Saturday, July 21, 2012

Dream a Little Dream

I woke up this morning with the craziest dreams running through my head.  Of course, my first thought was that everything was status quo, but then I realized how much my life has changed over the last few weeks.  It sank in where I was and what I had been through and then I started remembering my dreams.  People from the past, the present and ones I had never met before.

I know the most startling thing that I dreamt about was golfing.  Which is really strange because I don't ever remember dreaming about that subject before.  But there I was, alone, on this gorgeous golf course and I was surrounded by all of these men who were just dying to play.  And I was by myself.  I hit my first tee shot and promptly lost my ball and then while looking for my ball, lost my golf clubs.  I am sure that is my subconscious speaking to me, because I recently took up golfing again and lost both my golf partner and my golf clubs.  It's crazy the things that you will do to make someone else happy when you care about them.  That's what my dream said to me.  I was alone, surrounded by people I didn't know, nor care to know, but I kept at it.  I kept looking for my clubs praying to find them and eventually I did.  I have no clue what that means for me in real life, but I feel like I can't give up on my dreams anymore.  And I absolutely will not change the kind of person that I am simply because I have been hurt in the past.

Maybe I dreamt a little craziness because of the evening I had which consisted of me FINALLY leaving the island.  My girlfriend and I went out to dinner at a very nice restaurant, where we promptly sweated our asses off because it was outside and their fans weren't working.  I also managed to eat part of a steak and while it was OK, it just doesn't compare to my top two places to have a steak back home.  Eventually, the sweat and heat and the weird M.I.A. lookalike - who by the way was rocked out of her gourd and wearing a lace veil - drove us inside to the lobby of the hotel.  It wasn't until then that we realized it was freaking fashion week.  And then the following happened:

  • I was hit on by someone who may have had his head shrunk and told me he was a doctor no less than 10 times.
  • His friend yelled at my friend for not talking to him.  She told him to get fucked.
  • I was standing at the lobby bar and was approached by two Indian men.  One was approximately the size of a Zu-Zu Pet.  The other asked me if I was in town for fashion week and if I had an agency.  Um, what?  My girlfriend threw away his card, but then the bartender told us he was a solid photographer who worked all over the area. 
  • I was oddly flattered by that, since I am about 15 years too old and 5 inches too short to be a swimsuit model, but I am really chalking it up to the fact that D is in makeup artistry school down here and I was airbrushed and painted to hell and back last night!!!
  • Oh and since we were bored, I thought we should people watch.  We were standing against a pillar and suddenly there was a HUGE commotion of people coming through.  It ended up being Kanye West and Kim Kardashian and their bodyguards and entourage.  Meh.  I was not impressed.  He looked to be about the same size as she was and in her defense, if I had people following me around everywhere, I would probably look like I had a mouthful of shit too.
There's nothing more anticlimactic than some D list celebrity spotting.....  OK maybe C list, since he is like an A and she is an F, so we moved on.  D's friend is a club promoter, so we were on the list for a place neither of us had ever been.  She had heard good things about the place.  Those people are obviously liars, because what happened next was sheer insanity.

First of all, D is insanely gorgeous!  In fact, we joke that she's a lost Kardashian, because she has that exotic look about her and a killer body.  I am not ugly.  But between the two of us, there is no way in hell that we should be the hottest girls in a nightclub.  First of all I was over the median female age range by about a decade.  At least.  Secondly, we had a table - courtesy of the promoters - and their job is to bring in pretty girls to lure in the guys.  Last night, I am certain that their qualifications meant that you only had to have a pair of boobs and a short skirt because the hottest girl there was our server. 

Anyway, unattractive people aside, we were in VIP, which is where I belong thankyouverymuch.  However, the table next to us was filled with a large group of men from Canada and Italy.  And I have never seen so much douchebaggery in my life.

The following is a list of my observations about the rest of the evening:

  • What is up with SUPER TIGHT colored jeans on men?  They all had moose knuckles. 
  • Two of the guys looked like the Mario Brothers and were wearing the same shirt. 
  • D wanted a picture so I offered to "dance" with them for a time limit not to exceed 5.6 seconds while she snapped the shot.
  • That was until I turned around to see the guy we nicknamed Toadstool grabbing Mario's crotch and holding on for dear life.  When he saw me looking he tried to replace his hand with mine.
  • I pulled out my flyswatter and smacked him lightly, but he went flying across the room. 
  • That didn't dispel his notion that he was the hottest guy in the room, so he started dancing on the table which brought his height to approximate 5 feet even.  I might even be spotting him a few inches.
  • Collectively, we couldn't take anymore, so we decided to leave.  However they closed their outside bar and the exit was into some back alley.
  • We couldn't help feeling like we had been kicked out of the club, when all we wanted to do was get into our beds.
  • Our cabbie was the best part of the evening.  He played his rap music loud and drove like a fugitive from the law.  His entertainment amused me so much that I made his tip a large one.

So that was about it for my evening out.  Not awful.  My girl and I laughed a lot.  Ended up a bit annoyed at the end of the evening and went to bed.  But under all of that, I was still hurting the entire evening and I pray for the day when I wake up and make it 24 hours without crying.  I have a long way to go, but I rejoined humanity for a while and while it felt awkward, at least I made the effort.


Anonymous said...

"A" for effort!! Good girl!!
Super tight colored jeans and moose knuckles = gay?

sybil law said...

Pretty sure with THAT sort of evening, it would feel awkward no matter what! Not my scene at all, but I'm glad you got out!