Sunday, October 16, 2011

I Think I'm Ready

I've spent the last six months flying pretty much solo. It's not that I haven't dated, but I haven't been in a relationship. And I realize now that there are some very specific things that I miss about having a special someone in my life.

1. Holding hands. I know it sounds cheesy - especially coming from moi - but I love the feeling I get when he grabs my hand and holds it in his.

2. Lazy Sundays. Now that football season is in full swing, I am realizing how much I miss waking up with someone on a Sunday morning, making breakfast and cuddling up on the couch to watch the games.

3. Having someone that will just be there for me when I'm having a bad day. There are times when I really think that I am going to explode if I don't let it out. I want to be able to talk to someone about that.

4. Compassion. Even if I'm wrong, I really miss having someone in my corner no matter what I do or say.

5. Romance. God do I ever miss romance. And if you tell anyone about this, I will hunt you down and beat you like a rabid dog. But I really, really miss that. Knowing that someone else is thinking about me and just calls or texts me to say so is such a great feeling to have.

6. Fireplaces, patios and car rides.

7. Having faith in someone else. I've lost a lot of faith over the last few years. Because of the things that I have been through - some of my own doing, some not - I have an even harder time trusting people. I miss being able to let down my guard long enough to let someone else step in and take care of me for once.

8. Making dinner. I love to cook. In fact, in another place and time, that might have been a vocation for me. But I do miss making dinner with or for a special someone. Not that cooking for my kids isn't great, but there is definitely something amazing about putting together a special meal for a special person and the feeling you get when they love it.

9. Massages. On both sides. I love to take care of someone and make them feel just a little bit better after a long day. I also won't say no if they want to give me a back rub as well.

10. Having a partner. Just knowing that there is someone waiting to spend time with me at the end of a long day...

So now, I think I might be ready again. I am not 100% positive, because I think I still have some healing to do, but I do know that if that special someone comes along, I'm not going to run in the other direction the way I have been doing. I've spent a lot of time with friends and family these days. Putting into perspective my priorities and goals in life has become a focus for me. Knowing that I am making some changes in myself to be a better person overall has helped me open up to all of the possibilities that life has to offer.

Don't misunderstand me though. I am not going to settle for Mr. right now just to have companionship. I would rather be alone than settle. Never again. But neither am I going to close myself off from the option of being with someone. It just has to be the right person for me.. I'm not looking, but if he's out there then maybe the universe will bring us together.


Avitable said...

Good! :) And I'll always be in your corner, hot stuff.

sybil law said...

You're going about it the right way, though - so when that person comes along, it'll be fantastic!

Christina Haviland said...

Great post Autumn. I was just thinking about a similar thing in my life. I think, after the heartbreak of divorce, what we really want is a reminder that the heart muscle can still function at all. Relationships that aren't meant lead to the alter are no less special than those which do in my mind, they are like P/T for the soul. They can hurt a little because of the stretch, but're growing strong for the right one.

ADW said...

Adam - thanks. I can always count on you.

Syb - I hope so.

C Hav - you are absolutely right. I haven't wanted to be ready, but I really think I am now.

Memphis Steve said...

I like all the things that you listed missing. I've been in a weird situation lately and I haven't had much of any of it. I don't know much about the dating scene where you are, but I suspect you won't have much trouble finding a long line of guys wanting to date you. I hope you find the right one.

Neuse River happenings said...

your really hot.
and wish you luck for seeking man to be love.