Thursday, May 17, 2007

Oh Shit, My Parents..

may be embarrassing me. I did not think that this was possible as pretty much nothing embarrasses me anymore - I worked at Hooters!!! Duh.

So I called my mom (stepmom - long story) for Mother's Day and she and my father were driving from Georgia to Gettysburg with my grandparents (step-maternal). My dad answered the phone and sounded semi-suicidal which is justifiable, since my Grandma loves to bust my dad's balls at any given opportunity and he had been stuck in a car with her for the last 12 hours. So I did what any loving daughter would do, I laughed. Hysterically. Seriously, for like 5 minutes I couldn't stop cracking up because the visual of Grandma P in the backseat fucking with EVERYONE for half a day was just too much.

When I finally stopped laughing, dad put mom on the phone and I wished her a happy M-day. We chatted for a while and then I talked to Grandma P, blah blah, blah.

The next morning, I get a message from my mom on my cell phone. She was like "ADW, you will never believe what your father and I did, call me when you get a minute." Since I wasn't sure whether this little incident happened before or after I talked to my mom - hell it could have happened the previous year with the way they are forgetting shit - I didn't call her back until later that evening.

So I finally get a hold of the folks and my mom forgot why she called me in the first place. After some discussion with my dad and grandparents, she finally remembers why she called. They got kicked out of the restaurant they went to the evening before.

The Fuck???

Seriously, my parents - and subsequently the grandparents, got kicked out of an eating establishment.

The reason?

The host accused my mom of being drunk and making a scene.

My parents' excuse?

They say that the waitress was very rude to them and threw silverware at them. When they complained, the host accused my mom of being drunk and beligerant.

My take...

Yup. I can totally see my folks pounding down a couple of bottles of wine and pushing their waitress too far. Sometimes I think that if I was waiting on them, I would throw knives as well. I thought that I had trained them to behave better than that. You would think that after working in the service industry for over a decade, my parents would have figured out what passes as acceptable behavior. Apparently, they have not.

You see, my dad is a retired Command Master Chief, US Navy. He totally reminds me of Robert De Niro in "Men of Honor". Seriously, he spouts this kind of shit off all the time:

Billy Sunday: My name is Master Chief Billy Sunday. There was a preacher by the same name who cleaned up Chicago of all the whoring xxxx, drunken xxx and motherfucking xxxxxx that was making that place unfit for decent folks to live. The only difference between me and that old preacher is that he worked for God, and I *am* God!

OK, not exactly the same, since he doesn't use the racial slurs, but you mostly get the idea.

My dad also likes to say things like:
"Pain is vastly underestimated as a positive motivator."
"You deserve what you tolerate."

And other such shit.

Anyway, the point is, my dad will fuck with anyone, anywhere, at anytime and doesn't give a shit who it is or what they do. Maybe that is where I get my brass balls and irreverence. Probably. But I can totally see him fucking with a waitress, not meaning any harm by it, and having his jokes taken the wrong way.

No matter what, I won't know what really happened until I talk to my Poppa. My parents will each have their own story and Grandma P will most likely take whatever side is the opposite of my dad's. But Poppa, he is the quiet one. He will observe and wait in any situation. But when someone asks his opinion, that is the one that is usually right.

I'll just have to call him up secret-like in a week or so and get the full scoop.

Until then, I am left with the vision of my parents being forcefully escorted from the PennsylTucky Dutchhaus after too much Gew├╝rztraminer.

Ha!
ADW

13 comments:

tfg said...

I wish my parents were cool enough to get thrown out of somewhere.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Your dad sounds a lot like my granddad. He says things like "Suck my dead pig" and "Fuck you, you fucking farting robots."

Legaleagle said...

FAmily is great....in small doses....with lots of alcohol.

ADW said...

TFG - My DAD will get thrown out of places anytime, but my mom.....

Dyck - Was your grandad a seaman by any chance?

Eagle - I heart my family - we like to drink together (=

Scary Monster said...

Iffin it were me parents at the restaurant it probaby would have been me dad who got everyone thrown out of the place....For stealing the silverware.
When me was a kid we always had completely mixed up sets of utensils and most of our steak knives had the local restaurant's logo on the handle.

STOMP.

P.S. You worked at hooters and that's what we get for an avatar!?! Shucks!

Malnurtured Snay said...

I'm not going to believe you worked at Hooters until you post a photo of your boobs.

**

I can't believe how trippy my parents get when they have a few beers. They NEVER drank when me and my sister were growing up, and then there they are, drinking, making sexual innuendos ...

XEOSS.com said...

Hey,
nice post,
by the way,
have you been on XEOSS
today?

Don't miss it!

Have a good day..

Scary Monster said...

Hey the xeoss dickweed has stomped you too!

I'm with the snay..... Me want hooter proof.

BTW you just happen to attract the sexiest men in the blogosphere. Don't judge a stud by his avatar.

Kim Ayres said...

I've never been chucked out of a restaurant, but when I was 18 I was chucked out of a bar for drawing cartoons on their wee paper menus. I tried telling them that one day I'd be famous and I'd actually increased the value of their menus, but they wouldn't listen to the logic of a drunken teenager

ADW said...

Monster - I gotta see what I can dig up - I'd have to scan some photos in - it seems liek lots of work...

Snay - No booby pics, but if you are good, maybe I'll change my pic to one of me in uniform (=

XEOSS - you are a douchebag - fuck off

Kim - Send me one of those menus and I will frame it - just make sure you sign it too.

ADW said...

Monster - I gotta see what I can dig up - I'd have to scan some photos in - it seems liek lots of work...

Snay - No booby pics, but if you are good, maybe I'll change my pic to one of me in uniform (=

XEOSS - you are a douchebag - fuck off

Kim - Send me one of those menus and I will frame it - just make sure you sign it too.

Scary Monster said...

Me loves recurring redundancies.

Helen Skor said...

My dad once got us all booted from a restaurant at the beach for threatening the parents of the 3 annoying children behind us who had thrown a dinner roll and pelted my dad in the back of the head. It was actually worth it though, because in all my years, I had never seen him get that mad at anyone but my brother and me! The poor father of the brats turned the strangest shade of grey when my dad started yelling, and then his wife started flapping her jaws, and she should still be thanking her lucky stars that my dad would NEVER hit a woman.

I've also been booted from a restaurant with my aunt who was slipping me shots under the table even though I was only 17 at the time. I never did tell my parents about that one!