Arghhhhh!!!
First of all, we would like to thank you for the lovely and hilarious comments about OUR turning 29 +1 in a few short weeks. WE have also decided that WE will be regal and royal with OUR advancing age and will, in turn, treat ourself as royalty demands. This means new shoes and referring to ourself in the third person. Don't worry too much, since WE should be taking English as a second language and WE will fuck up the references often enough to lose interest in this undertaking.
WE are very pissed off today. OUR Holiday plans are not going well and the blame lies solidly in the corner of the In-Law area of OUR life. WE are sick and tired of always being away from OUR family every ever-loving holiday and special event in OUR life. So WE have been planning an amazing Christmas celebration with OUR family flying in from down south to enjoy it with US. However, the in-laws are not cooperating. WE are certain that you know all about the Thanksgiving fiasco since you read US every day and you already know where WE are going with this.
To be short and precise about it, WE shall say that when things don't go OUR way, WE tend toward the desire to lop off someone's head. WE are sharpening OUR lopping knife this evening.
Sick and tired, tired and sick. Can WE have this one thing go right this time? Just this one?
WE called the rents last night to tell them of the horrid happenings that are occurring in OUR life, and the father person was bouncing off of the walls. The mother person should really stop giving him caffeine after 4:00 PM. He did give US some good advice to ignore the others and just enjoy OUR holiday time with OUR family. WE shall strive to fulfill that wish and if anyone else has a problem with that, then can go bugger themselves.
This week is going to be very, very hectic for US. WE have a bid response due on Thursday and just received the request this past Friday. Working weekends is so much fun. WE will attempt to keep up with OUR blog reading, but can make no promises about that. In addition there are two Christmas plays to attend, decorations to put up and a room to finish painting. If WE were really royalty, WE would have servants to take care of the more mundane tasks, but alas, WE are only royal in OUR own mind, so WE shall scrub floors in a tiara this week. WE have one in the basement. And a feather boa.
WE shall leave you with two of our father person's quotes:
"You deserve what you tolerate."
"Pain is vastly underestimated as a positive motivator."
Have a great week and please send Xanax!!!!
Love you,
Queen ADW
aka Empress of the Universe and Beyond
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33 comments:
"You deserve what you tolerate" is absolutely profound.
Oooh. I agree. I might steal that as my myspace headline quote. Well, I feel like rotten death shit, so I hear ya..No dirty in-laws to deal with however!JK JK. Hope your business leads to lots of moneyness.
:)
Call soon..I will be out of commission tommorrow.
xo
LIZ
"Pain is vastly underestimated as a positive motivator."
I've always believed this. And hey, I've left you some lovin' over at my blog.
Good luck.
WE (meaning I) do not care for this style of writing. WE (meaning I) hope it stops soon.
"This means new shoes and referring to ourself in the third person."
I love this. Can I do this even though it's not my birthday until April?
(I'm going to the doc this week to see if I can score something to "take the holiday edge off"--I will try to send you extras if I am successful);)
Where does one get a lopping knife?
WE can get you the pills or whatever you want baby. WE have access here in the land of plenty. WE who proudly hail from what most of the country calls the land of LIBERALS. "Why Don't You and I" and we will blame it on an excess of Christmas Spirit.
Your Highness-
In Laws suck and shouldn't do everything in their power to have all the power!
-Your lowly servant.
http://lspoon.wordpress.com
YRH ... with due respect to your royalty and highnessness ... I respectfully request an audience with her majesty in order to further discuss the out-law situation and what can be done to correct the situation. Several pieces of silver, a few cows or a roll in the hay is all that is required from YRH.
What a coincidence! I'm scrubbing floors in a tiara, too!
Franki - We try.
BBS - Roger four niner, will do.
CH - WE thank you for the love.
Dyck - WE accept your criticism and will be along shortly for some head lopping.
Wafelenbak - Are you turning thirty? If so, WE feel that you can do whatever you like.
Amanda - At the store "Off With Their Heads"
Marky - WE feel that this is an acceptable response.
Mim - WE agree with you wholeheartedly.
George - WE only roll in 800 thread count or above sheets now that WE are royalty.
Avi - WE know, WE stole he idea from you.
Those are some good quotes. I am going to remember those.
I like to speak in the third person, but my short attention span usually precludes me from doing it for very long.
I alternate holidays with my family and my wife's family. This year t-day was with the in-laws, christmas with my family. Next year we flip it.
If people don't like that, they can suck it, because I am not going to do both holidays with both families.
"You deserve what you tolerate," is a fascinating quote. LBB likes.
And don't worry. You hit your stride at 3o. I promise.
Put your foot down and stay home. If anyone wants to see you, they can come and see you. Enough is enough after you're married and have a couple of kids, you know?
And in the words of another blogger "Swink, lop" (that's the sound of someone'e head being lopped off by a sword.)
*GASP!*
Empress of the Universe and Beyond
YOU STOLE MY FUCKING TITLE, BITCH!!
OMG
(I was going to say something about how your in-laws (your being plural, of course) should spend their holidays with MY in-laws... so that they can leave ME (or is it us?) the fuck alone.)
In other words - I FEEL YA!
(or, I did, before you STOLE MY GODDAMMED TITLE!!!!)
Oh the lives of OUR and WE...
chica,
I got some stuff that makes Xanax look like candy. It was prescribed to me a couple years ago and I only have a few left. They are good if quatered and consumed with a glass of wine.
Great shit. For real.
*flowery music*
"Oh in-laws...we are intending to create new traditions for our children to enjoy. They include partying our asses off in our own home. If you would care to join us-show up. If not-Shut the fuck up."
*now evil Grinch laughter!*
"You deserve what you tolerate."
That is pretty deep.
Hope you get all of this straight before Christmas.
This post has me all confused, but good luck with everything.
Two words: Christmas Ale.
God bless Great Lakes Brewery.
Relatives. If you weren't related to them; would you know these people?
I feel you pain. Or at least I have felt your pain.
As you know, I'm 1 year into a 12 year break from the evil in-laws. You need to get that hubby on his family and step away. This is his problem, not yours.
You have some serious haters!
Can't you find the in-laws guilty of treason and send them to the Tower?
Puss
Fab - WE understand completely.
AND WE received OUR Christmas card from you.
Fat - Telling OUR in-laws to suck it would only make things worse. Interesting, but worse.
Bug - WE don't believe in hitting anything.
Bonnie - WE thank you for agreeing with US.
Britt - Says who?
5 of 9er - It is indeed.
Marianne - lovely
MetalMom - will you tell them for US?
RWA - probably not gonna happen
Cherry - it's OK honey. WE pay you to be cute, not smart.
Crunchy - Yes!!!
VE - no
Claudia - WE understand, but it'll never happen.
Janis - WE all do.
Puss - And then WE lop off their heads?
Happy Birthday.
Turning 30 beats the alternative...
Oh and new shoes always makes a girl feel better!!!
Why do inlaws always have to muck things up?
I hope YOU get to enjoy time with YOUR family, lol, and the others can just get over it!
We have missed you around the Nude Memphis Manor. Please come visit us again soon, as we always appreciate hot young women hanging about in their tiaras and feather boas whenever we can find them.
Sorry to hear that the in-laws are being royal pains in the royal ass. Hopefully things will improve soon. Otherwise, let the lopping commence!
Mutt - Yes they do
Samantha - That is exactly what I should tell them
Steve - and nothing else
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