Can I Unscrew My Ears?

I would like to remove my ears for a while. Not forever, but just for the next, um....... how long until the day after Thanksgiving?

I called my parents' house last night and my sister Vee was down visiting from North Carolina and she answered the phone. I mistook her question: "how are you doing?" as a reason to launch into an expletive filled diatribe over Christmas Music.

Let me explain.

Or maybe I don't need to explain.

Is it just me or is everyfuckingbody playing Christmas music now? I am the type of person who puts things in places and for me, Christmas music belongs in the very defined area of The Day After Thanksgiving until New Year's Day. Period.

We went to the pumpkin patch, a grand old ass raping by the way, to pick pumpkins last weekend and I was walking through the corn maze with Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer playing a loop through my brain. It was then that I realized that it wasn't the first time I had heard Holiday Music before the denoted Holiday Music time frame. What. The. Fuck?

So now I am much more susceptible to the prevalence of all things Christmassy. The decorations that are already out. The fact that Kohl's already has Christmas Ornaments on sale for half off. The gearing up of the local and national retailers for an all out warfare on consumers this year. And the everlasting fucking music.

But here is a little secret that I want to share with you all. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! It took a long time for me to exclaim this fact, loudly and proudly, due to some unfortunate circumstances surrounding the Christmases of my childhood. Ones that I will share with you all in due time. But now that I am an adult with a family of my own, I find the true joy and meaning in the Holidays and the Christmas Spirit. In fact, for the last 10 years or so, I have even refrained from kicking homeless people during the aforementioned Christmas Carol/Holiday season. An outstanding feat of selflessness that should be recognized damn it!

I am a rambling mess in this post, but I hope you all can understand that it comes more from the aggravation of getting present requests this early in the year and the pressure that is building up inside of my head from ignoring the urgent desire to sing an unbridled version of "Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear" than from any of the other multitudes of demands on my life, time and sometimes blood flow.

The cool thing is that I took today off. Not because I wanted to, but because my little Peanut Butter has an ear infection and it made him throw up all over the place this morning on our way out the door. Since daycare tends to frown on parents arriving with children smelling of Amoxicillin vomit, I stayed home with him today. We laid down on the couch and watched the Fantastic Four. He is in love with Jessica Alba. I don't blame him much for that. Now he is napping, dressed up in his Spiderman Halloween customer, with a little smile on that cute face.

So, with or without the Christmas Music pressure, I am one happy, sappy lady today.

Oh and you guys get to choose my next post:

1. An explanation into the ADW version of Christmas and the nightmares surrounding it growing up half-billy style.

OR

2. An insight into the story of Pinocchio. By me. 'Nuff said.

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