Friday, September 11, 2009

Let Down

I have been feeling lately like the world has let me down.  I heard some disturbing news the other day about someone that I thought was a friend of mine.  Now I know that is not true.  The relationship I thought we had was more about convenience and proximity than any real kind of friendship.  And it pisses me the fuck off.  Seriously.

I see a therapist and I have been since the beginning of the year.  She has helped me tremendously.  I get these waves of guilt and frustration and anger and about a million other emotions that just wash over me when I think about the past nine years of my life.  And guess what?  It's not all my fault.  For once, I am going to try to take other peoples' advice and realize that I do not have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.  

So to all those people out there who were friends of convenience?  The ones who only wanted to be around me during the good times?  Yeah.  You.  Go fuck yourselves.  I think you suck.  And I do not need people like you in my life anymore.

Amen.

7 comments:

Hilly said...

I so totally feel you on this one. I'm sorry that you're going through it but love your kick-ass attitude.

sybil law said...

Amen!

Nick Cage Revealed said...

I've been here waiting, not close enough, but reading your words. Responsible people like you and me tend to think it's all our fault when things aren't working. There's enough 'blame' for not taking responsibility to go around. Many people and forces of nature, life and random circumstances are involved. Perhaps you were blamed by someone, wrongly, as a child or some things went wrong around you and you blamed yourself, like I did. It takes a long time to get outside that and understand it. I think, basically, you were an innocent who had to confront some big things early on. I also put on a tough "i don't care" attitude when I really do care way too much. You're really very precious.

Tug said...

Some people don't really know how to *be* friends...and some people are just asshats that don't deserve you. our your friendship.

Kick some ass, don't even worry about taking names, just move forward & forget them; you deserve better!

Avitable said...

Sorry to hear that people have let you down. You deserve better than that. Lots of love!

Maven said...

AMEN.

That's the downside to the Golden Rule is that not everyone puts the same value in what we do, and don't reciprocate when we're decent and kind to them. I know. I struggle with this a LOT.

Good on you for wanting to take control of your happiness.

Christie said...

omg I totally feel the same way at times