Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Doctor

I have to go to the doctor today.

I am thinking about canceling my appointment.

Doctors scare me and this one in particular scares me mightily.

I am afraid of what I might hear. I am also afraid of what I might not hear. It's unnerving to say the least.

I have been the biggest procrastinator my entire life and never more so than recently. I am stuck in a quagmire and I know I am sinking, but I just can't seem to find the reason to pull myself out of it anymore. The world keeps spinning on its axis and rotating around the sun, but I keep sinking lower and lower into the pit and the sun seems too far away to ever reach now.

I don't feel funny anymore. My inspiration comes from my dreams and they are not what I would deem pleasant. Not nightmares, but a hash reality of life vividly brought forth by my desperation and imagination. Where am I going? What am I doing? How will I get there? Do I even care anymore?

Sinking, sinking, sinking. Ever slowly down into the abyss.

Where are you when I need you? My inner self and most inspired and trusted confidant?

I don't even talk to myself anymore.

4 comments:

sybil law said...

I've been feeling incredibly tired some hours, super hyper other hours, irritated, elated... I feel like I've just been manic in general, lately.
I keep blaming the frigging Spring!
Hope your visit goes okay.

Tug said...

I blame winter, the economy, etc. etc. blah. You'll get your mojo back, hang in there! ((hugs))

I AM MINE said...

Seems like your life has paralleled my own for awhile. I'm not sure that the experiences are the same but the feelings are. I have been into the valley of the shadow of death and it's serious, very serious. I pray for you daily, more than once.

Avitable said...

I hope you can get the answers that you need.