Monday, August 20, 2007

A Tribute to Assholes

I am not actually giving a tribute to literal assholes as they are quite ugly, often hairy and give me no thrills whatsoever. Instead, today's tribute is for the figurative asshole. We all fit that role at some point in our lives, some more than others (myself included). Maybe I will make this a monthly thing with different ass-holey subjects, but today's post is limited to one type of asshole in particular:

The Ass Jack, Couldn't Give a Shit Parent

Grrrrrrrr...... I was so pissed at the mall the other day, I literally saw spots in front of my eyes.

I am sooooo fucking fed up with these parents who think that it is perfectly acceptable to let their children run around like a bunch of monkeys high on banana crack. And while it may seem bigoted of me, THERE ARE certain groups of people who have this tendency. I won't name them, but I don't give a good damn what your religious beliefs, color of skin, lack of money or societal mores are, that is no excuse to let your children run around like little heathens tearing shit up and wreaking utter fucking havoc with no concern for those around them or the items that they are destroying. And God forbid someone says something to the little pigs, then you get all pissed off and act like a victim.

Well fuck you and the horse, trailer, burned-out shell of a building or camel you rode in on. You should be ashamed of yourself. And while I do see plenty of people out there with well-behaved children, the increasing lack of respect for both people and things that kids have these days is overwhelming. And where are these parents, I ask? While your 14 children are climbing all over the merry-go-round and coin operated mall rides, you ladies and gentleman are shopping in a store over 300 feet away. I am not kidding you, I saw this with my own eyes. And you think nothing of walking away when your 2, 3 and 4 year old children are left in the care of girl who could be no older than 8. Fuck me. Then when some pedophile pervert steals your kid away or one of them falls off of the giant Teletubby race car, your incessant caterwauling can be heard for miles around. Then you try and figure out who you can sue.

So here's to you and your lackadaisical parenting skills. You should have to go to jail when your kids destroy the entire Mikassa section of Dillards because you REFUSE to keep an eye on them. I hope that one of these days, someone comes right up to you and sucker punches you in the back of the head for being the ultimate dick-headed asshole, you useless void.

AND lastly, the next time you give me a dirty look for reprimanding YOUR fucking spawn children when they come up to my child's stroller and start poking him in the face and laughing, I swear to the Great Almighty that I will do more than glare back at you before turning away. I am sick and tired of these people who feel like they are entitled and who teach their children the same poor lack of manners. I hate you, all of you and I hope that you all move into the same trailer park or urban ghetto and figure out how to kill each other off leaving my area a better place. Teach these little shitheads some manners so they don't grow up to be a drain on MY fucking checkbook. Boo fucking hoo to you and your welfare ass, food stamp collecting, lack of desire to better yourself choices. I WAS in the same position as a lot of people who have it rough now and drug myself out of that hole one stiletto at a time, so I feel no sympathy for you at all. Get off of your lazy assess. If you have two good hands and a strong back, you should be working, not driving around some $60,000 vehicle because you figured out how to cheat the system. You are the ultimate asshole and karma is a bitch. I can't wait to see what she has in store for you and your future felons.

So here's a great big FUCK YOU to the "I could care less what my kids do, as long as it doesn't interfere with my life and when it does, I will then blame everyone but myself for creating a sociopath hell child who burns down buildings and murders animals" parent. It is YOUR fault that there is an ever-increasing population of children and young adults who are so fucked up they pop whatever drug is available into their mouths, spread their legs with no panties on and then when the very people that created them turns their backs on them, they either end up in prison or kill themselves. I am sick, sick, sick of you. Take these kids in hand and TEACH them about life and all of the obstacles out there NOW before it is too late.

Sorry for the rant but I have had just about enough. Now go beat your kids just in case they did something wrong while you were not watching and if you don't have any, beat the neighbor's kid, he probably deserves it.

Loves Ya,


Anonymous said...

