Thursday, October 9, 2008

Gastro Pubs and Blow Jobs Again

I just got home from Chicago.  In and out in two days and I am freaking exhausted.  The trip wasn't a total waste of time because I took a training class that was actually worth something for once.  It was given by actors who help you overcome fears of public speaking and it was both unique and applicable to what I do, so bonus.

My entire group went to dinner last night at a Gastro-Pub.  Blech.  I will eat a lot of different foods, but two thirds of the menu was shellfish and I am allergic.  So I was stuck with a Scotch Egg appetizer - look it up - it's not as bad as it sounds and a salad.  It was the worst salad ever created.  It tasted like dirt and grapes.  The only redeeming thing I had was a very nice variation on a Pinot Noir, so all was not lost.  

On to the Blow Jobs.  I am not anti-BJ.  For me it is kind of like an appetizer though.  I much prefer the main course in every meal and I am a fast eater with a short attention span.  If I am going to take 5 minutes away from my quest to rule the Universe, then I want to get as much done in that amount of time that I can, so foreplay isn't high on my list.  I have shit I need to get done.... 

I admit it.  I am a two pump chump.  Sue me.

Oh and to the fucking asshole sitting next to me while I was waiting on my flight today?  Never fucking fly again.  I was trying to get some work done and she is on her phone the ENTIRE time bitching to whoever was on the other end about everyfuckingthing under the sun.  I hate flying.  I hate this airport.  I am tired.  I can't sleep here because someone will rob me.  I don't even want to go to Colorado.  He is an asshole.  He didn't call me to check on me.  Blah blah fucking blah.  I was ready to reach over and jam her cell phone down her throat so I could have ten minutes of peace and quiet.  I do not want to hear you bitch and moan.  I want you to shut the fuck up or go away and annoy someone else with your blathering.  If you hate to fly, don't do it.  You are an adult.  So either suck it up and shut your fat face or never step foot in an airport again.

On a positive note, I love Midway Airport in Chicago.  It is so much more convenient that O'Shitty.  And if anyone has to go to Chicago, I highly recommend the Conrad Hilton.  I have stayed there twice now and both times were a wonderful experience.  I have been completely spoiled for any other hotels out there.  The service is excellent and the rooms are wonderful.  The last time I was there, they overbooked and bumped me up to a presidential suite.  Now I have travelled quite a bit, but even I was a little in awe of this room which had a balcony the size of my great room overlooking all of downtown Chicago.  This time I had a regular room, but the stay was just as pleasant.  

I still have a bunch of trips planned, but I will be out in California for a week in November.  I do believe I will be chained to a hotel conference room 90% of the time, but I hear they wheel in drinks every once in a while to keep us from rioting.

OK, time for bed.

Good night.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Playing Cards

My life isn't all about being crazy, beating ass and ruling the world.  I also like to hang out with friends and play cards.

So this weekend, some friends were over and we were sitting around my table playing cards.  My one buddy decided that this was the right time to bring up blow jobs.  Or the lack of desire of American women to partake in making beautiful music with the skin flute.

Here is how the conversation went:

Him: "Did you guys know that only 17% of American women say that they enjoy giving blow jobs?" a very puzzled voice.


Me and Girlfriend: "D-U-H"....gagging noises

Him: "But 90% of Austrian women say that they like doing it."  Looks at my husband and smirks.

Me:  "No fucking shit.  Have you seen those bitches that live up in those Alps?  They have to contribute something.  No fucking kidding that they're willing to suck dick.  How else are they supposed to keep the inside of their cheeks warm?"

Now, on to the Costco item of the month.  I don't know if you guys have ever stepped foot in the concrete wonder emporium that is the greatest bulk retailer of the world, but it is an addiction of a level known only to crack addicts and Whitney Houston.  

This weekend I found my new favorite snack item:

Boulder Canyon Natural Foods - Rice and Adzuki Bean Snack Chips - Chipotle Cheese Flavor

Holy mother of Uranus are these things really freaking good and they aren't even made out of fried potatoes.  If you have a chance to try them, do so.  Supposedly they are only available at the Big C, but maybe you can get them online.

One warning - they do tend to make you shit rabbit turds.

Hope everyone had a great weekend.

Friday, October 3, 2008

You Must See This

What is up bitches????

This made me laugh out loud today.  So it gets a thumbs up from me.  The corn on the cob is my favorite.