Thursday, October 9, 2008

Gastro Pubs and Blow Jobs Again

I just got home from Chicago.  In and out in two days and I am freaking exhausted.  The trip wasn't a total waste of time because I took a training class that was actually worth something for once.  It was given by actors who help you overcome fears of public speaking and it was both unique and applicable to what I do, so bonus.

My entire group went to dinner last night at a Gastro-Pub.  Blech.  I will eat a lot of different foods, but two thirds of the menu was shellfish and I am allergic.  So I was stuck with a Scotch Egg appetizer - look it up - it's not as bad as it sounds and a salad.  It was the worst salad ever created.  It tasted like dirt and grapes.  The only redeeming thing I had was a very nice variation on a Pinot Noir, so all was not lost.  

On to the Blow Jobs.  I am not anti-BJ.  For me it is kind of like an appetizer though.  I much prefer the main course in every meal and I am a fast eater with a short attention span.  If I am going to take 5 minutes away from my quest to rule the Universe, then I want to get as much done in that amount of time that I can, so foreplay isn't high on my list.  I have shit I need to get done.... 

I admit it.  I am a two pump chump.  Sue me.

Oh and to the fucking asshole sitting next to me while I was waiting on my flight today?  Never fucking fly again.  I was trying to get some work done and she is on her phone the ENTIRE time bitching to whoever was on the other end about everyfuckingthing under the sun.  I hate flying.  I hate this airport.  I am tired.  I can't sleep here because someone will rob me.  I don't even want to go to Colorado.  He is an asshole.  He didn't call me to check on me.  Blah blah fucking blah.  I was ready to reach over and jam her cell phone down her throat so I could have ten minutes of peace and quiet.  I do not want to hear you bitch and moan.  I want you to shut the fuck up or go away and annoy someone else with your blathering.  If you hate to fly, don't do it.  You are an adult.  So either suck it up and shut your fat face or never step foot in an airport again.

On a positive note, I love Midway Airport in Chicago.  It is so much more convenient that O'Shitty.  And if anyone has to go to Chicago, I highly recommend the Conrad Hilton.  I have stayed there twice now and both times were a wonderful experience.  I have been completely spoiled for any other hotels out there.  The service is excellent and the rooms are wonderful.  The last time I was there, they overbooked and bumped me up to a presidential suite.  Now I have travelled quite a bit, but even I was a little in awe of this room which had a balcony the size of my great room overlooking all of downtown Chicago.  This time I had a regular room, but the stay was just as pleasant.  

I still have a bunch of trips planned, but I will be out in California for a week in November.  I do believe I will be chained to a hotel conference room 90% of the time, but I hear they wheel in drinks every once in a while to keep us from rioting.

OK, time for bed.

Good night.

10 comments:

Avitable said...

I still can't believe that you're not coming down in two weeks. Any chances of pulling off a hail mary and making it happen anyway? You guys can stay with us.

Marianne said...

I prefer Midway as well. I especially love the Harry Caray Bar & Grill.

I pay homage to the man each time I'm at Midway. A Bud Light draft and a sub.

It's my way of honoring the man's memory.

AnkleBone said...

Look me up when you arrive in my fair city - I'll take you to dinner (and no, it won't be a seafood place)...

wafelenbak said...

Agreed on Midway. Especially now that they have the "expert traveller" lanes! Why O'Hare, who desperately needs it, hasn't implemented the same program is beyond me. I just wish more flights went out of Midway but then...they would start to be sucky like O'Hare!

sybil law said...

I can't believe you didn't get on YOUR phone and pretend to talk to someone about her!
"I hate flying! I am stuck next to some rude bitch who will not shut the fuck up and obviously hates her life. If I knew Kevorkian's number, I'd give it to her"
Or I would've done that.
:)

Memphis Steve said...

I can't criticize a hot girl who describes herself as a two pump chump. You are truly a man's dream woman.

Or maybe I just have really lousy dreams? I don't know.

If you're in LA in November then you may have the unique opportunity to meet two fellow bloggers. Three if I come, but I probably won't. Anyway, I don't know if you follow Spiky Zora Jones or Kylie of Elegantly Wasted, but if I remember correctly, both are meeting up in LA sometime in November. I had said I might try to come, too, but it's looking doubtful.

Tug said...

I'd have paid you to kill the bitch so she didn't make it to Colorado - we've got enough bitches, thankssomuch. ;-)

lspoon said...

It is my goal in life to get bumped up ti first class or a better suite while traveling. Small life goal, I know, but it would still make me feel super special :)

Slick said...

Foreplay isn't high on your list...

Every male has to love you.

Well, besides the 5 minutes....can't ya go 7?

You're working too hard.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Why didn't you just reach over and snap her cell phone shut? And then punch her twice in the head? Shit, that's what I'd've done.