Friday, April 6, 2007

Larry, Larry quite contrary

Another Hooters post...

I have a problem with liars. People who habitually lie are constantly hurting those around them and end up getting caught ayway.

Let me tell you about "Larry". Larry was a member of the 6' plus class. One hiring blitz netted us four new girls over 6' tall and Larry was one of those girls. At first she seemed sweet and fun, but once I got to know her I could sense there was something a little off. After being a corporate trainer for various companies, you can get a pretty good read on someone and while I couldn't quite put my finger on it, there was something about Larry that didn't sit right with me.

The other girls disagreed with me. Everyone loved Larry. She was bright and fun and cute, what was there not to love about her? Well, she was a cum guzzling cunt. Yes I said the C-word, it is a favorite of mine. I own that word. I don't let the word bother me and it is exactly appropriate to ues that word to describe Larry.

The lies started off as little ones. First she said that she was adopted. Then she said that she was half Japanese - NO FUCKING WAY was this girl half Japanese (curly auburn hair, pale white skin with freckles - absolutely no asian features whatsoever). Then she said that her dad was the head of a large group of Italian-American "business" men and that he was uber-wealthy. I could keep up with these stories, but you can see what kind of tales she was telling. They didn't add up, period.

Next came a whopper. Apparently she was going to be flying to New York to model during fashion week. Now don't get me wrong, Larry was a lovely girl (on the outside anyway), but she was no fashion model. Plus by this time, the other gals were starting to catch on to her falsehoods. So we did what any self respecting group of people would do, we checked the story.

Supposedly Larry was flying out to New York in June to model runway for Calvin Klein for their Fall Fashion show. Hah! If you are going to lie about something, at least get your back story straight. Everyone knows that Fashion Week for the new fall fashions was held months before. Fall Fashions are shown in the Spring and vice versa. Even though we all knew this, one of the girls double checked to make sure there wasn't some other type of show going on. Nope - no fashion shows for Calvin Klein in June.

Ok - so she lied about that. She was still a fun girl and some of the ladies were still friendly with her. No problem. Even though she was a huge whore. This girl would uck anybody (not a mistake, just put any letter in front of the uck and that is what she would do). My girl Asian Persuasion (once you go Asian, forget the Caucasian), caught her giving a BJ to one of our cop friends in the parking lot one night. At least take your uniform off you trashy little fucktard. It's hard enough to do a job where a lot of folks already perceive us as "trashy" without proving them right. Dumb Ass.

So she's a whore and a liar. People were already starting to alienate her from the "club". Then the unfortunate happened. Larry got cancer (it's been a while, but I think it was Ovarian - correct me if I'm wrong girls). It was awful. She would come in to work her shifts sick and exhausted. She was in the process of scheduling her first round of chemo at a hospital in Pittsburgh, a 2 1/2 to 3 hour drive for her. Girls started trading shifts with her. She would get the best sections, but then she didn't feel well enough to close (FYI - the better sections in a restauant are usually the ones that are "closing" sections which means that person has to stay all night and close down the restaurant afterwards). She would come in late for shift, which would normally mean that you get to pick your section last, but we would all let it slide since she was so sick.

One night a bunch of the girls were going out. Our Hooters was located in a downtown area that was known for having a large assortments of clubs and restaurants all within walking distance from one another. Larry went out as well. The group was having a great time until Larry realized that her purse was missing. She started freaking out. KY found her purse and returned it. Larry gushed out her thanks. Why? Apparently she had $18,000 dollars in there for her Chemo session the following day. WHAT???

OK - stop right there - shit is not adding up. $18,000 for chemo. Could be right, but who pays for that in cash. Plus aren't you a student? Or do mobsters with half Japanese adopted daughters not carry health insurance? But isn't your mobster dad extremely wealthy? Why are you paying for your own chemo anyway? And why the fuck are you driving to Pittsburgh when the Cleveland Clinic is 5 minutes away and is one of the best hospitals in the world? AND - if you are so sick that you can't close, why in the fucking hell are you going out drinking and partying the day before your fucking chemo sesson.

Yes folks, Larry lied about having cancer. Who does that? Evil, evil girl. I have personally had a serious cancer scare (caught the problem one stage before full-blown cancer) and I am constantly fearing that the problem will return and be worse than before. Cancer is not a joke - a lot of folks die every year from all kinds of cancer. What a horrible, sad thing it is to think of some twenty-something girl going through that torture and pain, just to find out that she made the shit up to get better sections and not have to work as hard as everyone else.

What happened to Larry's Hooters career? Well, I know she left not long after we realized what she was doing. I am sure that the pressure started in various ways (I can't really remember the details), but I know that it was very blatant. We didn't want to be associated with someone like that anymore. Management had nothing to do with it. Hooters girls take care of their own and while none of us were angels, there are certain lines you don't cross and faking cancer is the lowest, nastiest thing you can do.

I would love to say that Karma turned around and bit her on the ass, but I cannot. First, I would never wish cancer on anyone. Not even a dick-sucking, lying whore like Larry. Second, I saw Larry again a few years ago when I was bartending at another place and she was still a pretty girl - on the outside. She had a long wait for drinks that night. A long enough wait that she eventually went somewhere else, since I made the staff aware of what a shitty person she was.

Now, Larry's is a story that comes up every time more than two of us get together. I think that her tale is still brought up for a few reasons, but there is only one that matters. This group of ladies that I have been blessed to know and love is filled with wonderful, intelligent, witty(more so than I) and caring people. While we may have our own issues, none of us has ever done something as low as Larry and the retelling of this tale reaffirms our strength in ourselves and each other.

I truly and sincerely love you all (you know who you are). Thank you for being my friends and family for the past eight years. Your friendship and love mean more than you will ever know.

Now go run a bus tub you fucking whore!!!



K-Y said...

ah, good old Larry. I remember going out to eat with her alot after work. I already secretly hated her, but sometimes she was ok, and she lived close to me. we all need a friend sometimes! I would listen to her stories about how she wanted to be in the FBI. Im like girl please..... one psychological assesment and that wouldnt happen. Plus im sure you'll be really weak from the chemo by then.

FYI, about the whole purse thing...... I know i was there when the purse was found, but i dont remember if I was actually the one that "found" it. (it was 7am on a browns sunday) I dont want to take credit for someone elses discovery. However, when we told her we found it and gave it back she told the best lie of all...... I'll never forget as she exclaimed, "Thank God you found my purse, it has $18,000 cash in it." Liar liar pants on fire. she was serious though. i think she believed herself. stupid whore with 8 names. what were her 10 names again?

ADW said...

Oh yeah - I thought you found it. I forgot about the ten names. I think her full name was Larry Dirty Whorebag Cumguzzling Cunt Knobslobbing Santa Barbara Chang Guiliani...???

Miss Kitty said...

Love, love, LOVE your blog. I'm a former nightclub hostess and can empathize with every post you put up. Keep on blogging--you tell a story well. Reading your blog tkaes me back to "the good old days"...without actually having to go there. :-)