Monday, September 3, 2007

Friday Night With BBS

So scattered throughout a lot of my posts are little blurbs and some stories about BBS. For those new to this blog (for shame), BBS stands for Built Like a Brick Shithouse. This girl is honestly one of my closest friends and there has never been a time that we have been together that I have not enjoyed myself immensely. So when she invited me out this past Friday, I figured "what the hell". I mean it was a three day weekend, so I would have extra recovery time and so forth.

Originally BBS was supposed to be working a promo that evening and we were going to hook up afterwards, but for various reasons, her part in the promotion was cancelled, so we were all set to go. We decided to meet close to her house and drive down to a little place called Shooters. By little, I mean an enormous bar with a huge outdoor patio. People dock anything from dinghies to yachts at this place and it is usually pretty packed when the weather is nice.

Now to those of you who have never been blessed with the chance to visit the fair Cleveland, Ohio, you may not be aware that our state flower is the Orange Barrel or that it is almost impossible to take a direct route anywhere in the summertime. The reason for this is that since it can snow nine months out of the year here, the freaks at the Ohio Department of Transportation deem it necessary to close every major highway down to one lane and reroute traffic to Erie, PA before you can actually enter the downtown area. So after turning around approximately 67 times due to closed roads, bridges being up for barges and what may have been a dead man in the road, we finally arrived at the joint just in time for the last half of the Miss Budweiser Cleveland contest.

I don't have any pics of the contest, but there were some hotties in it. I don't even know who won because BBS racked up about 120 asshole points before the contest was even over. Let's elaborate on this, shall we?

BBS Asshole Points Racked Up Before the End of the Contest:

60 points - she knocked over a beer into my purse after an attempt to mimic how one of our old bosses used to act when he was hammered. Job well done, BBS. At least she didn't try to unfasten my bra strap with her teeth for old times sake.

30 points - she bumped into me making me spill my drink on my arm.

30 points - yet again, are we seeing a pattern here folks - she spills even more alcohol on me.

At this point, I am sorely tempted to rescind her drinking privileges for the evening, since she is spilling all my booze, but she has a friend working the bar and we are getting a Level 7 hook up.

About an hour and a half into the night, one of BBS's friends shows up in a cab with her sister. They took a cab from their house which was close to 35 minutes away. Originally BBS asked me if I could give them a ride, but since I had never met these chicks and didn't know if they were completely insane I passed. That was the best decision I made all night. After two drinks, one of the girls tripped offline and stayed there for the rest of the night. She was an unholy mess and while fun for a while, I soon became bored with the antics, so we snuck over to the other side of the bar.

Oh! Oh! I almost forget where BBS got the last 279 of her asshole points of the night. Her BROTHER met us out that evening. Her completely adorable, 20 years old, getting ready to leave for THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY brother who is a wee bit shy. He was standing off to the side while the four of us were out dancing to the greatest hits of the hair bands when I got the bright idea to drag his cute little ass out on the dance floor. After getting our boogie on for a few minutes, BBS leans over and says to me "Gosh, I hope my brother doesn't get a boner while he's dancing with you!" EEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!! Vomit erupts from my stomach at the thought while my knees start pointing in different directions. I am sure I looked like Don Knotts in any Scooby Doo cartoon he was ever featured in - face scrunched up, hunched over and eyes bugging out of my head. That was a low blow. I am now devising various ways to get back at her which is difficult because she DOES NOT embarrass easily.

Most annoying question of the night?

Any guy in the place to BBS: "How Tall?"

BBS: "6'1" in my bare feet" By the way, she was wearing 3" heels that night. And a really short dress. So the verbiage in this post stinks because I am a little foggy on some of the details of the evening, so I will let the documented proof speak for itself. M'kay?

The Night Began

OK, so we look fairly normal here, no?

Muthafukin' Rock Stars

BBS and her Hottie Little Bro'

Sexy? Not so much... Trying for pouty, but it ain't working.

Maybe if we tried to POSE, some sexy will come through...

OOPS!!! I guess not. Who in the hell is that dork?

OOOHHH.... I know you.

The look above just makes you want to make out. Doesn't it??
Maybe one little kiss. Just to kick off the evening
Forty Three Drinks Later: A Montage
Wooo Hoooo! This bitch now belongs to me. I have ruined her for all others. BBS gives props to herself for making me her Ho.
Apparently our lady lovin' brought out the crazies and this guy:
Who was so overcome by emotion that he needed to be escorted out by not one:
But ALL of the bouncers on staff. Or so it seemed at the time.
Thanks for saving our virtue fellas. Hee hee. What's a virtue? And why is that guy holding his junk?
End of the Night and a little worse for wear.

Later fuckers, Peace.

Just for Jenny! - The SHOCKER!!!!

