Monday, October 29, 2007

Well Slap My Ass And Call Me Chappy

Yeah, I'm in a bit of a foul mood. Surprising? No, probably not.


You know when you feel like things are finally beginning to turn around and head in the right direction and you feel fantastic and fabulous and gay? And then the other shoe drops?

In my case, there really is no other shoe. Just life. And the living of it. I swear to the Almighty that I think Miss Britt and I are related somehow.....

Anyway, it all started with a bad hair day and went downhill from there. (I ripped this from a book, but it works) Instead of a bad hair day, mine happened from a rolled ankle. From kickboxing you ask? No. Oh no. This little medical malfunction came from my usual course of stupidity and clumsiness. I really have no idea how someone who can be so coordinated in some areas is a hopeless klutz in others. I don't have enough time in this post, and you aren't bored enough to read it anyway, to go into my medical history, but most of my hospital visits were from my inability to place one foot in front of the other, or intoxication. Sometimes both.

Where was I? Oh, I remember. I rolled my ankle. Sitting down in my overstuffed, ubercomfy chair. Are you fucking kidding me?

I went to hop into the chair to read and veg out last night and kind of stepped on my own foot. I did feel something twist, but I ignored it since my whole body has been a bundle of aches and pains since I started kickboxing. Later on, I went out to the garage and noticed that my ankle was tender. I still ignored it. (Anyone see a pattern here?) I hobbled back inside and told the hubs that my ankle felt funny. Then I decided to look at it, so I rolled up my pants. Ohmyfuckingeverlovingjudaspriest! My ankle was the size of a softball. So I guess I did hurt myself.

So now, a day later, I am still in some pain. I bought an ankle serape and wrapped it up tight, but every time I take it off, it swells up again. Shit! If it doesn't get better by tomorrow, I guess I'm gonna hafta haul my one-cankled self over to the doctor. She's great. I may even get some drugs out of it.

But seriously. Now, I doubt I'll be able to work out this week and I'm out of town next week. I feel like all of the effort I have put into working out these last three weeks is going to go down the drain.

Now I am feeling sorry for myself. I am like a guy in many ways and my inability to deal with pain or sickness is one of them. And last night, instead of being at Avitable's Halloween party, where all of the great bloggers were, I was laying in bed with a heating pad, whimpering and whining.

So the moral of this story is:

If you have the chance to fly to FLORIDA in late October and you are from OHIO where it is forty degrees out, for a rip-roaring drunken Halloweenie good time, for the love of money, go!!!! If you don't, something bad will happen to you.

I should have been drinking, instead I hurt myself sober.

That is a direct quote from me to you and I may have this printed up on a T-Shirt for posterity.


Mighty Dyckerson said...

You poor dear. You need to keep your legs elevated...preferably on my shoulders...while I shove my enormous (the remainder of this comment has been censored by Blogger.

Tug said...

Well...THAT sucks the big one. FEEL BETTER!!

Mim said...

Oh wow, you poor thing. I hope it gets better soon. Although I do enjoy the new level of cussing it's brought you to :)

Miss Britt said...

If it's any consolation, I am very, very sore from said party. :-)

ADW said...

Dyck - of course, why didn't I think of the Might Dyxk therapy sesion.

Tug - thanks

Mim - there should be an Olympic medal for swearing

Britt - I saw the video and WOW.

So sad I missed it!!!

fatwonkkid said...

my mom broke her pinky playing volleyball with a 12" inflatable beach ball. no it wasn't competitive inflatable beach ball volley ball, it was with my cousins, and we were just messing around.

bbs said...

Aww..Sorry baby. Do you need me to come over in my little red riding whore costume and feed you soup and Vicodin? I would be more then happy to. Don't stress out about not working out or wasting your progress. When I rolled my ankle and went to the ER, I thought the same thing..Trust me, you don't want to fuck around with a bad ankle, I STILL have problems with mine and my accident happened in April. Take this time to do tons of situps, V-ups, lower ab lifts, girl push ups(so you don't stress your ankle) get some weights, do bicep curls, tricep extensions, skull crushers, etc..Also, lay on the floor and do butt lifts, leg lifts, etc..The elliptical machine is GREAT for bad ankles/knees, I don't know if they have that where you work out, but it would be something to keep in mind. .Ok. Sorry for rambling. I have been there, done that..Your hard work won't go to waste..Also, the hardest part is dieting, at least for me..Just be strict with what you eat, and everything will fall right back into place when your ankle is feeling better.
Love you.
Talk to you soon.

themuttprincess said...

