Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A Bullet Post

I am off to Virginia Beach for a quick getaway. I have a brother-in-law who just made CHIEF in the Navy and his ceremony is coming up, so we are all getting together to celebrate. I come from a long line of military people and this is an important milestone in his life, so we all wanted to get together and toast him on his accomplishment. Over and over and over again. While I am gone, I will leave you with some thoughts, observations and occurrences:

  • It really sucks when you pee in the shower and realize that it isn't draining.

  • It sucks even harder when it is at a hotel.

  • I can not stand pretentious people. I am not one and it's a shade of ugly that doesn't look good on anybody.

  • I have a new favorite wine: Folie A Deux Menage A Trois. It's a Red Wine Meritage (I had to look it up, but it's a blend of Cab, Merlot and Red Zin). Yummy goodness. At $10.00 a bottle at Costco, how can you go wrong?

  • It may not be such a good idea to drink two bottles of your new favorite wine while playing poker with people from your office. At your office. Drinking. With your boss. Two days before your review. Just sayin'.

  • You can make a grown man spit out his drink when he is working the concession stand at a kid's soccer game and you go up to order a coffee. How? Well, he asks you if he can help you and you reply by saying: "only if you have a stomach pump and an IV bag."

  • I saw ManHo Cho when I went out to breakfast late Friday Night/Early Saturday morning. He introduced me to Red Lobster Boy of the huge cock and then proceeded to ask my opinion of his outfit. In front of the VERY crowded restaurant. He was wearing a wife beater and assless jeans. I can't make this shit up people. I thought the straightlaced folks I was with were going to start puking up their eggs and pancakes right then and there.

  • I thought it was hilarious and continued to egg him on. We fawned over each other and I kept making him pull up his shirt to show me the back of his pants. Well, it was really his ass crack. And most of his ass. He has a mighty fine ass.

  • I enjoy making other people slightly uncomfortable.

  • I took away Mr. ADW's mancard when he asked me what NT stood for during a football game. I snorted and rolled my eyes and said: "Nose Tackle." He felt like a dillhole. I felt good.

  • The Buckeyes won.

  • The evil, rabies infested mutts from one state over won too. Whatever. Their season was over before it ever started.

  • I love football.

  • I love hockey.

  • I love basketball and boxing and I even like Baseball.

  • I watch ESPN to catch the highlights and listen to SportsTalk Radio all day long

  • I have attended a Jim Rome tour stop.

  • Most people think that the previous 5 comments are weird when associated with me. I just like sports.

  • Ipod earbuds DO NOT fit in my ears. I have freakishly small ears. I guess that's good if I ever hook up with someone who has a Hobbit Dick.

  • My one dog is very overweight. I tried to take her running this weekend. We went about an eighth of a mile before she shit in someone else's yard. It was very hot and not completely solid. I contemplated leaving it there, but the good angel won out. I only let her give her opinions on Sundays.

That's all I've got!!! See you soon!


Avitable said...

I haven't seen my man card in so long I don't even know what it looks like.

And I still like you, even with all the sports shit.

ADW said...

Avi - Smoochie smoochie to you too.

All this blog lovin' is making me sick to my stomach. It could also be my morning coffee... not too sure.

Sven said...

I wouldn't be too quick to judge a Hobbit's dick. Have you seen the size of their feet?

fatwonkkid said...

NT = New know Windows New Technology...

One of the worst phenomena that results from this iPod craze is how widespread people listening to music with shitty and uncomfortable ear buds. If people were to just buy some decent ear phones/buds, they would realize how much more awesome their music was and probably enjoy it more.

Do yourself a favor and get yourself some decent earbuds that have different sized tips. Your ears will thank you and you will probably hear parts of the music that you never heard before.

ADW said...

SVEN - have you seen the size of the little turds who play the hobbits? Just sayin'

Fatwonkkid - It wasn't even my iPod, it's the hub's. I don't own an iPod. I'm too lazy to deal with all that work.

Miss Britt said...

Oh, Fuck you ADW. I get so tired of coming here and wanting nothing more than to comment "OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!!!!"

