Saturday, July 14, 2007

BBS MEME

Mailing it in..... BBS posted this MEME a while ago and I am finally responding:

1. What's the last mistake you made? I shot a man in Reno. Just. To. Watch. Him. Die.

2. Is the sun shining? Inside my ass? Always.

3. Can you successfully blow up and tie a balloon? Only out of necessity and then only if it is filled with a white powdery substance. I then insert it into the sunshine. See Question #2.

4. Do you like text messaging? What, who came up with these stupid ass questions?

5. Are you having a good/bad hair day? I just shaved my head, so they're all good hair days from now on out.

6. What was your last purchase? Earplugs. It helps me hear the voices inside of my head much better than before.

7. Are you wearing any make-up right now? Only to cover the bruises.

8. What are your plans for later? Well, it's 1:00 in the morning and my sleep schedule is all fucked up, so at some point in time, I am planning to crash. We'll see how soon I wind down. If only those voices would quit screaming.

9. What is your favorite DDR song? Never heard of 'em, but personally I like "Raisins in my Toast". It is only found on jukeboxes at the Waffle/Huddle House(s).

10. Is there any drama within your life? Only the drama I create. Right now I have my brother convinced he is pregnant.

11. What is a song they need to stop playing on the radio? All of them. I almost only listen to Sports Talk Radio, so I could give a shit.

12. Are you content with life right now? Uh, haven't you been reading me? I mean everyone reads me, right? Right? Stupid ass question.

13. Does anyone like you? The homeless man on West 6th street. I just bought him a new pack of plastic barrettes for his hair.

14. What is your current obsession? Figuring out how to take over the world. With the incompetent leaders in power right now, my estimated time table for complete world-domination is counting down at 2 years, 4 months, 1 day and 2 seconds.

15. Do you have your license? Yeah, my license to ill.

16. Ever been kissed under mistletoe? You're supposed to kiss under it? That explains the rash I get every holiday season. My OB/GYN was stumped.

17. Would you ever smile at a stranger? Boring...

18. Ever done a random act of kindness? Well, I didn't murder anyone today. That seems both random and kind to me.

19. Do your toenails have nail polish on them? I lost my toenails in that horrific accident three years ago. Why the fuck would you bring that up?

20. When is the last time you wore eyeliner? Still bored...

21. Last curse word you said was? I believe the last one I SAID was cumguzzling twatmonger

22. Are your lips chapped? No but my ass is from all of these stupid questions.

23. Are you currently jealous? Of????

24. Do you own an ipod? No, but I am about to get out my cattle prod and use it on the person who came up with this MEME.

25. Did you have a dream last night? Not one I remember, but last weekend I dreamt that I was being attacked by baby mosquitoes and proceeded to beat my husband about the face until he woke me up.

26. Are you mad at anyone? The guy at the Japanese place who managed to mix shellfish in with my food after I told three different people I was allergic to it. I should hunt his dipshit pigfucking ass down and shit in HIS toilet. Fucking dillhole.

27. Who is the most random person you know? Are you going to die tomorrow? What cow produces the best whey? Is there going to be an olive oil Olympics in Rome this year? Fuck off with these questions.

28. What's going on this weekend? For you, I would imagine copious amount of jacking off to Episode VI of Star Wars. For me? Naked Water Slides. Guess who gets carpal tunnel and guess who gets laid this weekend? Much better question.

29. Done any spring cleaning lately? Why is it called Spring Cleaning? I. Do. Not. Clean. That is what illegal immigrants are for.

30. Anything bothering you? The thought of going to prison and becoming Big Bertha's fun bag after I take a soldering gun to your eye sockets.

32. Did you wish for anything last night on 11:11? You are a loser.

33. Do you drink coffee on a regular basis? It keeps me from smoking crack.

34. Do you wish you were someone else? I wish you were someone else.

35. What jewelry are you wearing? My Ruby and Platinum strap-on. Guess who gets the first go round?

36. Ate any exotic food lately? Toxic, not exotic.

37. I deleted this question due to its sheer level of stupidity. Instead, I would like to note that it is highly unlikely that I will ever reply to another one of these piece of shit MEMEs again unless someone has a damn good one.

38. Are you easily amused? Sorry, what was the question. I was thinking about the last time I bathed in Pistachio pudding.

39. Can you lick your elbow? There are way better places to be able to lick than my elbow.

40. Do you know this song, "we stay fly no lie you know this"? Is that Hilary Clinton's new campaign song?

41. What piercings do you have? I have/had a total of 11 piercings once upon a time. Use your imagination.

42. Do you have a crush right now? Can I beat your brains in with a pogo stick right now?

43. What are your plans over the summer? To blow the entire Cleveland Indians starting rotation.

44. How's life going for you? By the looks of this, way better than yours is.

45. What is on your mind just this second? I am so glad this is over and I am oddly aroused by the thought of bathing in pudding again.

Sorry I had to subject you all to this. I suck.

ADW

18 comments:

DangerDoll said...

What a coincidence! The sun shines right in my ass, too!

OMG girl this was the funniest thing I've read in days...

Avitable said...

I think I'm going to steal this for my Sunday post. Sunday's okay for memes.

ADW said...

Doll - Thanks, craziness makes for a more artistic approach - hee hee

Avi - Steal away, I'd be honored.

Mim said...

I guess to be technical my Friday the 13th wasn't bad. It was Thursday the 12th that sucked. To bad Thursday the 12th doesn't have the same ring to it as Friday the 13th.
Actually Friday the 13th turned out pretty good. I got the news that I got a new job that requires me to go to NYC twice a year. So...I rock!
PS I love it when you do posts like these. They always make me happy and a little bit jealous that I don't possess the wit that you do :)

Mim said...

Damn it, I hate it when my fingers type 'to' instead of 'too'

ADW said...

MIM - NYC - faboo!!!!

Great, now I am thinking about shoes.

Also, what is a wit? To my knowledge I have never possessed one, but I am not certain... (=

Kim Ayres said...

Superb!

Just don't tell me these questions were given to you by a psychothereapist...

Glamourpuss said...

My God, that was long. Who comes up with this stuff? Sigh. And what is it with the word 'random' these days? I'm getting really sick of it. Well done for giving it the contempt it deserves.

Puss

5 of 9er said...

Are there really people who can lick their elbows? Really?

ADW said...

Kim - just remember the udders and I think this question answer itself

Puss - I had to be talked down from a ledge halfway trough this... it was the most annoying thing I dealt with all weekend

5 of 9 - Um, yeah. Like I said, not something to brag about. But being able to lick you own ass, YouTube award winning material.

themuttprincess said...

I like to aim low.

My plans this summer include giving happy endings to all the truck drivers I meet.

Open Grove Claudia said...

Very, very funny. I hate that 11:11 crap myself. The next person who says, "do you know about 11:11? It's around more and more these days." (Yeah, twice a day.) I am going to shoot. And. Watch. Them. Die.

You inspire.

ADW said...

Mutt - one day you can work your way up to Level 1 slut status and do a gang line with any starting rotation.

Claudia - thatnk for stopping by. I tried to look at your blog, ut just found your profile with no blog link????

-Papa said...

21. Last curse word you said was? I believe the last one I SAID was cumguzzling twatmonger

I'm adding those to my lexicon. :)

Open Grove Claudia said...

sorry - blogger retardation - I'm at: www.on-a-limb.com

Tug said...

Thanks for the much needed laugh! My daughter told me she washed her windows Sunday - I didn't know they're washable.

Mine must be dry clean only. (It's all I've got)

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