Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Off to Texas Y'all

I will be in Austin tomorrow. Yee-haw.

No really. I love the south. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY RELATIVES lives below the Mason-Dixon line. I spent an awful lot of my formative years in states like Louisiana, Tennessee, Florida, North Carolina, Virginia, et cetera.

I also love country music and I have been dancing to it for a very long time. I can two-step and swing dance, cha-cha and chadish and a whole lot more. So I am super excited that my new ISO rep is taking me to some famous country and western place one of the nights I am in Austin. Yay!
Oh and the other things I am excited about:

1. My MacBook Pro
2. My new iPhone
3. I did not pay for 1 or 2
Here is a picture that I took of myself using Photo Booth. Yes fuckers I am a Mac neophyte, but I have to change, so you will in turn be subjected to my projects. Just be happy I didn't make you listen to something from Garage Band. Shudder. I don't have the balls to tackle that program yet.
I am watching you.  Creepy, isn't it?

Miss me bitches.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Where Am I?


I am not sure, but I think I am in a tunnel trying to figure out whether or not I should walk towards or away from the light.

Exhaustion has set in and there is a lot of road to walk before I rest.


In the last few weeks I have been in Georgia, Florida, Columbus and California and with a few days at home, I set off again next week for Austin, Texas.


New job has major potential for rocking the universe and about a million people would kill to work for my new company. But Dayum!

Next month is a Chicago trip and then I am home for a good long while. Thank baby Jesus!!

And here is to the ubercunt flight attendant on Northwest with whom I had the following conversation on my fourth flight in four days:

Me: "Can I please have a lid?" (for my coffee)

Ubercunt: "Whaaaatttttt???"

Me: "Can I please have a lid?"

Ubercunt: "Whaaaatttttt???"

Me: "Can I please have a lid?" a little louder this time

Ubercunt: "This isn't Starbucks!! Hmphhhh."

Listen up you old skanky has been. Just because you can't get laid without a quart of Astroglide does not mean that you have to take it out on me. When someone hands me a filled to the brim, sloshing cup of coffee on an airplane flight that is "just a little turbulence folks", a request to keep said coffee into the cup where it belongs until I have a chance to ingest it is not asking too much. In fact I would say that it would be common fucking courtesy except for the fact that you wouldn't understand what that is if it reared back and tittyslapped you. What I should have done was "accidentally" spilled the dregs of battery acid that you pass off as coffee down the front of your polyester blend navy airwaitress uniform. Maybe it would have thawed out your frozen up cuntsicle.

Hey folks! I just created a new topical cream: IcyTwat

Trademarked for the exclusive use of ADW.

Fuck it.

I am too tired to be funny.

Peace out bitches.