Thursday, March 29, 2007

Blood Leaking Out of My Ears

I actually have a job. We could even call it a career. I am not wing slinging anymore, but sometimes I am not sure if this is a step up or a step down. My dilemma with my productive position in society is one with many facets, but to break it down... I now deal with the same fucktarded type of people as I did before, but now I can't tell the folks how crapfabtastic they are like I could in the past.

Por Ejemplo:

Today I had to sit in on a meeting that literally made blood seep out of my ears. I felt dumber for being a part of it. The best thing about the meeting was that I did not even need to be present. I went with another person for meeting #1 and was drug into meeting #2 which had got shitfuck to do with my bidnezz.

On top of that, I literally laughed out loud at the customer in the middle of the meeting. She was a sight to behold. This is what she looked like:

I hate Muppets - puppets of any kind freak me out - it is twisted that a grown ass man wants to shove his hand up the ass of an inanimate object and pretend it is real (If you do this is in public to a latex, life sized baby batter receptacle, 49 out of 50 states will have you arrested). In fact, when I was a child I refused to watch the Muppets because I couldn't fucking stand Miss Piggy. I wanted to rip that fat, mouthy snout off of her and shove it up her ass. It is because of Miss Piggy that obese women think they should walk around in mini skirts and half shirts while showing off what looks to be the rip cord for a parachute but is in fact a bellybutton ring.

Anyhoo, this person looked and sounded like the creature above, but was even more annoying. I guess she didn't realize how absurd the whole situation was, what with her asking questions about activities that are SOP for the project. She was not smarter than a fifth grader. I actually laughed out loud at the absurdity and got a dirty look from the person I was with. So I spent the next 20 minutes bleeding out of my ears because my brain was melting. I also imagined that the paper mache humanoid art projects (I swear it - they were propped up everywhere and each one looked like it had been cast over the creator's own body) that were decorating the room were turning into mummies and then they came alive and spit venom in this lady's face. Just as she turned into a puddle of puss and goo, I got a nudge from my buddy that the meeting was over. Two more minutes and I would have slipped into a coma.

....I get to do it all again tomorrow...

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