The Queen of Procrastination and Other Bad Traits

Oooohhh, oooohhh did I get my arse handed to me yesterday. By my boss. Over something kind of trivial. I guess the honeymoon is over.



As you may note by my blog post title, I procrastinate a bit. It is a huuuugeeee issue with me. If I was in school, I would wait until the last damn minute to write the paper, study for the test create that presentation, et cetera ad nauseum. Now, I put off tasks that I find bothersome and it sometimes gets me into trouble. There is no valid reason for me to prolong the work, other than my intense hatred for any type of administrative task and the end result will be me getting reamed without lube, but I do it anyway. And here I thought that the only difference between us and the rest of the animals was our opposable thumbs and reasoning skills. I guess that puts me squarely in the red-ass baboon category.



So I thought I would make up a list of some of the BAD habits, personality traits and so on that I have and here goes:

• I am opposed to cleaning. Not cleanliness, but the act and process that gets you there. I will let dishes rack up in the sink and I do not vacuum. I fucking hate to do laundry and I would rather tweeze all of my crotch hairs one by one than mow my actual lawn. The end result is a messy house that I spend days cleaning when I could save myself the time and energy by just sucking it up and creating a list of chores that need to be completed every day. I think that being used as a virtual slave from the ages of 8 to 17 may have something to do with my fear of housework, but I am an adult damn it and I shouldn't let this shit pile up on me. My mom keeps telling me to have a maid come in once a week, but they only do the surface shit and to be honest, I don't really trust strangers in my home. What I really need is some website, maybe 3worldlabor.com, where I can buy someone to clean my house. I would be really nice to them though. Probably.


• Because I drive so much for work, I practically live in my vehicle. That being said, the previous bullet point comes into effect. My car is normally a hog pen full of fast food bags, diet cokes, shoes, clothes, bottles of booze and a various assortment of drugs and paraphernalia. I shovel it out every few months with a renewed declaration that "this time I am keeping this bitch clean." I don't make it a week.


• I am mean.


• I swear. A lot. It especially sucks when a cunt or fucker or hellspawn whorebag crotchjokey spills out in places of worship. I have tried to curb my swearing, but the closest I get is trying to keep it at "prison yard" level. My parents get a little disturbed by this.


• I speak my mind when someone asks me to. Now you might not think that this is a bad thing, but I am usually pretty good about keeping my opinions under wraps. Until someone either a. asks me for it, b. starts whining about their life or c. I drink more than a few. Then I will verbally lash you up one side and down the other. Except on the subjects of politics and religion. I find those two things loathsome to discuss and a buzzkill.


• I fart. In bed. With my husband. Sometimes, I even Dutch Oven him. It's gross and blah blah blah and my girlfriends think I am crazy. I don't give a fuck. Why let the ass gas back up?


• I yell.


• I smoke and drink. The smoking is horrible. Trust me guys. I know.


• I can be self-destructive at times.


• If you piss me off, I will come at you with the wrath of a wounded lioness.


• I have physically attacked two people in the last 8 years. They were both men. I'd do it again too.


• I am not the most compassionate person in the world and I tend to be a bit self-centered.


• I am loud. Really, really loud.


• I tend to say the wrong things at the worst possible time. Like I am stuck with the social skills of a five year old kid.


• I don't really like the human race as a whole and I downright despise a good portion of people. I hate people who never take responsibility for their mistakes, but constantly take credit for the work of others. I also can't stand when people play the race, sex, religion or any other kind of card out there. Fuck off. If I made it out of the ghetto campground that was my childhood, you can too. Everyone is fucked up in one way or another. Yeah, I'm talking to you Kanye West, you hypocrite douchnozzle.


• I crack my knuckles. Of course, by now most of you probably think that they drag the ground anyway.

OK there are a ton more bad things that I could list, but I'll save those for another time.

Peace out bitches!