Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Funny Things Kids Say

You know how parents always brag about how smart/cute/funny their kids are? I don't. I don't need to bcause once people meet my kids, they find that out for theirselves - ask KY, she is stalking my baby boy.

My children are 2 (almost 3) and 10 and are a boy and a girl respectively. Over the past years, both of my kids have said things that made me feel completely ignorant. I will share some of those items with you today.

SuperDiva (approximate age 3) in a conversation with me about allergies:
SD: "Why can't you have that?"
HG: "Because it has crab in it."
SD: "Why can't you eat crab?"
HG "Because mommy is allergic to shellfish."
SD: "Why?"
HG: "I just am, it will make me sick to eat it."
SD: "WHY?"
HG: (Getting Frustrated) "Because it will."
SD: "What does shellfish mean?"
HG: I can't eat anything that has a shell on it."
SD: (Taking her time... I can literally see the wheels spinning in her head as she is thinking about this concept) "Well, you can eat eggs, can't you?"
HG: Doh.... "Uh, yeah I can."
SD: "Then you can eat things in shells."
HG: "Never mind, you are way smarter than me already."

Conversation with HootersBoy just the other day:
HG: "You cannot have that candy, you have had enough junk today."
HB: "Please?"
HG: "NO!"
HB: Batting his eyelashes and making a cute little face. "Please mommy, I love you mommy."
HG: "No, too much candy will make you sick."
HB: Holding out his little hand. "Trust me mom.."
Hah - it was super cute and funny, by no candy was to be had.

HootersGirls, SuperDiva (Age 4) and good friend Chocolate Bunny having lunch one day at a crowded eatery:
HG: "I am really pale, I need to get some color before we go to Las Vegas."
CB: "Well go tanning then"
HG: "I know, but it is such a pain and I get bored in there and it takes so long to build up your tan. So what do I do? I get impatient and go in for too long and get burnt."
CB: "You are an idiot."
SD: (to CB) "Wow, you must have gotten stuck in the tanning bed."
HG: "OH....My...Gosh......"
CB: Laughing Hysterically. "That's exactly what happened. HG, your kid cracks me the fuck up."

There is an honesty in children that is not tempered with biases and bigotry until they get much older. What my child said was how she perceived the situation to be and there was no harm meant. It really was funny and Bunny still tells that story to people.

There are so many other fun stories, like the time I took my grandmother and her best friend out to lunch for my grandmother's birthday and relayed a message to her from Chocoalte Bunny. I told her that Bunny was going to hire her a stripper for her birthday. Unfortunately, I wasn't thinking about SD being there (she was about 3 or 4 at the time) and she jumped up on her chair in the midde of Olive Garden and started dancing around and singing, "stripper, striiiiiiper, stripppppper, stripperstripperstripperstripper." You get the picture.

Anyway, sometimes my kids say funny shit and I may post about it. This is more for my failing meory than anything else, but feel free to comment about some of the things your kids (or any kids you may know) say as well.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love you and your writings..Totally hilarious...This is Liz by the way. Well...Pierce says a lot of funny shit on a daily basis but when we went to Target a few weeks ago, this stuck in my mind..
It was on one of those rare nice days that we have had this entire friggin' month and I absolutely had to run to Target, but Pierce had other ideas about playing outside. I made him a promise that we would play with his dumptrucks when we got back, so he agreed and got into the car. We get to Target and he keeps asking me when we can go home..I said in a few minutes when mommy is done shopping. Well, apparently that didn't appease him because he proceeded to ask this lady with her 4 year old daughter:
"Can you please take me home, because my mom won't." I laughed my ass off..It was so funny. Not to outdo himself, as we walked out the front doors of Target, there were several landscapers spreading mulch around the trees in the parking lot. Pierce loudly announces, "MOM. I HEAR POOP. I mean I SMELL POOP." Just about the same time 30 other people were walking in and out the doors.
Pierce is really hilarious and I know your little ones are too.
If I come up with anything else, I will add it.