Thursday, April 17, 2008

Where Am I?

Really.

I am not sure, but I think I am in a tunnel trying to figure out whether or not I should walk towards or away from the light.

Exhaustion has set in and there is a lot of road to walk before I rest.

Fuck.

In the last few weeks I have been in Georgia, Florida, Columbus and California and with a few days at home, I set off again next week for Austin, Texas.

Whew.

New job has major potential for rocking the universe and about a million people would kill to work for my new company. But Dayum!

Next month is a Chicago trip and then I am home for a good long while. Thank baby Jesus!!

And here is to the ubercunt flight attendant on Northwest with whom I had the following conversation on my fourth flight in four days:

Me: "Can I please have a lid?" (for my coffee)

Ubercunt: "Whaaaatttttt???"

Me: "Can I please have a lid?"

Ubercunt: "Whaaaatttttt???"

Me: "Can I please have a lid?" a little louder this time

Ubercunt: "This isn't Starbucks!! Hmphhhh."

Listen up you old skanky has been. Just because you can't get laid without a quart of Astroglide does not mean that you have to take it out on me. When someone hands me a filled to the brim, sloshing cup of coffee on an airplane flight that is "just a little turbulence folks", a request to keep said coffee into the cup where it belongs until I have a chance to ingest it is not asking too much. In fact I would say that it would be common fucking courtesy except for the fact that you wouldn't understand what that is if it reared back and tittyslapped you. What I should have done was "accidentally" spilled the dregs of battery acid that you pass off as coffee down the front of your polyester blend navy airwaitress uniform. Maybe it would have thawed out your frozen up cuntsicle.

Hey folks! I just created a new topical cream: IcyTwat

Trademarked for the exclusive use of ADW.

Fuck it.

I am too tired to be funny.

Peace out bitches.

19 comments:

Amanda said...

Is this a trick question?

ADW said...

Nope. I accidentally posted too early. It's all ready to go now.

Memphis Steve said...

You are not too tired to be funny. You were funny. And I know so many Northwest stewardesses that there is a good chance I know Miss IcyTwat. I will tell her to give you a damn lid next time. Don't say I never did anything for you. :)

ADW said...

Steve - you are a princess among men. Honestly.

lspoon said...

ooh IcyTwat...I love it. You should make and ADW phrase of the day calendar. It's sell like hotcakes! :)

ADW said...

lspoon - don't you mean it will sell like TWATCAKES? Heh, heh.

Miss Britt said...

IcyTwat... mmmmm.....

Take a nap sister!

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Love the IcyTwat.
Your airline encounter is something that normally would have happened to me.

Avitable said...

I like my twatsicles to be blonde-flavored.

MARFSBABY said...

IcyTwat....bwaahahahahahah! Even ehxausted ur funny as hell girl.

fatwonkkid said...

I was about to suggest you show her why a lid was needed, by "accidentally" spilling coffee on her. But it sounds like you were already thinking that...I am so proud of you!

lspoon said...

What's odd is that I almost wrote twatcakes but refrained...wow :)

VE said...

Icytwat! Now that's the kind of stuff I expect from you. Too hillarious. I know how you feel about flying. I did 21 flights in a month last summer and even though they were beautiful destinations (Serengetti, Venezuala, etc.) I felt the same about service and pretty much every aspect of airline travel...

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

IcyTwat. Damn! I wish I'd have thought of that.

Tug said...

Tired or not, you are hilarious!! Are the airline cancellations affecting you at all?

Marianne said...

Hit me up when you get to the ATX. We will have big fun, yes?

Jake Titus said...

Ubercunt, Icytwat, and cuntcicle... all in the same post! I love it! Best of luck with the travels.

C said...

Ha! IcyTwat - sounds like that Icy Hot stuff to relieve muscle pain. Is IcyTwat for a long night of humping? To ease the rawness.

Memphis Steve said...

You may call me Linda, Princess Linda, and I fully intend to use my crown to make you do things for me. Fetch me a twinkie, peasant!