Hooters Sangria

Summer Party Season is upon us and I thought I would do my friends a favor and post my world famous Hooters Sangria Recipe so the rest of the universe can share in it's awesome wonder.

Now most people think that Sangria is made with wine and some kind of juice and brandy and if that is the recipe that you enjoy, then be my guest, but you won't find that here. My sangria is guaranteed to produce an eternal sunshine of enjoyment. It has assisted in baby making, strip teasing, naked orgies and an awful lot of girly make out sessions. I have been making this particular recipe for a LONG ass time and it never fails to get people in the party mood for several reasons:

1. It tastes great
2. Beer drinkers will usually drink it
3. Liquor drinkers will usually drink it
4. Children love it and it keeps them passed out for hours

OK number 4 isn't entirely true, it actually keeps them passed out through the night. The only people who don't really enjoy this drink are the wine snobs, but hey, you can't please everyone.

The number one thing to remember about this recipe is that it came from HOOTERS, so it has been bastardized down from the original version to a more white trash method of mixology. For those of you who have never passed the entrance of a Hooters establishment, I will share with you some astounding information. Hooters does not serve liquor. At all. They only serve beer and wine. Some will have you believe that the reason is so the patrons don't get so wasted they get out of control, but we all know that after 28 tall drafts, even the most reasonable of men (AND WOMEN) will sometimes get out of hand. No the real reason, in my opinion, is that they don't really want to have to deal with the pains of acquiring and keeping a liquor license. So to appease the non-beer drinkers in the crowd, some genius at HOA (Hooters of America - parent company to all franchises) devised a fruity drink that seems like a cocktail, but contains zero liquor.

The reason I love the stuff is my lack of appreciation for any type of malted beverage. I rarely drink beer and if you are pulling a double on a long, hot day, there is nothing better than having a regular customer sneak you a pitcher or 4 of this delightful concoction. I have spent many a night downing glass after glass of Sangria thoughtfully provided to me by a table celebrating a man's last night of freedom. They were thinking that it would be fun to get me drunk and easy. What they didn't realize was that I was already easy and it takes a lot more than some fruity wine to get me hammered enough to let some cross-eyed slob into my pants. It takes money and lots of it.

So without further rambling, my Sangria recipe - regular and sugar free:

Pitcher - any size, this recipe is by portions, not measurements
Ice
Bottle(s) of Burgundy Wine - the best to use are the relatively inexpensive "jugs" you can buy at the grocery store - the bigger the better
2 liter(s) of 7-up
2 liter(s) of Mountain Dew
2 liter(s) of Pink Lemonade - regular will do in a pinch
(you can also use cans but that gets costly)
Sugar
Lemons
Limes
Oranges

-For the diet version, change all of the soda to Diet and use Splenda instead of Sugar

Fill the pitcher with ice (you can leave the ice out if you want to add ice to the individual glasses)
Fill the pitcher halfway up with the wine
In the space remaining, fill halfway up with 7-up
Fill the remaining space (except for about 4 inches) with even parts Mountain Dew and Pink Lemonade
Sugar or Splenda - to your taste
Squeeze half of each fruit into the drink and discard the carcasses
Slice the other half of the fruit into wheels like so:

Add the fruit wheels to the top of the pitcher. You can also use them to garnish the glasses.

Drink, repeat and enjoy.

It may take some tweaking to get this to give you a taste bud orgasm, but nothing bad will come from practicing.

ADW

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!

THIS is what I serve the Sangria in: