Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I'm Baaaaack!!!

OK. So I really heart going back to Maryland. I grew up in the area on and off during my younger years and it always feels really good to go back "home". I had tons of fun and completely turned my soon to be four-years-old niece into a potential felon, but I will post about that later.

I just want to now give the folowing insights on certain drivers:

1. Maryland/DC/Virginia Driver (from the tri-area) - these folks are not mean, or reckless, but they like to drive FAST people - get out of their way. I am used to 55 mph speed limits in the Cleveland Plus (more about that in the future) metro area, but it does not work like that back home. I was in the "fast" lane on 270 North out of DC and we were doing 85 to keep up with traffic. The Slow Lane was going about 77 mph.

2. PA drivers are assholes Period. Fucking pricks. Plus there are Falling Rocks everywhere and I like nothing better than being tailgated while driving 80 miles an hour through mountains. I hope the cocksucker in the POS white Ford flew off the mountain and his truck blew up in a massive, glorious explosion. That shitfuck almost ran me off of the road.

3. OH - speed up fuckers. I want to get home. Once I enter OH it is the homestretch of my trip and the speed limit on the turnpike is 65. Do you know what that means people? It means that they don't even bother pulling you over unless you are going over 75, so step on it- I want to sleep in my bed before the sun comes up in the morning grandpa!!

An Ode to the Ohio State Flower

You come in the Spring,
and leave in the Fall.
Your lovely Orange color,
a beacon to all.

A rare bloom is our lady,
she grows in strange places.
Like roadsides and medians,
berms, drives and pavements.

With stripes down her sides,
a reflector on top,
Where the flower springs up,
traffic comes to a stop.

Oh yes, many believe that our flower
is a carnation.
It is not nor it should be,
to our eternal damnation.

No the state flower is ever lovely,
but could be your peril.
The wonderful, dangerous,
ethereal Orange Barrel.


Mighty Dyckerson said...

Nice ode, but I like mine better.

Legaleagle said...

Digging the state flower! Here in the sunshine state we always say that in winter up north, they get snow. Down here, we get Bob's Barricades! Construction sucks no matter how your slice it.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Hah-hah! Maryland drivers are some of the worst in the nation, guaran-fuckin-tee!

tfg said...

Jesus, truer words were never written about shitty PA drivers.

fatwonkkid said...

in MA, you will be tailed gated at 80 mph. you will also be cut off without the driver knowing they cut you off, or there was even a car in the lane they turned into.

nobody signals, nobody wears a seat belt.

too many people do their makeup or read in the car while driving it.

Miss Kitty said...

Awesome! Can I get some "orange barrel flowers" for my yard? (Would that be redneck-y, or what?)

Georgia drivers aren't much better. They're slow and don't use turn signals...except in Atlanta, where they drive fast and still don't use turn signals.

ADW said...

Dyck - you can like yours better if you want, that's OK. They are two different genres of poetry though.

LE - Yep, it does suck, but we never get a break from crappy driving. It's either snow (I know we CHOOSE to live here) or construction and potholes from the snow.

Snay - MD drivers really aren't that bad. New York, PA, Las Angeles... those are some bad f'ing drivers.

TFG - since I was a wee nosher, I have known of the perils of driving through PA.

Fat. - thanks for stopping by. I don't know about MA (one of the few states I have not been to), but I will take your word for it.

Kitty - my folks live in waaaaayyyyy SE Georgia and the drivers don't seem tooooo bad, they just go at whatever pace suits them and tend to ignore all rules of driving engagement. Plus they carry shotguns in their truck cabs, so I'm a little scared to go all road ragey on them.

fatwonkkid said...

adw, there is a difference between bad and aggressive drivers. i find NY drivers to be aggressive, but they are pretty good drivers. In NY, they will cut you off, but know they are cutting you off. They will also use their signals for about 1.5 seconds to indicate they are about to cut you off.

in MA, they are aggressive and bad drivers. They will cut you off, not know they did, while they are reading, and then slow down 15 mph so that you have to slam on your brakes to avoid rear ending them.

I know many typical NYC drivers that are deathly afraid to drive in MA, and that is saying something!