Saturday, June 4, 2011

The Imbalance of Relationships

It has been recently brought to my attention (again) that there is always an imbalance in any relationship.  Whether one friend is more involved than the other, one partner is more giving than the other or the bee drone lives to serve the queen, there never seems to be an equal balance.  

Why is this?  Why do we allow our partner, friends, loved ones to give more to us than we can or are willing to give back to them?  And on the other side, why do people allow themselves to give so much without getting back what they deserve?  Is it always this way, or does that balance shift back and forth over the nature of the relationships?

I think that this is sometimes yes and sometimes no.  The drones will always serve the queen without necessarily getting anything back other than fulfilling their jobs within the animal kingdom.  But where this balance of power may work with other species, we as humans certainly have more control over our own destiny.  But why then, aware of that control, do some people continue to fight what seems to be a losing battle?  Giving so much of themselves and not really getting anything back in return.  

This thought brings me back to an episode of Friends where Phoebe argues that there IS such a thing as complete altruism.  In the end, she allows a bee to sting her to get her point across, not realizing that the bee dies as a result.  But in real life, we are not able to be completely altruistic.  In fact, a lot of people are just plain old selfish assholes who take and take and take until finally, the people around them and involved with them cut them loose to save themselves.

So..... hmmm.....  I am struggling with this thought.  It's been floating around in my brain a while now.  Just because.  I watch the people around me.  I have been involved in this so-called imbalance with family, friends and relationships.  On both sides.  And what it really comes down to is the fact that while I think there will always be someone who gives more, I don't think it has to be a drastic difference.  Maybe in a personal relationship one partner has a bad day or week or month and the other picks up the slack and gives a little more of himself.  And the other partner realizes this, acknowledges and appreciates it.  But instead of being on a teeter-totter where one person is sitting their fat ass at the bottom and the other one is at the top, giving for all they're worth, I believe that any relationship will grow and continue when each person involved tries as hard as they can to keep the plank balanced in the middle, dipping up and down slightly.  There will be times when one person needs the other more, but as long as we keep giving as much as we possibly can of ourselves to others, without being selfish dickwads, then I think that maybe, just maybe we can have that ever elusive balance.

I am still looking for it.  And maybe I am just a mellow, Pollyanna bitch tonight because I got to hang with my best friend today, get some sun and grill out, but I have hope for the future.  Hope that I can be less selfish and more giving.  Hope that the people who are and will be in my life will be the same.

Love, Peace and Chicken Grease! 


wafelenbak said...

Without getting into all the details, a friend challenged me about another friend earlier this week--what do you get out of this friendship? When was the last time she asked how you were feeling or how you new job was going. (answer=she hadn't)
So yeahhhh...I've had this on my mind lately too.

ADW said...

W - I know how that feels. I havebeen on both sides of the coin and it ain't easy.

Sevesteen said...

A relationship isn't a zero sum game. With the right people and the right attitudes, both sides can feel like they are getting the better end of the deal. There are things I hate to do that my wife doesn't mind, there are things that are a lot easier for me to do than they are for her. I think she's doing more than her share, she thinks I'm doing more than mine.

ADW said...

Sev - You're right in every aspect. I was only speaking about the things that I was thinking at the time. I hope to one day find the same balance!!!!!

sybil law said...

Must be the season or something. I've had similar thoughts, recently, too!
Only I'm menstrual and tired of a lot of people. :)

Avitable said...

I do think in a good friendship there is balance, but it's not always like for like.

And I'll stop insisting that since I text you photos of my penis that you need to respond in kind.

Miss Kitty said...


I am so glad to see that you've returned to blogging, ADW. Hang in there, and drop by E&P when you have time. :-)

--Miss Kitty

Anonymous said...

I thought everyone just did Facebook now and abandoned blogging. Thanks. Marky