Oh gosh! I suppose it is a good thing you were sober since you probably wouldn't have felt it and would have further injured yourself. And that, my friend, would be worse!!!

Hope it heals right up!

Effortlessly Average said...

Damn, so all the cool bloggers were at Avi's? [sigh]. Why do I feel like I'm in high school again? **rubbing chin** OMG, is that a pimple?!?!!

metalmom said...

I stood up on a foot that was asleep. I broke that foot and walked on it for three days(!) The Doctor wasn't amused, but I thought it was kinda funny!

Kim Ayres said...

Use the time wisely, like doing kegel exercises...

Anonymous said...

I saw the pic of Miss Britt and Mr. Fab.. I see why she is sore.. Sorry about your mishap(s) but I would love to slap your ass. I would call you ANYTHING for that privledge.

greg t

ADW said...

Fatwonkkid - see. That is the kind of goof off I am.

BBS - Ugh, I may have to go to the doctor.

Mutt - thanks, me too.

EA - I wish I could have gone.... next year.

MetalMom - Great!! Now I am FREAKING out!

Kim - I can always count on you for sage advice.

Greg T - ANYTHING!!!????

5 of 9er said...

Chappy! :)

Mr. Fabulous said...

You know, you SAY that, but I am pretty sure that if I slapped your ass, you would knock my teeth out before I even had the chance to call you "Chappy".

Mr. Fabulous said...

Still might be worth it, though.

Franki said...

Cankles would have me at the emergency room pronto.

And I think Miss Britt is on her way to YouTube fame. I peed my panties just a bit and said a little thank you that no one has ever had a video camera handy when I've been that hammered.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Sorry about your ankle.

Open Grove Claudia said...

Yes, but I'm a bit frightened by all that hair.

MsPuddin said...

I would be mad too if I got hurt sober instead of drunk. (even though I do it all the time). At least alcohol is a legitimate excuse…right?

Memphis Steve said...

Heating pad? No, hottie, ICE! Trust me, I am the King of the ER. They all know me by name throughout Memphises plethora of hospital emergency rooms. They call me "Soccer Steve." Jack that sucker up and ice it. Heat will help get the blood out later, but for now you need ... me to come over there and take care of you. Yeah! You need me. Send me your address and phone number, send your husband to Florida or New York or I don't care where, and I'll head on over to fix you up and get you ready for kickboxing in no time.

BottleBlonde said...

You totally lost all street cred with me. I thought fo' sho' you were gonna tell us how you kung-fu'd a bitch for lookin' at you sideways and busted your ankle in so doing, but then you go and tell us how you sat down the wrong way instead? Turn your grillz in IMMEDIATELY. You're no longer a Ruff Ryder.

Anonymous said...

ouchies! hope you get loads of sympathy and food brought to your lap. twisted ankles really do bloody hurt.

The Chief said...

"I guess I did actually hurt myself."

I've got to ask, how do you not KNOW you've hurt yourself? I mean, you can not know you've injured yourself - but when something hurts - GD - you'll know it!

To be fair - I'm really splitting hairs on words but it sure was fun doing it to a Browns fan (relax - they won this weekend!)

In all seriousness - hope your ankle is feeling better.

George said...

I have newfound respect for you. You take pain like a man and try to hide it for a while then make sure that every knows you hurt your teeny weeny self and then whine and cry about it for the next few day to anybody that will listen and most of those who know you better and won't.

What a girl ... I do hope you feel better soon though

ADW said...

5 of 9 - Ha!

Mr. Fab - Slap away. I never said that I don't hit back though )=

Franki - I LOVE that video

Bug - Thankee verah mucho

Claudia - Hair?

Ms Puddin - thanks for stopping by. Alcholol would be my normal excuse, but I am owning up to the fact that I was stone cold sober at the time.

Steve - I will take your offer under consideration.

Blonde - Uh, grillz? More like Bubba Teeth... chuckle.

Betty - the only sympathy that I get is from you guys. )=

The CHief - My whole body is a mass of aches and pains right now, so I wasn't sure. Plus after two kids, pretty much everything below the waist is partially numb anyway.

George - it comes from having so many siblings to fight with. I have had multiple casts, broken bones, stitches and ER trips. What's a measly little sprain?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Hahahahaa. I can't write a better comment than Mighty's. I have when he does that . . .

Avitable said...

I should have put the party on webcam, and you could have watched it from Ohio and felt like you were there!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

"I HAVE when he does that?" I assume I meant I HATE when he does that. I have to stop commenting on blogs after smoking angel dust.