Hear, hear! As an Englishman in Eastern Europe I can tell you it's the same everywhere. And what's with taking three-day-old babies into shopping malls in the middle of a flu epidemic in winter to buy crap jewellery for the mother (paid for with overly generous Czech government benefits)? We've seen this about ten times (really) in Prague, and I have to physically restrain my wife from going up to them EVERY TIME.

Glamourpuss said...

Funny, I was thinking the same thing this weekend when I was out shopping - the number of brats who bump into you or expect you to get out of their way, with no apology, under the indulgent gaze of their parents truly sickens me. We are raising a generation of egoists.


ADW said...

Anonymous - thank you for taking the time to comment. If you can buy jewels with Czech benefits then what am I doing wasting my time here is the USA? If you tell me that Jimmy Choos and Blahniks and Louboutins come to every Czech citizen as well, then I am on the first flight over.

Puss - Don't even get me started on the please and thank you and your welcome shit. How simple is it to teach your children a few basic manners?

Avitable said...

That's what you get for going to the mall.

Jeannie said...

The saddest thing is - they don't teach their kids because they were never taught and never thought it was important to learn. And you know they'll be the last ones to watch those Nanny shows too.

In fact, I think they are amused and think it's great that the kids have their freedom.

ADW said...

Avi - Sigh, right you are. It's the shoes, they send out a beacon to me calling ever so softly....

Jeannie - You are so right, but at some point in time, as an adult and a parent, these people need to get their heads out of their asses and do the right thing.

Mim said...


I freaking hate those people. The same people who just walk right into traffic b/c as long as they're within the crosswalk, the driver is at fault. I'm tired of people milking the system.

Also if it's 1am and your child is crying uncontrollably and won't means they're tired and need to be put to bed.

Freaking idiots.

Miss Britt said...

I thought I was going to get into a fight with a 7 foot tall black man at Universal Studios this weekend. His kid started telling him that "that lady yelled at me" or some shit like that.

ACTUALLY... when the little brat kept throwing balls at my daughter's face and saying "get out of here stupid girl" my SON said "hey, don't you talk to my sister that way". And when he finally whacked her in the face and she started CRYING... I yelled "hey!" and rushed over there.

Seriously. Control your fucking kids. At LEAST when they are around mine!

fatwonkkid said...

"drug myself out of that hole one stiletto at a time"...I am assuming you meant dragged. At first I thought you got all drugged up and that somehow got you out...

I think American culture is a bit out of whack. You have Hollywood folks running people over with their car and getting away with it. You have idiots suing people for pouring hot coffee on themselves. People don't take responsibility for their actions and the courts let them do that.

Parents have to make their kids feel like they can do anything and not be able to reprimand them. Political correctness has gone awry. The work ethic is out the window, people would rather live on the government (aka our tax dollars). Welfare is now called "entitlement", because we don't want welfare folks feeling bad about being on welfare.

Gone are the days when somebody would rather stay in jail rather than face their parents...

mojotek said...

"Now go beat your kids just in case they did something wrong while you were not watching and if you don't have any, beat the neighbor's kid, he probably deserves it."

Damn right that little shit deserves it!

And on another note, this entire rant of yours is reason numero uno that I do not set foot into malls unless someone has a chainsaw to my balls.

ADW said...

Mim - who has their kids up at 1 AM?

Britt - I agree with every word. Little turd fuckers.

1. Yes I meant dragged, but I was drugged at times.
2. If I EVER got rrested, I would have chosen a long stint in the penitentiary rather than face Master Chief Dad's ass whooping for getting arrested in the first place.

Mojotek - Like I said before, it is the siren's song of shoe sales that gets me every time. I have no self-control.

Not a Granny said...

Yeah, I was at Chuck E Cheese Thursday...(need I say more?)

Mim said...


Variant E said...

What a crack up! I know. I go into Chucky Cheese with my date for a nice romantic dinner and there are kids screaming everywhere. WTF?

Kim Ayres said...

What more is there to say?

Paulette Foley said...

I'm still laughing at the link Kim Ayres sent.

I could talk about this subject for HOURS...but I will just say one name..."Dr. Spock" (not the one from Star Trek)...I don't condone beating, but I do condone teaching our children to behave in public and at home...have some control people.

