Friday, March 23, 2007

Short Shorts cause infections

To this day, I cannot see a woman (or man for that matter) in a pair of teeny tiny short shorts and not get an involuntary twinge of pain in my secret place. I can only say that I do not miss wearing a uniform that is slightly larger than the clothing little girls use to dress their Barbie Dolls in. Over the years I have worn some ridiculous uniforms as a server/bartender, but the little orange Dolphins put all else to shame.

In case you don't know, the following is (from memory) what the "official" Hooters uniform consists of:

.....We will go top to bottom
1. Hair nicely styled and worn down (BFOQ)
2. Makeup neatly applied - can't look too trashy though
3. A Smile - are you freakin' kidding me
4. A standard Hooters tank top
- the tank top normally will have the name of your store on the front and the back reads "Tastefully Simple Yet Unrefined"
5. A nametag
6. A pair of Orange Dolphin shorts.
- they start at XXS and only go up to M
7. A Pouch
- This is a small brown wait pouch that you use to carry your bank and doubles as cover up for the camel toe the shorts provide.
8. Extra Thick Sheer to the Waist Nylons
- They usually run about $5 a pair and you cut the feet out to make them last longer
9. White Slouch Socks
- I think the only reason they are still around is for this purpose.
10. All White Tennis Shoes
- Some stores still make their girls buy the old Reebok high top versions

Number 6 listed above made my OBGYN A LOT of money over my Hooters career. I cannot stress enough how bad it is for you to encase the entire lower half of your body in tight ass nylons and then cover them with shorts so tight they have to be pried off by the end of shift.

If I have forgotten anything, chalk it up to PSST and let me know. But I will NEVER EVER forget the dreaded "Dolphins Camel Toe" and ensuing requests for Diflucan once a week. I think that I am now immune to seven different kinds of lower region antibiotic. Hmmm maybe one day the shorts will be outlawed.

Now supposedly, the uniform of the Hooters Girl originated because one of the founders had a secretary who went jogging at lunch. This lovely lady wore - you guessed it - tiny Dolphin shorts, a white tank top, slouch socks and high top tennies. Now almost 25 years later, thousands of girls trying to get through college (or whatever) have to put up with raging yeast infections because of someone's awful fashion sense. Oh well, at least I don't have to wear them anymore!!!

4 comments:

Memphis Steve said...

You don't wear them for your husband every now and then? Aw!

John Grammer said...

Hmmm, I wonder sincierty are truthfullness of your post are if someone didn't know about personal hygine at her earlier Hooter days. First I inquired from several of our local Hooter's girls and none of them ever stated they had that problem you mentioned about the hose and shorts causing. Second, sound like someone didn't know about cotton crotched panty hose to let that part of the anatomy breath.

Other activities could cause the same problems you quote...and I am leaning in that direction as to the cause....

Don't blame a uniform when it is most likely the person is the problem....

Anonymous said...

'John Grammer'? seriously? first off you, of all people should know how to spell 'sincerity'. Secondly, Hooter's Girls are not (necessarily) hoes.

What a rollicking surprise than none of your local wing- slingers wanted to discuss their vaginal health with you, you presumptuous twit.

You look old enough that you should know that anything but breathable cotton panties are not good for hygiene. Apparently not. Oh, and I guess you weren't aware that women are not just for decorative &/or sexual purposes only...

here's the info. dick.

Mark chow said...

What happens if you need to use the bathroom while wearing that outfit