Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Psycho Bikes

OK so I have had a completely fucked up day and I am venting. First of all, I almost got T-boned twice in 45 seconds today and then I came within inches of turning a guy on a bicycle into a speed bump. Have I mentioned yet that I completely fucking hate driving anywhere in Cleveland during rush hour? These people are complete assholes and have no redeeming qualities whatsoever when it comes to driving. I am not even going to qualify this statement and pussy out and be PC. I honestly wanted to kill someone when I finally got off of the freeway and then I almost did.

After motherfucking every driver within screaming distance and then having a complete psychotic breakdown I procede to my destination already in a pisser, but NOOO it could not end there. Apparently unkown to me there is a new law on the books that says middle aged, drunken motherfucking white trash losers in flannel riding 30 year old Schwinns do not - I REPEAT DO NOT - have to stop for any red lights in the city of Parma. (You all remember Parma from The Drew Carey Show - take a vacation there sometime - me, I'd prefer Guantanamo Bay) I am turning left and this douchebag shitstain comes barrelling down the hill, flannels a flyin', and procedes to shoot straight across oncoming traffic with zero attempt to brake. Then this useless piece of mixed up DNA starts screaming at me - I missed him by fucking inches people. Are you freaking kidding me? This is when I do the visualization techniques so often prescribed by the shrinks. Instead of seeing a bunny frolicking in a field of clover, I imagined getting out of my car, walking up to the aforementioned piece of shit, pulling down his trousers, taking out a nut in each hand and wrapping them around his throat until he turns that violent shade of purpleredbluegreen that I love so much. Then when his O2 supply is at its most critical level, I let go and tell him to FUCKING STOP NEXT TIME.

I may need help, but according to most psych studies more than half of us do, so in actuality, I am more normal than a lot of you. HAHAHAHA

1 comment:

Chuck said...

Sorry to comment such an old post, but your current stuff is interesting and I decided to troll your archives....

LOL. I know EXACTLY how you feel. You should have at least castrated him to ensure that stupidity won't reproduce....