time to recycle them. 

So off I go to sweep and mop and wash and scrub.  And as with anything else in my life, I can't do just one thing at a time.  I have to simultaneously try and get it all done at once while at the same time running to fourteen stores in search of the final ingredient for my breakfast casserole and taking 15 minute breaks to wrap presents that I forgot I even bought.

Anyway, the litter box for the cat is in my downstairs bathroom and yesterday afternoon, I decided to clean the entire room from top to bottom.  Since it's a half bath, it's pretty small at the toilet is up against the closet.  So while trying to scrub around the base of it, my legs suddenly decide that they are going to give up the fight against gravity and no longer support me.  For no definable reason whatsoever.  At all.  Once they fold up like an accordion, I face plant directly into the toilet paper holder. 

Needless to say, I ended up with a dent right in the middle of my forehead.  After I deduce - I use my genius to look into the mirror - that I am not bleeding, I shrug off my latest klutz mishap and go back to cleaning.  Of course what I don't realize is that just because it didn't bleed, doesn't mean that there is no damage done.  So a few minutes later, I realize that I have a throbbing headache and take another peak in the mirror.  Stupid mirror.  You know what is shows me?  A nice fat, freaking goose egg on my head.  Great!  Just what I need.  Another bump on my head and potential concussion.  I am fairly certain that yesterday was number 14.

Anywhoodle.  I make it through the rest of the day without errupting into another fit of seizures, but when I woke up this morning, I still have the lump and now I have a cold.  I am now convinced of two things:

1.  Cleaning is really dangerous and I shall henceforth stop doing it and take my chances with zombie advretisements waiting to murder me in my sleep


2.  Clorox has some sort of reverse effect on my immune system and causes bronchitis

Merry Christmas!!!


Friday, December 21, 2012

Birthday Schmirthday

I hate, loath, abhor - insert word of choice - my birthday.  Why?  It's on Christmas Day first of all.  Also, I am turning 35 this year which sucks donkey ass sideways.

I feel old, alone and pathetic.  This year is worst than most because just a year ago, I was alone, but not lonely.  Now I have realized that I wasted almost an entire year on letting people hurt and betray me. You would think that after all of the negativity in my life, I would have the courage to stand up for myself and make things happen, but clearly I have not been able to do that.

I really only have myself to blame for a lot of the misery in my life.  Because I have a tendency to give the people I love a million chances to prove themselves.  Instead of taking that opportunity to treat me the way I treat them, it always seems to turn out that they take advantage of me to the point where I either have to cut them loose, or they will destroy what is left of my heart.

And I am not just talking about one person here.  I have let go of friends, family and loved ones in the last week.  There are people out there whose actions have caused me so much pain that I literally cry every single day because of them and I can't tolerate that anymore in my life. 

I refuse to make room in my life and heart for people who don't give me the same in return.  I am sick and tired of settling for scraps from people when I give them so much more than I get in return.  I am not a greedy person.  All I need is to know that I matter and I am loved and important to those that I feel that way about and this year, I have just gotten kicked in the teeth by those people instead of having them lift me up and support me the way I have done for them.

Words are easy.  Telling someone that you care is a beautiful lie.  Showing someone how much you mean to them is where the truth is.  If someone tells you how much they love you and then continues to hurt you, betray your trust and SHOWS you how very little you matter to them, then it's time for them to no longer have a place in your life.

As difficult as it is for me to let go of people that I truly and honestly love from the bottom of my heart, for my own sanity I have to let them go.  Because all I get from them is hurt and heartache.

So I will spend my birthday alone this year.  I will genuflect on the mistakes that I have made and hope and pray that the new year brings me peace, true love and happiness.  I know that inside I am a good and caring person.  I will go out of my way to make the people around me feel loved and that's all I ask for in return.  If you are not giving that to me, then you can bounce. 

I just hope that my heart is open enough to accept what comes my way.....

Love and Happiness to All.