Monday, June 25, 2007

I'm Being Lazy

Well, this is the 1st time that I am resorting to bullet points for various reasons. If you don't like it, then fuck off, I could give a shitfuck less.

  • Thanks to all who left comments for NYC Watchdog and thanks to those who donated to the fund. The support for our fellow blogger was outstanding and reading people's comments from all over the world brought a tear to my eye.
  • I am sick. Like either bronchitis or walking pneumonia sick. My doctor actually prescribed my meds over the phone on Sunday. I have man-voice right now and bark like a seal when I cough. It hurts to breath and the physical area around my chest cavity - both back and front - hurts to the touch.
  • I hate most everybody today
  • I had to sit through an inordinately long seminar on drug abuse in the workplace and when I wasn't coughing up blood, I was picturing myself taking my lovely ink pen and stabbing the way too fucking happy to be here registered nurse that was doing our training in the neck with the pen and dancing around in the ensuing pool of blood.
  • Apparently there is a phenomenon called "shy bladder" - mine has never been shy. I don't have a "shy third eye" either.
  • The stupid cuntbag that was supposed to present a new technology to my group (we had people drive in from 2 states for this) failed to show up at the scheduled time and then lied about sending an e-mail this morning to cancel. He was coming in from Chicago. How is it acceptable in a professional atmosphere to cancel a meeting the same day with a company who had people come in the previous night for that meeting? Oh, it's not? Well suck my moose knuckle you dillhole.
  • I drove into work this morning instead of working from home because of the above meeting. I may track that fucker down and torture him like the detainees at Guantanamo.
  • My daughter got sucked into another soccer tournament this weekend. We ended up playing the same team we beat in the last two tournaments in the final. That team's coach is a dirty cocksucker who teaches his 10 year olds how to play illegally and not get caught. I wanted to ball gag him and drop him off in the middle of a maximum security prison yard. What we did instead was beat his team for the 3rd trophy in a month. Take that you stupid piefaced ass jockey.
  • I mentioned above that I spent all weekend at another soccer tournament. My extreme misery was that I was there all weekend and while soccer sucks in and of itself, I am really fucking sick and could not breathe. At. All.
  • They found the body of Jessie Davis. Her baby daddy killed her. Anybody surprised? He will plea down and probably be out of prison in 20-25 years. I hope he gets ass raped every single day.
  • Did I mention I am really fucking sick? Oh and we have a HUGE 4th of July party at our house this weekend.
  • My friends suck at RSVPing. We could have anywhere from 50-150 people coming to our party. I told some people to bring their own chairs.

If there is anything else, I can't think of it right now. I need some serious rest and I hope that my Z-pack kicks in soon because I have about 80 hours of cleaning, planning and cooking to get done by Friday.



Mim said...

I hope you feel better soon. Being sick bites the big one, especially when you have to go to work.

It sucks about Jessie Davis. In my post about her I refrained from mentioning my theories on what happened, afraid I would have to write some sort of retraction, but my theories were correct. Let's hope the stupid fucker goes down for double homicide and gets like 5 consecutive life sentences.

Again, feel better :)

Tug said...

Suck my moose knuckle... I'm sorry you're feeling like ass, but I've got to say you cracked MY ass up!!

feel better...

fatwonkkid said...

Did they teach you how to properly abuse drugs?

50-150 people? man you are nuts. I don't think I would ever want to invite 50 people to my house...unless there was a cover charge!

Anonymous said...

Suck my moose knuckle! I'm stealin' that shit!

And yeah, no worries on the baby daddy. He's a cop (strike 1), going to prison (strike 2), for killing a chick (strike 3), who happens to be his baby mama (strike...4), and who was pregnant (strike 5!), with his second child (strike 6! out!). Ass-rapins-aplenty!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

You're angry when you're beautiful. May I come over and examine your chest cavity??

ADW said...

Mim - Thanks for stopping by to see me. I feel the same way about that dumb sumbitch

Tug - I like to know that I still got it even when I am deathly ill. Sorry I missed your show with Fab - I was too busy trying to breathe.

Fat - I kept laughing because she was pointing out ways to pass a piss test without even knowing it. I call that information to store for later use.

Doll - Just put me in the bibliography if you steal my shit (=

Dyck - Why thank you. How about my poon cavity?

Legaleagle said...

Lots and lots of zinc and Vitamin B. When I had mono, it helped!

I hope you feel better soon.

El Guapo in DC said...

I know that you're sick. I really hope you feel better, BUT you are f-ing hilarious.

tfg said...

This is why I never go to meetings. Try it. After you skip a few, they'll just stop inviting you.

Amy said...

Holy cow - "Well suck my moose knuckle you dillhole." That is the BEST thing I have heard all day! TOOO damn funny!!!

And, I just want you to know that you gave me a royal panic attack when you said 4th of July party this WEEKEND... I could have sworn the 4th was on a Wednesday and had to double check my calendar because we've got people coming over too! Eeeeeek!!!

Hope you feel better soon!!!!





Kim Ayres said...

Just remember when slashing wrists it's better to go lengthways down the arm rather than across to stop clotting.

I'm talking about the guy who failed to turn up for the meeting, of course.

Glamourpuss said...

Prodigiously good swearing, my lady. I admire your skills.


ADW said...

Legal Eagle - Thanks so much

El G - You like me, you really like me. I am a huge fan of your blog. Just wanted to show you a little lurve.

TFG - Yeah, I'm just too new right now.

Amy - Sorry for the scare, but I refuse to have a party for close to 100 people in the middle of the week, so it's on the 30th but is being billed as a July 4th party.

Kim - you are always giving me such good avice. Thanks love.

Puss - see, see!!! This is why I love the Brits so much. You guys can use all them fancy words and instead of sounding snotty, you just soung effing high-larious. Lots of love to the folks across the pond....

Variant E said...

That was funny. Stay sick. No, don't do that. Just stay out of meetings, they make people sick.

mist1 said...

My bladder must be shy. It never comes out unless we're alone. Well, except for that once, but I still deny that.

Da Monkey Code said...

I have a horrbly shy bladder. It takes a least half a case of beer before it loosens up around people.

Plus I think I caught your bug when I read this yesterday. Now my nose won't stop running and I feel like I have puss all through my lungs. Thanks

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Do girls have moose knuckles? I thought that was a guy thing.

Love the bullets, btw. I think everyone should write in bullets.

ADW said...

E - I do my best to get out of the meetings...

Mist - No part of you seems shy to me *wink*

Monkey - It must be a Cleveland Bug, kinda like crytal meth burn marks

Cherry - I have decided that Moose Knuckle is unisexual. Like me.

themuttprincess said...

I hope you feel fucking better soon.

I hate people pretty much everyday.

I am still envisioning you stabbing someone with a pen and the blood pool....

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Nothing wrong with bullet marks. I use them almost every post.

Sorry you're so sick.

ADW said...

Mutt - It is a great picture and is usually one of the many that get me through my day

Bug - Thanx for stopping by and commenting. I am liking the bullet points...