MIM...I used to go to 24 hour Walmart to shop just so I could stay away from the it is full of screaming, crying children who should BE IN BED DAMMIT!

ADW: You really make me laugh every morning!

Open Grove Claudia said...

Don't hold back, hon. Let it all out. :)

Yeah. It reminds me of the line from some random song: "I traveled the world and see that only stupid people are breeding." Present company excluded of course.

Hell, my mother was off pursuing her "career" and left us to 1950s sitcoms. She wonders now why we want to be housewives - the role that "imprisoned" her "soul". Go figure.

ADW said...

Not a Granny - no, I shake at the thought of EVER going to that hellhole again.

Mim - Those people who keep their kids up that late are probably doing it so they can sleep in the next morning. Pudwhackers.

Vehow - Romantic date at the Mouse Hole. Yuck!

Kim - Ha, ha. That commercial is hilarious. Seriously. That kid needs a good tanning.

Paulette - There is something to be said for the way things were done in the old days.... People were a lot more respectful back then.

Claudia - the gene pool is a lot shallower these days, that's for certain.

Yoda said...

That's quite a rant! LOL!

I don't have kids and haven't been around many kids lately to fully appreciate the gravity of the situation ... but I do remember shit like this when I was growing up!

Some people should not be allowed to reproduce. It only increases the number of stupid people in the world!

metalmom said...

Not only did I teach my kids but now I teach other's kids. They can go to movies, theater, restaurants, shopping, etc. and be well behaved. When I'm paying at the cashier, they are sitting on the floor at my feet waiting to leave. Do they get treats? yes, FOR BEHAVING!! If they don't, they can watch the others have their treats!

My mom smacked us for mouthing off, we were grounded for breaking curfew and if we skipped school our asses got beat. I know many don't believe in this but there IS a line between discipline and abuse!

BottleBlonde said...

It really boggles my mind how the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office denied my application to patent 'The Kid Muzzle'.

Jenny! said...

I totally fucking feel ya sista!

I hate going to the park because people use it as a dumping ground for their fucktard children! They don't stay or they don't watch their kids...its bull shit...I have on more than one occasion gone up to the parent and asked them to watch their children b/c I ain't their fucking mother, and if I was..I would slap the shit of that litte bastard so fast...the parents too!


Your tribute is EXACTLY why I do my best to be an ACTIVE parent. Oh, and buy EVERYTHING but the kitchen sink online.

Anonymous said...


People have called my sister's kids 'little soldiers' like it was a BAD thing! She has kids that listen to her, because she knows how discipline them. They respect her, and when she says to do something, they fucking do it. She will never have little bastard kids running everywhere in public, because they KNOW BETTER!

I want to beat the kids for those moms. I would get sent to jail though. They should be the ones sent to jail for raising leach bastards!

ADW said...

Yoda - forced sterilization

MetalMom - I agree with you 100% - there is difference between discipline and abuse and if these parents weren't so worried about being their kids' friends we wouldn't see half the bullshit we do now.

BottleBlonde - Rename it as some type of child learning tool (teaching the fuckers how to behave) and I bet it gets approved

Jenny! - I mostly hate other people's children and I can't stand parents who don't watch their products of a bottle of Cuervo and no condom.

Mutt - Being an active parent is the best gift you can give your children

Kelly - There is nothing wrong with your sister's kids, they are well-mannered and well-behaved at all times I would guess. And it's the parents that need the worst of the beatings. Stupid assholes.

Dyck!! said...

I would like to say that I'm really turned on by this post. ADW, let's make a few babies of our own and dump them at the mall!

The [Cherry] Ride said...


Please tell me this is going to be a weekly feature on your blog!

It's Me... Maven said...


I am immediately going to bookmark your blog and hope you keep up with this asshole motif!

George said...

Standing up clapping and whistling. I have read more than a few posts in blogland that say exactly the same you say. The big problem with having a great rant in blogland it that the fuckers who shoul dbe reading it probably don't know how to read English

ADW said...

Dyck! - SO done with the baby making.

