Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Thankful 2007

I am such a copycat, but I am doing a "things I am thankful for" as stolen from The Cherry Ride.

See Cherry, I told you that I would give you your proper.

  1. My vagina - she flips, she spins, she makes grown men whimper
  2. Captain Morgans - makes #1 more amorous
  3. All other Rums - in case they are out of Captain Morgans
  4. Capitalism - money, money, money.......MONEY
  5. Technology - Makes me money, money, money......MONEY
  6. Preparation-H - helps millions sit easier every day
  7. Urban Dictionary - yeah
  8. Swear Words - Where would we be people, without the ability to cuss a muthafucka out
  9. SpongeBob Squarepants - keeps child #2 occupied for hours
  10. The power of the boob - keeps the big kid occupied for hours
  11. Mechanical Bulls - keeps me in a steady supply of #6
  12. Tom Cruise's crazy ass - makes me laugh, shake my head and wonder at the supreme idiocy of Hollyweird
  13. Other Bloggers - I heart you hard core
  14. Trailer hitch bull testicles - Have you ever seen these flapping about while driving down the highway? It's a site for the ages.
  15. People with a sense of humor
  16. Gay hairdressers
  17. Kickboxing class - it has kept me out of both jail and rehab. Totally worth the 39 bucks a month.
  18. Baby wipes
  19. High heels
  20. Short skirts
  21. The fact that both #19 and #20 supply me with #2 for free
  22. Turkey
  23. John Madden's fat ass on screen eating Turducken every third Thursday in November.
  24. Our men and women serving in the military.
  25. My family
  26. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
  27. The space program
  28. The human body's ability to fart
  29. Ice Cream Cake
  30. Fat babies
  31. Great friends
  32. Better enemies
  33. People who say what's on their mind and don't give a fuck who cares.
  34. The Declaration of Independence and her sister the Constitution - we're not perfect, but I still live in the greatest country on earth.
  35. AstroGlide
  36. My Eager Beaver and her sister the Wascally Wabbit
  37. Singapore Slings
  38. The word cunt
  39. Parents who like to drink
  40. Neighbors who RAWK

I am sure there is a bunch of other shit I am missing, but for now, it's good enough.

I will leave you all with this conversation I had with the Mr the other day:

I was leaving the house Saturday morning to go to my kickboxing class. I was running late and grabbed Mr's old, ratty ass Ohio State sweatshirt that is quite possibly older than I am.

I kiss the hubs on the cheek (he is asleep in bed) and start to walk down the stairs. I am halfway down when I hear this:

Mr - "Hey you! Get back up here a sec."

Me - Walk back into the bedroom "What?"

Mr - "That's what I thought I saw. Take my sweatshirt off."

Me - "Are you serious?"

Mr - "Look Ohio State is playing Michigan today and I have to wear my sweatshirt. So take it off and find something else to wear"

Me - ????? Glaring "Seriously?"

Mr - Just stares

Me - "FINE!!! But this sweatshirt won't suck your dick" I take it off and throw it at him.

Mr- After looking at me and then at the sweatshirt. "Well you don't either"

Me - "Point taken"

And since OSU stomped that team from up north's ass into the ground, I have a feeling that I will never be allowed to wear the sweatshirt.

One more thing:

How do you keep a Michigan player from masturbating?

Answer:

Paint his dick Scarlet and Grey, he won't beat it for years.

A ha ha ha.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

25 comments:

fatwonkkid said...

I was at the liquor store one time and saw some Capt. Morgan's Rum. Next to it I saw "Admiral Nelson's Rum". It was in a white plastic bottle, with a pirate/sailor looking guy. Hilarious!

Here is a suggestion for you:
Sliquid
- water based
- hypo-allergenic
- glycerin free
- long lasting

Plus it has a catchy name! Way better than AG!

Victoria said...

Ooohh, I'm a Capt. and Coke gal too!! That list was great!
And I just ordered another pair of shoes!! Go see http://www.zappos.com/n/p/p/7378784.html
So pretty.
Happy Thanksgiving!

The Charming Hedonist said...

My roommate is an Ohio State fan. I am a hardcore Georgia Fan. However, outside of the SEC, I have adopted Ohio State. Yes, they are great in the football department, but they throw even better parties! I'm totally ripping off you're joke!

Franki said...

Hirarious!

Me Capt-n-Diet Coke girl.

It's really hard to be thankful for Ton Cruise.

honkeie2 said...

I am a captian morgan drinking parent that makes the cuties fat babies with a flare for hairdressing and love t&a in shorts dresses......

Memphis Steve said...

I don't even know what to say. This was just awesome. I laughed and laughed. And got a little horny. Not necessarily in that order.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I had a sweat shirt that sucked my dick. The bitch would never swallow so I gave it to Goodwill.

Avitable said...

Happy turkey day! I'm thankful for your vagina, too.

BottleBlonde said...

I'm thankful for short skirts, too. Easy access ... to my venus flytrap.

Miriam said...

Aw! I <3 you hardcore too!

Happy Turkey Day!


http://lspoon.wordpress.com

Glamourpuss said...

Good list.

I'd have to put breasts in there, though. They have brought much good into my life and I am thankful for their perky perfection.

Puss

themuttprincess said...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I am also thankful for the word Cunt.

Dan said...

LOL!!

Definitely funnier than what I just posted. Happy Thanksgiving ADW!

RWA said...

Interesting list, and that's a pretty impressive comeback about sucking dick from your husband.

Great Michigan joke, too.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

This was a great mother-effing post. I enjoyed your list. I've got a Costco-sized bottle of Captain Morgan at home right now.

Tug said...

Hard core hearting? damn, I'm touched.

or want to be.

or something.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Open Grove Claudia said...

so, if someone said, "get up here" to me. I'd ignore them. Just middle child me. I do love how you guys turn the tables on each other - true love.

Happy Thanksgiving! :)

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Ha...a very good point. I don't think sweaters suck dicks and if they could do that and cook. hehehe. We'd be replaced ages ago.

I saw the game...it was fabulous. Um. though I'm a Bruin, I still go with the Pac 10 teams. Yes even rival USC.

I loved your list babes...you RAWK.

Slick said...

I'm slippin'...why didn't I think about vaginas?? Geezus, I need to go re-evaluate myself.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving ADW ;)

marky said...

your husband must be thankful for that spinning vagina and the farting under the covers.

metalmom said...

I LOVE THAT LIST!!! AND YOU!!!

And apparently, upper case letters.

Betty said...

great list babes. I wish my amazing vaginamite would get out more and stretch her legs a bit. HAHAH. I think I'm a bit tipsy on something today......

Kim Ayres said...

you mention farts and vaginas but not queefs...

Miss Kitty said...

Here is my previous post (from March 2007) on what I call "Truck Nuts":
http://educatedandpoor.blogspot.com/2007/03/warning-this-post-not-family-friendly.html

Love the Michigan joke. And I'm not involved in the UM-OSU rivalry; Georgia's rivalries with Florida, Auburn, and Georgia Tech are my main football concerns.

Hope your T'giving was boozy and happy, ADW.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

You did me proud.
I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving!