Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Hooters Sangria

Summer Party Season is upon us and I thought I would do my friends a favor and post my world famous Hooters Sangria Recipe so the rest of the universe can share in it's awesome wonder.

Now most people think that Sangria is made with wine and some kind of juice and brandy and if that is the recipe that you enjoy, then be my guest, but you won't find that here. My sangria is guaranteed to produce an eternal sunshine of enjoyment. It has assisted in baby making, strip teasing, naked orgies and an awful lot of girly make out sessions. I have been making this particular recipe for a LONG ass time and it never fails to get people in the party mood for several reasons:

1. It tastes great
2. Beer drinkers will usually drink it
3. Liquor drinkers will usually drink it
4. Children love it and it keeps them passed out for hours

OK number 4 isn't entirely true, it actually keeps them passed out through the night. The only people who don't really enjoy this drink are the wine snobs, but hey, you can't please everyone.

The number one thing to remember about this recipe is that it came from HOOTERS, so it has been bastardized down from the original version to a more white trash method of mixology. For those of you who have never passed the entrance of a Hooters establishment, I will share with you some astounding information. Hooters does not serve liquor. At all. They only serve beer and wine. Some will have you believe that the reason is so the patrons don't get so wasted they get out of control, but we all know that after 28 tall drafts, even the most reasonable of men (AND WOMEN) will sometimes get out of hand. No the real reason, in my opinion, is that they don't really want to have to deal with the pains of acquiring and keeping a liquor license. So to appease the non-beer drinkers in the crowd, some genius at HOA (Hooters of America - parent company to all franchises) devised a fruity drink that seems like a cocktail, but contains zero liquor.

The reason I love the stuff is my lack of appreciation for any type of malted beverage. I rarely drink beer and if you are pulling a double on a long, hot day, there is nothing better than having a regular customer sneak you a pitcher or 4 of this delightful concoction. I have spent many a night downing glass after glass of Sangria thoughtfully provided to me by a table celebrating a man's last night of freedom. They were thinking that it would be fun to get me drunk and easy. What they didn't realize was that I was already easy and it takes a lot more than some fruity wine to get me hammered enough to let some cross-eyed slob into my pants. It takes money and lots of it.

So without further rambling, my Sangria recipe - regular and sugar free:

Pitcher - any size, this recipe is by portions, not measurements
Bottle(s) of Burgundy Wine - the best to use are the relatively inexpensive "jugs" you can buy at the grocery store - the bigger the better
2 liter(s) of 7-up
2 liter(s) of Mountain Dew
2 liter(s) of Pink Lemonade - regular will do in a pinch
(you can also use cans but that gets costly)

-For the diet version, change all of the soda to Diet and use Splenda instead of Sugar

Fill the pitcher with ice (you can leave the ice out if you want to add ice to the individual glasses)
Fill the pitcher halfway up with the wine
In the space remaining, fill halfway up with 7-up
Fill the remaining space (except for about 4 inches) with even parts Mountain Dew and Pink Lemonade
Sugar or Splenda - to your taste
Squeeze half of each fruit into the drink and discard the carcasses
Slice the other half of the fruit into wheels like so:

Add the fruit wheels to the top of the pitcher. You can also use them to garnish the glasses.

Drink, repeat and enjoy.

It may take some tweaking to get this to give you a taste bud orgasm, but nothing bad will come from practicing.



THIS is what I serve the Sangria in:


Tug said...

Did you say you were mixing & it's ready? 'Cause I'm on my way...

themuttprincess said...

I am with Tug.

Mix some of that shit up and let the good times roll!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

It's better if you substitute the 7-Up with Jack Daniels.

ADW said...

Tug/Mutt - Oh yeah!!

Dyck - I can't believe you didn't add poon to the mix.

Amy said...

Ok, that sounds delish!!! I've been snooping around for some big, deadly, party recipe for the 4th of July - because nothing says Happy Birthday America like a drunk with matches and fireworks!

ADW said...

Amy - I have updated the post to show what I serve the Sangria in - a friggin' 5 Gallon Beverage Jar - Party on!!

tfg said...

That kind of reminds of Jungle Juice, which was a party favorite from my wasted youth.

Basically we filled a cooler up with the cheapest fruit punch available. Then, we'd add numerous bottles of Everclear and sliced fruit. About halfway through the party when everyone was shitfaced, I'd toss in my right shoe, just for the hell of it.

Glamourpuss said...

There's a great British tradition of feeding infants gin to help them sleep. Supermarket brand will do - you don't want to be wasting your Bombay Sapphire on the little gits.


ADW said...

TFG - Everclear = debauchery at it's lowest form. Thank goodness we're older and smarter now.

Puss - thanks for stopping in. Naw, this stuff here is like a little fruit punch.... with a kick. It keeps 'em out of our way and out of trouble.

Mim said...

Oh Sangria, how many wonderfully drunken debaucherous nights I've spent with you!

I just found your blog and I fell in love. I also commented on your 'big fuck you' to Sears post. I think you might find it interesting.

Scary Monster said...

"baby making, strip teasing, naked orgies and an awful lot of girly make out sessions."

Me be workin on a batch ofit for the weekend. Maybe it will keep me out of public areas when me gets into trouble.

Stay cool and STOMPY!

mist1 said...

I'm coming over for Sangria. Shall I bring anything or am I enough on my own?

Anonymous said...

FUCK. I am looking forward to this drink on the 30th. Fuck, fuck flibbity fuck.
This is BBS. By the way, in case you didn't know.

Crazy Lady said...

I thought you had me with baby making, strip teasing, naked orgies and an awful lot of girly make out sessions - but then you threw in that it will keep the kids passed out for hours. Now I am seriously considering leaving work right now stopping at the grocery store and doing a little (ok, maybe a lot) drinking for the night.

ADW said...

mist - come as you are

BBS - honey I'd know a comment from you anywhere. Less than 2 weeks to the big blowout. I wonder how many cops will come this year?

Crazy - It's the gist that keeps on giving.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Oh yeah, and add a pinch of POON!

Scary Monster said...

Me be with Mr. Dyck. The poon will make ya STOMP.

Anonymous said...

This is so awesome! The kid goes to sleepaway camp this weekend and we'll be making this IN BULK. It will be counted nutritionally as our fruit servings with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Or maybe it'll just BE breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

You are rapidly becoming one of my mostest favoritest people, like, ever. I like the way you drink, uh, think.

Da Monkey Code said...

Ah Sangria, I used to make it every year for our New Years party. That is until I decided that I wanted to start seeing midnight on new years.....

And how can you be a good Cleveland girl without enjoying the malted joy juice? I simply breaks my heart.

ADW said...

DYck/Monster - I knew that between the two of you the Poon would come up again.

Doll - Thanks. I drink. Uh. I mena I think.

Monkey - I'm not originally from Cleveland. Although one side of my family can claim relationship to the Yeung-Lings's - that is great beer.

Anonymous said...

Actually Hooters of America does serve liquor.

Anonymous said...

hey the real hooters sangria recipe is sierra mist soda burgandy wine and fruit punch and sugar to your liking and then add the fruit

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