I guaranfuckingtee that this post has a cuntful of spelling and grammatical errors, but I'm too tired to worry about them. I know I don't often post pictures and I have finally broken down and given into the demands. It makes me really nervous though, because I hate seeing myself in pictures. I don't mind so much taking them, but seeing my face plastered all over my blog is something else entirely. Oh well, whatevah.


Mim said...

Wait until you see the pics of my bachelorette party. I cannot believe the difference between the first pictures and the last. Of course I did pass out by the end of the night...right about the time we were supposed to meet the guys at Hooters. :)

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Hot diggity damn! Lookin' good, ladies! How 'bout giving me BBS' phone number??

Mr. Fabulous said...

Great pictures! I'm glad you posted them LOL

ADW said...

Mim - I can't wait to see those pictures

Dyck - I'll ask. Hold your breath while you're waiting.

Fab - Thanks. Sunday night was hysterical.

Avitable said...

I'm disappointed. I was only able to ejaculate four times while looking at your photos. I was hoping for six or eight, at least!

Paulette Foley said...

Thanks for the pics...looks like a good time was had by all!

Miss Britt said...

Um, I now hate you.

And also wished you lived closer.

Not a Granny said...

Looks like a great time! Love the security guys, why do I always end up with the fat, ugly bouncers?

fatwonkkid said...!

BottleBlonde said...

1. You and BBS are fucking HOT.

2. Your dresses are fucking HOT.

3. BBS's brother is fucking HOT.

4. Those bouncers are fucking HOT.

5. How do you deal with all that HOT? I blew a gasket just reading this.

Glamourpuss said...

Wow, you look so pretty and blonde and sweet and yet you have the foulest mouth your side of the Atlantic. I do love a paradox.



Slick said...

I'm with Fab...thanks :)

How many baths did you have to take to keep you from smellin' like a alkie?

ADW said...

Avi - Practice makes perfect

Paulette - I'm pretty sure...

Britt - But I love you... and me too on the closer thing.

Not a Granny - Go to Shooters!!

Fatwonkkid - I told you so..

BottleBlonde - Isn't he a cutie? I have known him since he was 13, so the hard on comment totally grossed me out.

Puss - Paradox? Remember I am blonde

Slick - My husband told me he almost kicked me out of bed because I smelle like I bathed in rum.

Open Grove Claudia said...

I love the red eyes - sorry that's my favorite part. :)

I don't think that BBS is hotter than you but what the hell do I know?

metalmom said...

Such an innocent looking young thing and yet- WHAT A MOUTH! Looks like you guys had a blast!Your pictures are great!

BBS. said...

Oh Miss thing.
I love you and our pictures. You're the best lesbo friend ever. Thanks for the great shoutouts! Let's do it again, ASAP?
love you lots and lots.
And to anyone reading this post, yes we both have children!

Variant E said...

Well I would have gotten a boner for sure! ;)

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

The one with you flashing gang signs is my favorite. In fact, that's my new computer desktop pic.

PeaceOut to all my niggaz.

abstractjenn said...

You fuckin rock

Anonymous said...

You're pretty. She's pretty.

Can y'all please move by me so that we can go out and some of your pretty will, uh, rub off on me?

ADW said...

Claudia - apparently the evil inside shows up in the pictures

MetalMom - Innocent Young Thing. I love it!!

BBS - girl - you crazy

Variant E - Would have or Did?

Bug's Butt - Silly Insect - I am flashing the SHOCKER - you know -

Two in the Pink, One in the Stink

Abstractjenn - thanks so much. I try.

Doll - I'd love to, but something is telling me that you don't need any extra hotness.

Anonymous said...

you go from not posting pics, to posting twenty with you making out with chicks. Fabulous.

How is it that you look so innocent? It is Irony at its fucking best!

Kim Ayres said...

Hope hubby wasn't too jealous.

In fact that reminds me of a cartoon I once saw with a drunk propping up the bar saying, "I've had a terrible day - first of all my wife tells me she's a lesbian - then she tells me I can't watch them at it!"

Da Monkey Code said...

Now you've gone and done it. Mrs. MonkeyCode will vouch for the fact that when I'm lit up, now that I know what you look like, that I will make a loud point of knowing who you are. Ever go to any of the Lizards much?

ADW said...

Kelly - Irony is my favorite!!

Kim - That made me chuckle.

DaMonkeyCode - you get nothing outta me until you tell me where the hell you've been.

Miss Kitty said...

You're killing me, ADW! Hahahahaaaaa!

Randy of the Redwoods said...

I scrolled down and saw your photo. Now I want to be your friend. Let's get together and talk.

Anonymous said...

Holy crap, I can't imagine my mother EVER doing anything like that!

Thank you for proving that times like this don't end after you turn 22, now I'm not so worried about graduation ; )

Anonymous said...

you have such a sweet face! i want to kiss you all over

Tyler Durden said...

DUDE! YOURE HOT! I had no idea...

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