Today's Post is Brought to You by the Number 100

That's right fuckeroonies, this is my 100th post. I almost wish that I had something profound and insightful to say, like they do on TV. The 100th episode of any television show is cause for celebration with a big ass cake and a bunch of candles. Someone loses their virginity, does drugs, gets drunk from their parents' liquor cabinet, gets knocked up, et cetera, ad nauseum. But here in hoo-ha land, we're gonna keep it simple. There *gasp* may be some swearing in this post, so tuck the kiddies off to sleep.

I spent the most of Sunday and all of Monday and Tuesday in bed with a raging case of the clap, er I mean bronchitis. My musings/ponderings from my forced bed rest lead me to believe that the nastiest taste in the world, aside from fecal ice cream, is bronchial induced phlegm. I can't even explain the taste, because it is a vintage all its own, but it is quite bitter with hints of bile and just a note or two of garlic. I also realized that if you cough twenty times in less than a minute and open your mouth realllllyyyyy wide, that you can catch a glimpse of your lung. You can only see one at a time though, so that is kind of shitty. I've seen more watching my own Upper GI, but still, after watching the Real Housewives of Orange County for 20 hours straight, a gal needs something to look forward to before pure boredom sets in.

I went back to work today to find out that one of my customers passed away the day before Thanksgiving. It came as a huge shock because he was still very young (early middle age) and he had a massive heart attack that killed him. I am so sad for his family and his wife. They were still newlyweds and my heart breaks for her and the rest of his family.

I also got to deal with what may be the stupidest person in the world today. Sometimes, I struggle not to laugh when dealing with this creature because if I start, I may not be able to stop until I keel over, or I give in to my fantasy of taking a chair leg, or some other handy device, and braining the freak with it. How someone, who may be illiterate, acquired the rank and title that this borderline brain dead IQ haver received is beyond me. I get sick to my stomach every time I have to deal with this person and by the time it is over, I just want to crawl into the fetal position and suck my thumb. Instead, I rely on a steady supply of sarcasm and the knowledge of my greater intelligence to get me through. However, one of these days, my internal monologue is going to go on the fritz and I will just start blurting out what runs through my head every time we meet. Namely things like: "how do you stand upright?" and "Is your ass starting to eat the rest of your body?" and "Is it possible for you to have more than one application open in your brain at any given time, no, didn't think so." When that day comes, YOU WILL ALL HEAR ABOUT IT. Probably along with the notice that I was fired from my job, but we can't win 'em all.

Thank you all so much for your sweet words and encouragement from the last post. As I mentioned before, I was sick for the last three days, but I did read all of your comments. And to clear one issue up, I am not epileptic, but I do have seizures. For the last seven years, I have suffered from seizures that started from a severe concussion. They are like epileptic seizures in some ways and are different in others. The first time I had an episode, I actually lost the ability to speak and I had to teach myself how to speak normally again. I stuttered horribly and I would have sometimes more than a dozen seizures in a day, which would reverse my progress. The first two weeks were the worst. Slowly but surely, I started having less and less seizures as time moved on. I went from multiple times a day to once or twice a day to once or twice a month over a period of 6 to 8 months. Finally, they subsided almost completely. Now I normally only have a seizure if I am at an extreme point of exhaustion, sick or very upset. I do know when I am getting ready to have a seizure because I get what is called an "aura" which is a pre-seizure indicator, so I can prepare myself. Sometimes, I can even fight them off, but not always. It's something that you learn to live with, and it could have been a lot worse than it actually ended up being, so there.

Being my 100th post, we will celebrate in true ADW style with another foreign language swearing lesson. This time, we are going to learn how to swear in Mongolian. Those Genghis Khan freaks with the high foreheads never come visit me, even though I am 1/1689th Mongolian. Dickheads.

Chatsag - Diarrhea

Nusaa chirsen pizda - Snot Dragging Cunt - WTF?

Umbuu - This is the word cow when used as an insult

Muu altsaasan yanhan - This means "dirty spread-legged whore" as opposed to closed legged whore

Iruugai avaj nuruugai maijmar, ilgai avaj bogsoo archmar - THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE -

Take your jaws and scratch your back, and take your liver and wipe your ass


I know that I am way behind on my Pinocchio story, but I have been sick, so shut up!!!

Plus, there is a very important day coming up, one you will all be celebrating. I need to think up a suitable post or six to devote to my very favorite day of the year.

Now to leave you with my favorite saying that I used to sign Hooters T-Shirts with:

"Let me sit on your face, so you can eat your way to my heart."

ADW