Seriously. You make me look bad.

ADW said...

Britt - My complete goal is life is to make you look bad. Now I have nothing else to do.

New goal - turn Avi into a manly man. Chance of success? Slim to none.

Hee hee.

heather said...

Did you watch the game? I'm going to the Northwestern game this weekend. I'm so excited.

ADW said...

Heather - Crap! I'm so jealous. Stupid asshat Time Warner Cable can suck it!

Oh yeah and since we'll be in Va Beach this weekend, I doubt we'll get to see the Northwestern game either.

Kim Ayres said...

Half the sentences in this post could be made into bumper stickers or t-shirt slogans. You should start up your own shop.

ADW said...

Kim - what's that? And thanks.

Tug said...

I love Menage A Trois!

the wine.


Open Grove Claudia said...

Have a great time! :) I love that wine but it's 7.99 here - maybe you should move to Denver?

Randy of the Redwoods said...

i thought NT stood for Nap Time in football cuz it's boring and Nimrod Turd in office talk and otherwise Nipples Taut(like in Hooters). Michigan sucks and you're a cute potty mouth!

metalmom said...

Stomach pump and IV bag-GOLD!!
Man HO-OMG! I lurve him!!
And Ipod buds don't fit me either-hate them!

But love you!

bbs said...

Fuck. You're leaving? I need to get wasted..Bad bad news..well long time coming I guess..Call me, I will fill you in..No it isn't Frank.

ADW said...

Tug - uh huh right.

Claudia - I will NEVER move anywhere else where it isn't warm.

Randy - I'm down with anyone who hates Michigan.

MetalMom - Same here.

BBS - I'll be on the road this evening and I'll call you.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I got lost with the Red Lobster ass guy. I must have missed a post.

Sorry about your small ears.

Beefcake Almighty said...

Go for a sangiovese wine.

Good times.

Tell your brother in law good luck with the initiation to the khaki.

I was in the navy myself. He'll know what that is.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

You're going to be in Vagina Beach??! That's only an hour from me! Swing by on your way and I'll show you my ass crack!

Legaleagle said...

"I love football. I love hockey.
I love basketball and boxing and I even like Baseball. I watch ESPN to catch the highlights and listen to SportsTalk Radio all day long."

This and your love of shoes makes me wonder if you are indeed my other personality.

George said...

Get rid of the earbuds ... they hurt my ears too and the sound ain't so great either ... any buy yourself a set of Shure Sound Isolating Earphones. The sound is awesome, they are so comfortable but ... you knew there was a but to all this ... they are hugely expensive ... I have a pair and they are worth the money ... bought them new on eBay

Not a Granny said...

I didn't make it past you BIL making Chief...How Fantastic! Celebrate...enjoy!

I will read the rest but as a the spouse of a retired military man, daughter, granddaughter, get my drift.

Woo Hoo!!!!

Chief Initiations are always really fun/scarey(well what they go through to get there) have to give us your BIL's dirt on his....

Not a Granny said...

Okay now I got as far as the of my is $10.99 at Target here! And yes, I always have a bottle or two on hand!

Grundir the Implacable said...

I have a hobbit dick. I keep it in a locket around my neck.

BottleBlonde said...

ManHo is so much sassier than my gay hairstylist.

Have a blast in VA Beach! I expect to read all about wild days and nights of debauchery.

themuttprincess said...

I would have been peeing on myself watching you and ManHo Cho!!! Where are the pictures?

Glamourpuss said...

What's a wife beater, other than a man who smacks his wife up?


VE said...

I'm prentendious. That's where you pretend your pretentious.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what Miss Britt's talkin about. Forget you! I want to be friends with ManHo Cho!

You live in my head said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Miss Kitty said...

Hope your mini-vacation's a nice one. And I, too, hate it when I pee in the shower and it doesn't drain.

But at least in a motel it's not MY shower. :-P

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I had to think for a moment what NT was too, so I guess my man card is in jeopardy.

Hold on though. You like Jime Rome? I'm taking your "good judge of character card."

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