Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Doctor

I have to go to the doctor today.

I am thinking about canceling my appointment.

Doctors scare me and this one in particular scares me mightily.

I am afraid of what I might hear. I am also afraid of what I might not hear. It's unnerving to say the least.

I have been the biggest procrastinator my entire life and never more so than recently. I am stuck in a quagmire and I know I am sinking, but I just can't seem to find the reason to pull myself out of it anymore. The world keeps spinning on its axis and rotating around the sun, but I keep sinking lower and lower into the pit and the sun seems too far away to ever reach now.

I don't feel funny anymore. My inspiration comes from my dreams and they are not what I would deem pleasant. Not nightmares, but a hash reality of life vividly brought forth by my desperation and imagination. Where am I going? What am I doing? How will I get there? Do I even care anymore?

Sinking, sinking, sinking. Ever slowly down into the abyss.

Where are you when I need you? My inner self and most inspired and trusted confidant?

I don't even talk to myself anymore.

4 comments:

sybil law said...

I've been feeling incredibly tired some hours, super hyper other hours, irritated, elated... I feel like I've just been manic in general, lately.
I keep blaming the frigging Spring!
Hope your visit goes okay.

Tug said...

I blame winter, the economy, etc. etc. blah. You'll get your mojo back, hang in there! ((hugs))

Nick Cage Revealed said...

Seems like your life has paralleled my own for awhile. I'm not sure that the experiences are the same but the feelings are. I have been into the valley of the shadow of death and it's serious, very serious. I pray for you daily, more than once.

Avitable said...

I hope you can get the answers that you need.