Friday, May 11, 2007

I Hate Grape Pop

Actually I love grape pop - Shasta (McNasty) is the best. But Sean, well Sean hates grape pop, he says that it tastes like medicine.

Sean is what I like to call an irregular, as opposed to a regular in restaurant vernacular. He was a Hooters customer who came in at least 3 times a week and sat in my very good friend BBS's section (BBS stands for Built like a Brick Shithouse - the girl is fucking amazing). Sean is one of those people who are a "little" off. He is not quite Rainman material, but he is not normal either.

I saw Sean this week. Randomly. Walking through the mall.

So I called BBS to tell her and this is the conversation that took place:

ADW - Hey BBS what's up?
BBS - Can I call you back, my kid is trying to run into the street.
ADW - Sure, I just wanted to let you know that I just saw Sean - I hate Grape Pop Sean - at the mall.
BBS - What? Did you talk to him?
ADW - Fuuuuuuuck No!!!
BBS - OK, I'll call you back.

3o minutes later:

ADW - Hello?
BBS - It's me.
ADW - What's up?
BBS - I can't believe you saw Sean, what does he look like?
ADW - Cuba Gooding Junior, but you can tell he is a little bit...... off.
BBS - Was he wearing his normal outfit?
ADW - Yeah, he had a T-shirt tucked into jeans with tennis shoes and a baseball hat on.
BBS- I wonder how he got to the mall, there is no way he has a driver's license.
ADW - Well we do have busses.
BBS - I guess so.
BBS - I bet the people living at my old address still get mail for me from him...

OK - so you get the gist of the conversation. I totally forgot that Sean used to stalk BBS. Seriously, stalk her. Can I just say that there is nothing scarier than knowing that someone is following your moves and trying to figure out where you will be at any given time with the express purpose of seeing you.

Now I don't think Sean had it in him to be a dangerous stalker, but you never know about that kind of thing. When I think back on it I can recall quite a few times when BBS was blatently mean to him, just to get him to leave her alone, but it never worked. When Hooters closed, he used to send her things in the mail - no one knows how he got her address. The last time Sean tried to contact her, he told her that he was going to stop by her house to see her. BBS moved not long after that and has not heard from him since.

But, good old Sean was the source of some amusement for us. He used to come up with the most random statements at the worst possible times. He would stop you in the middle of a lunch rush when you had a full section, food in the window and a bus tub to run, just to tell you that he ate a candy bar the night before, but it had too many nuts in it to taste really good. AND - he would say the exact same thing to everyone in the place over and over again. He would sit at BBS's table and stare at her or HOURS at a time. After a while, we all started to feel sorry for Sean, but we could not help but be amused by his antics. He would tell outrageous lies like he was a DJ/Bouncer for a very expensive Gentleman's Club downtown - Ha! No way in hell. He had three jobs and made insane amounts of money - Uh Huh.

But the best thing that Sean EVER said was the following statement that he made on our busiest day of the year - One he felt he had to stop BBS for in the middle of a home Browns vs. Steelers football game when we had people standing up eating, using the cigarette machine as a table (we were fucking shit slammed):

In his cadence:
BBBSSSSSSSS...
What Sean?
I.
Hate.
Grape.
Poooooooooooooooopppppppp.
It.
Tastes.
Like.
Meh-Dee-Sun.

BBS -
Sean.
Are.
You.
Fucking.
Kidding.
Me.

Then she walks away and Sean tells everyone else about his hatred of grape pop.

Maybe you had to know Sean, but seeing him brought back that story. Whenever I see grape pop, I think of him. It's weird the effect that some people have on you. I guess I'll never forget him - and he still probably thinks that he is BBS's boyfriend.

BBS - I am sure that I left some things out - feel free to fill them in for me on the comments page.

Happy Friday.

P.S. "Take off your shirt, it will make you feel better about yourself"
quote taken from BBS during a double shift at the Alces Azul

ADW

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

First of all, this is fucking hilarious..I almost peed myself laughing out loud. I even made the turtle face several times through out the passage because it made me feel really good about myself. When I used to get his letters in the mail at my house, my roommates (4 guys and me) would tape them up on our living room wall, right next to the HOOTERS hockey jersey that Big Fucking Perm (!!!!!!!!!!!) gave me because he liked the looks of my camel toe. Sean, Sean. Remember his copper bracelet and gumball machine necklaces? Oh I used to feel so sorry for him. Until he told me that his mom was so happy that he found a girl who would marry him. Maybe Larry gave him her number? What a cute couple of white-asian-american indian-black babies they would have!
I am trying desperately to remember other things he did/said..Grape POP was by far the best...Sigh. I miss Hooters days. How about writing a blog about Vic fucking me in the handicapped bathroom during a shift?
xoxo
Much love to you sister.
LIZ

Anonymous said...

It is Liz again.
You forgot:

"Hey Sean, How are you doing today?"

"PRETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTY GOOOOOOOOOOD."

Mr. Fabulous said...

I like to think that if he applies himself and takes it seriously, that Sean CAN one day grow up to be a serious stalker and, God willing, even take it so far as killing someone one day.

Believe in your dreams!

Malnurtured Snay said...

Hah, see, when Sean was saying he hated grape pop, it sounded like he was saying "Grape Poop." Or at least, that's how I read it.

tfg said...

Sounds like he was a stalker savant.

themuttprincess said...

HIFUCKINLARIOUS!

I will not look at grape pop the same.

ADW said...

BBS - the fucking turtle face - I can see it in my head right now, but in person it is soooo much better.

Mr Fab - You are right, it is good to believe, but I think Sean is to much like Radio to really ake for a good stalker.

Snay - We all hate grape poop - that is just nasty.

TFG - you are correct sir

Mutt - I don't look at it the dame anymore either.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

ADW: It sounds as if Sean has moved on to things like stalking other girls and NOT drinking grape soda. You know what that means? A stalking vacancy just opened up. BBS, let me know if you'd like a new stalker. I'll have my assistant submit my resume.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Sounds like he rode the bus alright...

...the SHORT bus!!! Am I right people??!

tfg said...

Dayum.....I like the new profile pic.

ADW said...

Dr K - I'll ask BBS if she is in need of another stalker

Dyck - you are funny - that is why I love you

TFG - Thanks, I was wondering if anyone would notice.

Legaleagle said...

so apparently my comments don't save... hmmmm.

It's those kind of people who will show up when you least expect it. Then you'll wonder -- has he been following me for years and I just haven't noticed? Creepy...

ADW said...

Legal:
Your comments are't saving??? What's that all about?

Variant E said...

I mixed grape soda with vodka when I was 15. This is why they make kids stay at home until they're 18...