Thursday, June 28, 2007

Thursdays are for saying I Hate You

Every once in a while I like to let it all out. Ya know what I mean? All of that vitriol that builds up inside needs an escape outlet before my skin starts changing to that hulky shade of green.

And so on with the show:

  • I hate you Thursday for being so close to the weekend, but just far enough away that I know I still have shit to get done before I am rewarded with two days where I don't have to hear my customers whine and complain.
  • I hate you July 4th, 2007. What the fuck is up with you being on a Wednesday? This is completely screwing up my schedule.
  • I hate you random cities who can't figure out the best day and/or time to put off their fireworks. Some are on Saturday, some are on Tuesday. Make up your fucking minds. We should just change it to "Independence Week" and get it over with.
  • I hate the fact that just because they have an X AND a Y chromosome, men think that they don't have to help with party preparations. Are your friends coming? Oh, you invited 30 people from work and golf? Well then they can eat whatever you are cooking and the rest of the guests get to eat all of this fabulous food that I prepared over here. Oh. You WANT to help with the party shit now? We'll see. Mwah ha ha ha ha ha.
  • I hate feeling obligated. You all know what I mean.
  • I hate one of my neighbors. Stupid hawk faced cuntbag. I'll explain why later, just know that I am right and she is a gassed up windbag that should only be used as a fart pillow. I can't fucking stand that stupid self-righteous narcissistic bitch or her steroid rage husband . Guess who is the only person on my street not invited to the Par-Tay on Saturday.
  • I hate cleaning. I am not a neat person by any standards. I'm not dirty, that's just gross, but I do put off for tomorrow what should be done today. Now I am on my twenty fucking third load of laundry in the last two days. This is not a lie or an exaggeration. I want to tie my family up and beat them with a rubber hose. What in the hell is up with using a towel once and then throwing it in the hamper? Hm, hmmmmm? Unless you are bleeding out of your pooter and it gets all over the towel, hang it up and reuse it you little fucks!
  • I hate my husband's dog and am considering feeding her a lovely cocktail of anti-freeze and Clorox. She is a 90 - yes motherfuckingunbelievable 90 - pound FEMALE black lab. Guess what folks - she is shedding her coat. All over my house. We sweep and vacuum and dust and clean some more and every time she lays down, when she gets up there is a CSI outline of her body in coarse black hair. Fuck!! This makes it a little more difficult to keep our house clean.
  • I hate customers who don't understand what they are doing, but pretend. Oh, you want an IP Surveillance system installed by August 22nd? So does every other fucking school in the state. Guess what, I need a PO. What is that? Well, I do a survey, then I tell you what you need to complete the project, then you cut a PO, then I schedule the project. Guess what pigfucker, my schedule is FULL through the rest of the summer. Yeah, we're that good. Well, maybe I can fit you in. But. You. Must. Cut. PO. NOW!!!!
  • I hate dry grass. We need water in a bad way up here in the Ctown area and my lawn looks like it has alopecia. All patches of brown with a few spots of green showing through. Mostly where I accidentally left the water to the hose on and the connector between the two hoses ruptured from the pressure spilling I don't know how many gallons of water into the yard. Well, I guess I'll know how many when we get our next water bill. *Groan*
  • I hate the fact that I am being a shitty friend right now I just haven't had the time or made the time to let my girls and guys know that I still love them. I feel like a shitheel for being like that, but a bitch gotta survive.
  • Any other I Hates will be posted in the next session. I feel better, but this bronchitis shit is still kicking me arse.

I do have an I love. I love all of you guys out there. I cannot believe all of the support and encouragement that I have received from the blogging world. Compared to a lot of you, I am a really shitty blogger, but I am trying. Now I just have to update my links on the side to all of the new people I lurve so much.

Love, Peace and Chicken Grease



Mim said...

I think I can speak for all of us that we love you too.

Although it might be for all the uses of 'fuck' and 'cunt' in your posts!

Kanoff said...

O Casamento do Sol

Dizem que em certo tempo desejou o Sol de se casar, e todas as gentes, agravadas disso, se foram queixar a Júpiter, dizendo: - Que no Estio trabalhosamente sofriam um Sol, que com seus raios os abrasava, donde inferiam e provavam, que se o Sol casasse e viesse a ter filhos, queimaria o mundo todo; porque um Sol faria Verão calmoso na Índia, outro em Grécia, outro na Noruega e terras setentrionais; pelo que sendo todas as três zonas tórridas, não teriam as gentes onde viver. Visto isto por Júpiter, mandou que não casasse.

(Esopo, Fábulas, vertidas do grego por Manuel Mendes)

themuttprincess said...

Ahhhh. Love you too.

You are the best as well.

Hope your par-tay is rockin!

Tug said...

I love your hates because they totally make me laugh. don't add me to the hates for that. ;-)

And I TOTALLY agree with you on the 4th is on a Wednesday thing.

Peace & chicken grease - a very good friend of mine says that; you brought a smile - I haven't heard from him in awhile.

Variant E said...

I hate it when people write hate lists and don't stop at 10. My attention span has limits you know!

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Great post. Everyone needs a post like yours.

ANd I totally agree with your Wednesday/July 4th observation. From now on, we should observe Independence Day on the Monday closest to the 4th. Kinda like we do for Labor and Memorial and MLK. This one day off in the middle of the week is bullshit.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Holy freggin' crap: I live for posts like these.

Goddamn, I'm glad I stopped here today.

Very funny.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I love dry grass. It's much easier to smoke that way. I'll bring some to the party if you want.

ADW said...

Mim - I aim to please

Kanoff - Fuck Off and Die

Mutt - thanks. right back atcha

Tug - we used to say goodbye that way at the Hooty Hoo

Varient - Sorry - I'll try better next time

Cherry - I know right? WTF is up with that. Or we could make Wednesday a day later and screw everybody up. Ha ha

Bug - thankee kindly sir

Dyck - You make it out to the party and I'll smoke whatevah you bring

Legaleagle said...

I think it's healthy to have a Fuck Off moment every now and again. And again and again.

mist1 said...

90 lbs? Seriously, I'm only a little heavier and I don't shed that much. Can I live with you?

Crunchy BC said...

I'd like a little proof said love for all of us, say, my place around 7:30PM tonight, right after "Wheel of Fortune"?

Avitable said...

I always help with party prep. In fact, I usually do most of the planning.

Crunchy BC said...

*proof of*

I stink.

Glamourpuss said...

Thanks for the chicken grease, I was right out of body lotion...


tfg said...

Cuntbag? Since when have you been able to get them by the bag?

ADW said...

Eagle - yes, yse it is

Mist - can I trade the dog for you?

Avi - of course you do, you are wonderful (= *blink, bkink*

Crunchy BC - wheel of fortune? is that some pervo game?? Huh, is it? OK count me in.

Puss - you can also light it on fire and use it to ward off bats. Or so I've heard

TFG - since like forever, duh!