Thursday, October 4, 2007

Bad Bluddy

I'm really trying to make Bluddy the new word. It should get some momentum soon. If not, then it's back to the drawing board.

Not too long ago, I answered some questions that AVI posed to me. But about a month ago, I told Miss Britt to do the same thing. I checked my in-box for a few days and no questions. Hmmmmm.... Weird. Oh well. I just figured my little blond honey had forgotten about me. Well lo and behold, I was clearing out my spam box and *GASP* there was an e-mail from my Peninsula Lover. Shitcrapdamnfuckcocksuckingdillwad. OH MY HELL!!! I missed her questions. How dare I blow her off like that? (C'mon fellas, that one's a gimme.. too easy)

Anywho, posthaste I send the Florida Fellatiator a quick little love note apologizing and groveling for her forgiveness. Being the kind benefactress that she is, she only lambasted me for not being a freak about checking my spam box. I was expecting a "how dare you have my e-mail sent to the dark recesses of you dirty little spam box?" But being the gracious and kind person that she is, she let it slide this time. I am wondering if I let it happen again, if some sort of redbottom session is in order? We shall see.

So, without further filler, here are my ?'s from the Little Blond CorBritt:

1. OK, so now that we all know you're hot, what's something women should know about you that would make us..er... them not hate you?

How does one answer that kind of question without coming off either conceited or fake? This is a hard one. OK. So I am a typical Ugly Duckling story. When I was in Junior High and for most of High School, I was a Ginormous nerd. A 4.0 student, thick glasses, stunted social skills, the whole works. So it still comes as a bit of a surprise to me when someone thinks that I am hot. BUT, I LOVE it when a woman tells me that I am attractive. For the most part, they do not have an ulterior motive (*ahem* getting laid *ahem*), so that makes me feel really great.

I really don't know how to keep someone from hating me, but I have been lucky enough to acquire a large group of girlfriends. I am usually the first person that they'll call if they have a problem and want some advice (maybe not the best idea) or a shoulder to cry on. I have in the past, and I am sure will again in the future, driven many a mile early in the morning to pick a friend up who was out drinking all night. I may speak my mind, but if I have a problem with someone, I tell them to their face instead of talking about them behind their back. I think that I am a great person to have as a friend - guy or gal.

2. If I happened to randomly show up on your door one weekend all dressed up and squealing "play with me!" - how would you entertain me?

This one is easy. I would take you up to my guest bedroom where my hundreds of pairs of shoes reside in individual clear plastic containers labeled with type and color and let you run wild. Then, we would go out honkey-tonkin' and let cute little cowboys TRY to pick us up. After that, it would be slumber party time and we would listen to Prince, watch our favorite movies, brush each others' hair and have a spa party.

3. What the hell makes you think you're qualified to blog? (Or... how long have you been blogging, why'd you start, etc. etc. etc. - you know, the run down)

I am completely unqualified to blog and I started this past March on a lark. I don't even know how I got the link to Blogger in the first place. Assclownopolis (who isn't blogging right now), Anonymous Coworker and Kalleigh Hathaway were my first three commenters. Somehow, I found links to a ton of great sites that I started visiting and here I am.

The ironic thing is that a lot of my friends and family were surprised at what they like to call my "witty sarcasm". I think that being the nerdy smart girl as a kid doesn't jibe with the person I am today.

4. If Avitable showed up at your door one weekend, all dressed up and squealing "play with me" - how would you get him to go away and leave you alone?

I would wax him all over. Then I would give him a case of Diet Coke with Lime and ship him home to his hot wife, freshly smooth and soft as a baby's rump.

5. Clearly, I am your favorite blogger. Why?

Oh yes clearly. Fishing for compliments much? Okay, since you've had a rough go of it lately, I will deign to humor you.

I am in constant awe of the ways that you can turn every day normal occurrences, like thinking that you forget a tampon inside your pooter, into extremely witty and amusing blog posts. I also like that you write about things that most of us are either going through, went through, or will go through in the future. Plus I am trying to take some nice lessons and I thought you would be a good role model.


Fuck I come off as a wee bit sappy today. So to counterbalance the rainbows and unicorns that are fluttering about from the first portion of the post, I will give you all another foreign language swearing lesson. Today's educational session is brought to you by the country Russia, another place I have yet to get a hit from.

Mandavoshka - this sweet little word means Cunt Louse. I am not certain if louse is in reference to their personality or little pubic nits, but I like it.

Petookh opooscheny - this phrase, loosely translated, means prison bitch. I want one of these for myself.

Passossee mayee yaitsa - Suck my Balls. 'Nough said.

Zhopu porvu margala vikoliu - I'll rip your ass and poke out your eye. I hope that you use lube to complete your mission...

Chlen marinovanii - This means a MARINTED DICK. Apparently a delicacy to our Ruski friends. If we knew about this 30 years ago, the Cold War would have been over before it ever got off the ground. Yum, yum.

So that's all I got for today. I miss you all.

20 comments:

Avitable said...

I think that "Mandavoshka" is my new favorite word. It's true that you learn something every day!

Tug said...

DAMMIT Avi. Beat me to it. I like Mandavoshka because it makes me think of vodka.

Now I want a drink.

;-)

Effortlessly Average said...

"Mandavoska"

Isn't that a song from Sinead O'Connor?

Mr. Fabulous said...

Did someone say "vodka"?

BottleBlonde said...

Thank God you redeemed yourself at the end of this post by teaching us some Russian filth. The beginning of the post looked a lot like the script from a Full House episode.

Miss Britt said...

Fishing?

No. Flat out demanding. :-)

And I don't know what these people are talking about. Your description of how you would entertain me is downright pornographic.

I'm still quivering.

Glamourpuss said...

I think you should check the spelling; it's 'bloody' and we've been saying it on this side of the pond for centuries.

Man, that sounds smug...

Puss

Kim Ayres said...

Mandavoshka - I always wanted to larn a bit of Russian. Now I know what to say if anyone asks to see my passport

5 of 9er said...

Thanks for the language lesson... now a weekend to go out and use it. :)

Open Grove Claudia said...

I'd like to see the vid of you waxing Avitable. That's probably better than porno.

Kalleigh Hathaway said...

Wow, and I'm not sure I've commented ever since; I feel almost guilty for being awarded that gracious nod. I'm still reading, though!

For the record, I think you're attractive, but I have to confess that if I met you, I'd probably want to sleep with you too. So you might not believe me as a result!

Randy of the Redwoods said...

Hey Beauty. I am a big baseball fan. I was wondering if you were able to take in any of the Cleveland Indians vs the NY Asswipes. If so, give an extra scream for me. Thanks. Go Tribe.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

BITCH! I thought I was your favorite blogger!!

Amanda said...

Why isn't anyone talking about how hot it would be to see you and britt together?

Legaleagle said...

Shitcrapdamnfuckcocksuckingdillwad.

Oh my God, I think I found my new favorite word!

Slick said...

I say "Suck my balls" in english at least 6 times a day.

Does that kinda count for something?

Some more amusing answers ;)

VE said...

Was this the lost script page from the Big Chill?

VE said...

I'm hoping to upgrade to the 7th circle of hell...I can only afford the fifth circle right now...

It's Me... Maven said...

Speaking of forgotten tampons in one's pooter...

Where I work, I have been regaled, several times about another coworker, who unabashedly shared the knowledge that she forgot she had left a tampon in her pooter for well over a month. This is most unfortunate--now when I see her around, that's all I think about, well that, and how absolutely fetid her female parts must have stank for that month. Yanno, sometimes, JUST SOMETIMES, TSS serves as a warning to some folks.

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