Cherry - you cannot ask me to do a weekly post until you catch up with yours (=

Maven - thanks. Glad we found each other.

George - ha ha. You're right, they probably can't read English and we're lucky if they can een speak it coherently.

Tug said...

OH.MY.HOLY.HELL. I could NOT have said it better. And if I wouldn't look & feel like a total loser-from-hell, I'd probably stand & cheer right home...alone. ;-)

Seriously, AWESOME.

Legaleagle said...

In your words, I heart this post!

Tony said...

I couldn't agree more! I actually had some ghetto piece of shit tell me onetime, years ago, when her kids were coming in and messing up a display in my store and as she sat outside and watched them - she said, "That's right - you clean it up and dontcha go gettin' mad now - it's yo (and no - that's not a typo - she said 'yo') job and her kids can do what the want. So I called security and had her removed from the mall! Stupid ass bitch - let your damn little shitheads do that - I don't think so.

Oh, jeez - sorry - your post just brought back some bad memories of an awful job in college!

Jessica said...

Rich kids can act exactly the same way - but they are taught that they are entitled to do so.

ADW said...

Tug - you would never look like a loser

LegalEage - I heart you!!

Tony - I feel that pain, thanks for stopping by.

Jessica -I count little twathole rich kids who act like they are entitled in with the rest of 'em. Not the nice rich kids though. I want them to be my friends (=

Slick said...

lol...damn, couldn't help but laugh. Great post!

Not a Granny said...

OMG I just watched the video link Kim posted....I think it needs to be on the tvs in all middle and high schools! I am still laughing!!!

Diesel said...

You know, people are always bitching about deporting illegal immigrants, but wouldn't it be great if we could keep the nice, friendly, hard-working immigrants and kick out these shitheads instead?

Anonymous said...

Lookit, over here! It's me, standing on my chair and applauding! PREACH IT, SISTA!

I'm the bitch that doesn't hesitate to discipline other people's brats. I've heard it all from "thank you" to "who the hell do you think you are", and I don't give two shits. I've told 'em to their faces, "It's a little thing I like to call PARENTING. Give it a try." My kid behaves better than most adults I know, and constantly suffers at the hands of the brats because it's just out of her realm of understanding that anyone could purposely be rude, mean, or unfair. What's sad is that we're having to do a little make her understand that most kids (and adults) are just shits, and how to deal with that without getting shat on herself.

Many parents spend so little time with their kids that when they DO, they feel like it's gotta be fucking Disneyland every minute. And then there are the ones who are just too concerned about being liked. Hello? They need parents, not friends. Making yourself their buddy will not make them respect you. The remainder are just damn selfish assholes, as you've so perfectly stated.

Beautiful, beautiful rant! *pumps fist* I heart you, girlfriend!

ADW said...

Slick - Thanks. Next time log in as Slick Ricky, it makes me giggle.

Not a Granny - no shit, I think it should be mandatory as part of sex ed.

Diesel - I agree without reservations. Every single one of us came from some type of immigrant. I am not just talking about what a lot of us would consider foreigners either. I also think that we should toss Lindsay whastherface's mom out with that bunch too. Perfect example of trying to be your kid's "friend".

DangerDoll - Somehow I just knew that we would be on the same page with this one (=

Miss Kitty said...

The almost-adult versions of these sorry, ill-mannered little assholes are now in my college classes, expecting A's for D work..."becase they PAID their money." HA! Tough shitsky, as the Russians say!

honkeie2 said...

I saw this just the other day. I was at the park with th family and I saw this non-english speaking person carrying their 'wick' checks with 3 evil little shits behind them. The little shits were left at the park -ages about 7,9 & 11. They were left and the parents went food shopping at the store that was about 3 blocks away. I wont even let mine out of my sight forget about letting them to wander free by themselves. I was tempted to call the cops but in our area the only way the cops come is if there is a dead body involved. The cops tend to over look possible issues until they are real issues.
And yes they did not speak english but they sure knew who to get welfare and read the word 'free'
And dont give me any shit about immigrants either....I married one lol.