Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Thank you, thank you, thank you...

It's nice to know that there are others out there who feel the same way that I do....

That being said, I think that it helped to get a lot of that crap off of my chest. I did speak with someone yesterday who went through a lot of the same issues that I did - my sister. We had a fairly similar childhood, although she got out at sixteen and got to spend some "kid time" with our father and mother (I call my stepmom my mom - she rocks). I talked over some of the issues with her and she went through a lot of what I am going through now, but she got help. She told me that it was amazing what talking to someone about her problems did for her. We talked at length about the five W's - who, what, when, where, why and now the How - as in how to get better - is up to me.

I know that I now have to do something that I have put off for a very long time - a lot of the ways I tried to "put it off" are listed in the previous post - I have to get help. My family has a history of mental illnesses and I DO NOT want to end up like the egg donor - she is completely batshit crazy and while I do not think that I am that bad, if I don't take those steps now, I will end up just like her which is my biggest fear in life.

And to address what Dr. Kenneth Noisewater commented on - I have verbally expressed these feelings to my husband - MANY times and it has gotten me nowhere. He is a wonderful man and has put up with a lot of crap from me, but he shies away from any discussions on this subject. I told him in no uncertain terms that if we do not address this problem, it will destroy our marriage and our life together and while I believe that he wants me to be happy, I honestly am not sure if he will be able to cope with what needs to be put into resolving the mess that is his wife.

So we shall see what comes to pass in this particular phase in my life.....

As for now, I feel so much better (today at least) and the pressure has eased. I am not all sunshine and kitten farts and way far from a perfect person. Hell, I don't know anyone who qualifies for sainthood. What I do know is that I can get through the dark periods. And I will talk to a qualified person and see how I feel about the options that are out there for me. While we all know I like a good buzz, I am not sure if medication is right for me, but I am not the expert.

But thank you for your very honest opinions and the great offers to talk it out. You may just get an e-mail from me the next time I get like this. I really appreciate the similar stories that were related and it made me feel better to know that others do go through this. I hesitated on writing that post, but only good things have come out of it for me, so that rocked!!!

Not to keep being a downer, but three people were killed here in the Cleveland Area by a firefighter who shot them when the party they were having next door became too rowdy for his taste. You can read about it here. One of the guys that was murdered worked at the same place I worked at for three years. While I was not acquainted with him (he started after I left), I still have friends at the establishment. Please keep the three victims in your thoughts and/or prayers.

I sincerely appreciate every single one of you - even the ones who just read and never comment.

ADW

14 comments:

tfg said...

I hope that assclown gets life in Poundmeintheass Penitentiary, firefighter or not.

DangerDoll said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DangerDoll said...

I barely know ya but peeps love ya, and I see why...

I only know that when I initially recognized that I needed help, that I needed to address head on the problems brought on by my shit childhood-in-name-only, my husband (now ex) who is a really wonderful person also hesitated. It came out later that it was difficult for him to hear some of the things that came out in therapy. Hard to hear the person you love express so much anger and pain, and talk details about the horrific things that had happened to her. He'd had a Clever childhood; mine was the Munsters. He didn't know how to relate, or deal.

On the meds, I've tried 'em all. The only thing that worked was talking. Getting pissed. Throwing things. Allowing myself to feel all those things I had pushed down for so long because I was busy living through it.

Me, me, me! I know, right!?!? I'll shut up now. It's awesome that you could talk to your sister. There's your start. (Oh, and I love that you refer to the egg donor. I call my biological father, who I met once and is a worthless waste of DNA, the sperm donor. I joke that I'm just living to overcome my white trash background...but sadly it's true!)

Peace out, and sending good thoughts your way...

DangerDoll said...

Cleaver, not Clever. I'm retarded.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I think a trip to the Dr. Phil show is in order. If he can't fix your head, nobody can.

Glamourpuss said...

I think I'd ratyher be fucked up than 'sunshine and kitten farts'. Feline flatulence is an abomination. And I should know.

Puss

Scary Monster said...

Iffin ya still got the presence of mind to consider someone elses sorrow than you just might not be in such bad shape. Ya need a sit down a talk and a god fearing soul crunching cathartic cry. Me reckons that doing it with yer man instead of Mr. Morgan and the Gallio Bros. will probably do you a world of good.

Besides, who the fuck wants to be happy alla time? Thunderstorms give me a great big hard-on.

STOMP!

ADW said...

TFG - I do too

Doll - I love you too... I know about the whole white trash childhood - I had it as well

Dyck - the thought of having to go to Dr. Phil for help should be enough to straighten anyone's ass out

Puss - hee hee

Monster - It's nice to know I can count on you guys to make me augh and cheer me up - it really is the breast.. oops I mean best medicine.

themuttprincess said...

They say admitting you have a problem is the first step. And whether it is just dealing with the past or something else, it is not a bad place to start...

Kim Ayres said...

You are worth getting the help. Don't let the nagging voice in the back of your head tell you otherwise.

Legaleagle said...

I'm glad things are looking up. Always remember, you are worth being loved.

The Legal Eagle

Da Monkey Code said...

Hang in there, Mrs. DMC has similar issues however it tend to relate to the close proximity of her parents. talking to someone outside helps because you get an unbiased opinion. Then occasionally I get to go in and confirm that I'm not actually angry at her or wanting her to change the person she is.

Just lay off the Capatain and have a Great Lakes every once and awhile, it may not be the taste you like but at least it will still make you fart.

Open Grove Claudia said...

You know, I don't know you at all. But after fifteen years sitting in a chair listening to people talk, I'll tell you this:

There's not really anything wrong with you.

You had a shitty time of it. Yep. You're drinking a lot. All right.
You have a husband who loves you but can't communicate. Okay.

What you don't say is what you want (outside of moving to Georgia) and what you are willing to do to get it. Until you can answer those two questions? You'll keep dancing, drinking, not communicating, and struggling with your past.

Miss Kitty said...

"Sunshine and kitten farts"--OK, I just snorted Coca-Cola on that one.

I'm dealing with similar issues, ADW, and have finally resolved to get some counseling. Rest assured that someone out here's in sort of the same boat, family history and all.